Requesting help from the future in-laws... graciously

Maggie0829

mustbedreaming said:

@itzMS It wasn't an excuse, just an idea of things they could help with based on old tradition. FI and I are already helping. I had a feeling it was a bad idea to ask (which is why I came here for advice instead of bulldozing ahead). My mom is just regretting her initial proud refusal for help and I feel badly for her. FMIL also told FI the other day that she wants to pay for us to have a huge live band at the reception so I still think she does want to contribute in some way. I just wish we could redirect her efforts. And yeah I agree the $900 fee is crazy. And supposedly it has nothing to do with size/type of flowers because they revised the proposal for us 3 different times and even with the $5000 different between the first and last proposal, the installation was the same fee. This is already the second florist we've looked at and we set up a meeting for next week with another one. *sorry if this is all in a chunk; i don't think my line breaks are showing up*

IF you are spending 5000.00 on flowers, you need to seriously consider the extravegance of your wedding if you aren't paying for it yourself. That is RIDICULOUS to assume anyone ELSE should spend that type of money just alone on flowers..

I don't really agree with this.  Just because you think $5000 is ridiculous to spend on flowers doesn't mean everyone feels that way.  Also, it doesn't matter who is paying for it as long as whoever is, is comfortable with the dollar amount.  And this is a general statement to any and all brides and hosts of weddings, not about this one post.  For example, what we (meaning my parents, myself and my H) spent on our wedding some people would think is a crazy amount while others may think it is on the low end in the price spectrum.  So in the case of OP, if at the end of the day her parents, or her FI parents pay for the wedding or just the flowers or whatever, as long as they are comfortable with the price then that is all that matters.  She certainly doesn't have to rethink the extravagance of the wedding if all bill payers are fine with it.

short+sassy

I think there is nothing wrong at all with your FI talking to his parents about contributing to the wedding since they already offered a couple times.  I suspect they probably feel bad they have not contributed anything and would be happy to help. However, that is a conversation HE needs to have with them...not you or your parents. (Last sentence is just a reminder, not a chastising).