Opinions on Couples Shower

sarilynnep

My mother just informed me that she is throwing a shower for me- in early September. She already booked the restaurant where she wants to have it. She didn't consult with me at all before she did this.

Ok, 2 things-

1. My wedding is March 10th 2012. I think this is really, really early to have a shower. In fact, I haven't even sent my save-the-dates. We haven't even had our engagement pictures taken for our the save-the-dates. I had to fight with her to not send the invites until the beginning of August that way I would have time to even send the STDs.

2. Neither me or my FI want a big production of a wedding shower. Not that we don't appreciate it, but honestly, we are paying for this wedding ourselves and would rather my mother put money towards our wedding then a shower with catering, drinks, the whole nine yards. My FI was actually really upset about it as he knows that she will blow money on something like this, but dropped my wedding dress budget by $2K. On the day of my dress shopping. And that is the only thing she will help with.

So I guess I am just venting again. I really would rather have the shower in November, as well as something much smaller and simplier. If she wants to help us with things, then I would rather have help paying for some of the wedding, even if it's just a small part.

So what do you guys think? Should I just not bother fighting with her about having it in Sept, even though it's inconvenient for us? (I have another wedding to go to that month, my FI is doing his Bach party in Vegas, and my best friend is trying to have her wedding shower then too). Is Sept too early for a shower?

I am definitely talking to her about budget though. It's just not worth spending a lot of money on.

pantherRN

September is way too early. I'd ask her to postpone or just cancel the whole shebang.

JamieK1882

Agree. Will you even have time to get a registry together by then?

sarilynnep

Yeah that was my concern. I don't want to register that early.

ginny814

Agreed.  My wedding is April 2012, and we're not even getting our registry together until this fall.  Our engagement pics are July 1 (11 months after our engagement, haha.. we're taking things slow).  Just explain to your mom that you think it's too early, and that you'd rather have your registry put together before having your shower.  Typically showers are 2-3 months before the wedding date.  Mine will most likely be in January or February.

Were your bridesmaids planning on throwing you a shower?  (typically they do).

sarilynnep

Well the issue is that I live in Pittsburgh, but no one else does. It's just me and my FI here. My mom and her family are in Maryland, my dad and stepfamily are in my hometown in Kentucky, and my FI and most of our friends are in Louisville, Ky (3 hours away from my hometown). So really, I need 3 showers. My bridesmaids are too scattered to throw me a shower.
 
Mom's shower will be in Maryland, which some of my dad's family will go to (they live in MD and in NJ). But my mother is also inviting a bunch of people who I have never even met and who won't be invited to the wedding. She says they invited themselves knowing they wouldn't be invited to the wedding. So that is upsetting as well but she has already invited them.

ginny814

Thanks for the extra info.. makes sense now.

My only suggestion would be to talk to your mom.  Tell her how you feel and that you would like to have some say in your shower.. If you're not comfortable with the whole situation, just ask her if it's possible to postpone to a time where it is more convenient for you.  Hopefully she will understand.  Good luck!