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Christian Weddings

Pre-marital Counseling

So FI and I met with our pastor last night for our first real pre-marital counseling session. We had met with him once at the beginning of summer, but didn't go into a lot of detail about things, it was more of a how are things going/are you on track with your plans sort of a meeting. Our meeting last night went really well. We sat and talked for almost 2 1/2 hours. Our topics were setting boundaries with family as we "leave and cleave", money, and communication. Overall I'd say it was a really good first session. I can't remember what he said we'd be discussing next time, but then we'll have probably only one more session where we'll discuss intimacy. He said to me, for that conversation he'll need to know my beliefs and plans for birth control, so that how he counsels us will be relevant to our decision. I don't care that he asked, I'm open with my beliefs and decisions regarding it, but I found it a little funny that he asked for my decision, not our decision.

 

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Re: Pre-marital Counseling

  • My fiance and I have our next session on Thursday. Finishing up our discussion of communication and talking about male/female roles. I think we have 2 more sessions after that one. Talked about finances and then sexuality.

    Been a lot of reading and writing and a good idea. We had decided right after we started dating that pre-marital counseling was going to be in our future. I believe it has really helped us bring out things in the open and prevent as many issues as possible in our marriage.

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  • Interesting about the birth control.  Thanks for sharing!  We didn't get into intimacy much, except he did emphasize that it's important to learn what the other person likes.  And that the wedding and reception and traveling can be exhausting, so someone may be very tired....

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  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2013
    Yeah, we didn't talk about birth control in counseling, either.  But I was/am so firmly opposed to hormones and IUD's that I made sure DH knew where I stood about a month into dating, since him not being on board with that would have been a deal breaker for me.  

    We had a section on intimacy and I remember those conversations during "homework" that week being SO awkward.  I still blush when we talk about intimacy...and we have a baby!!
  • We've gotten more open about intimacy ourselves. I used to not even like saying certain words....

    I am pretty much against birth control myself. My fiance wants me to at least consider the idea. We'll have to see if our counselors (our pastor and his wife) have anything to say about it if it comes up in counseling.

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  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2013
    @fre3doms- If you don't want to use a hormonal BC or IUD, but your FI wants some kind of prevention method, you could look into Natural Family Planning (abstinence during fertile time) or Fertility Awareness Method (barriers during fertile time).  We used NFP (and, yes, our son was planned) and now use FAM (diaphragm and spermicide) since breastfeeding and not sleeping through the night has made things a little more tricky to figure out.  We love it.  You can PM me if you want more info.  You can also check out "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler and www.tcoyf.com  I'm also on www.christianfamilyplanning.net, which is filled with some awesome women using FAM and NFP.
  • Thanks for the tips. I'll have to check them out sometime when I have time.

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  • Hahahaha. We went through one premarital counseling session, and prior to it we had to take a survey. As our counselor was running through our responses with us, he asked us, "You guys DO plan on having sex once you're married, right?" I laughed. Our "expectations" score was so low because we hadn't really talked about it up to that point. We had had general conversations, but nothing specific. He's of the mind set that it's not really something you talk about until you're married, where I'm the complete opposite.

    Though, after that session we did have some good talks about what we're expecting and what-not, so I guess it's good he asked.
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  • fre3doms said:
    We've gotten more open about intimacy ourselves. I used to not even like saying certain words....


    I wish DH were more like this sometimes.  Since he started med school (back before we were engaged) he started using all sorts of words in regular conversation.  I'm surrounded by it (various bodily functions, not just sex-related terms) because for the past six years all of our new friends (read, in the same town) have been in the medical field.  Apparently parents worry a lot about poop because I hear about it all the time now that DH is a pediatrician.  To me, that's worse than anything else!

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  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2013
    ochemjenn said:
    fre3doms said:
    We've gotten more open about intimacy ourselves. I used to not even like saying certain words....


    Apparently parents worry a lot about poop because I hear about it all the time now that DH is a pediatrician.  To me, that's worse than anything else!

    I have yet to call the pediatrician about anything (my mom is a nurse...I just call her) but DH and I talk more about the contents of a diaper since DS was born than you'd ever want to know (seriously EVERY day).

    I PROMISE I won't post anything about potty training on Facebook, though.  There's a line, people.  :-P
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  • ochemjenn said:
    fre3doms said:
    We've gotten more open about intimacy ourselves. I used to not even like saying certain words....


    I wish DH were more like this sometimes.  Since he started med school (back before we were engaged) he started using all sorts of words in regular conversation.  I'm surrounded by it (various bodily functions, not just sex-related terms) because for the past six years all of our new friends (read, in the same town) have been in the medical field.  Apparently parents worry a lot about poop because I hear about it all the time now that DH is a pediatrician.  To me, that's worse than anything else!

    Oh those medical people! I'm a pharmacist, so I get to talk about all the icky things that come out of people without having to handle it first hand. It's really the ideal situation. It's always amusing to me when we have dinners at nice restaurants to learn about vomiting or very bad diarrhea. It's the slang terms for anatomy that make me feel shy.

    We'll be starting pre-marital counseling in a couple weeks. We just got approval for our wedding at our church this past week. We've been very open with each other so far and I'm looking forward to anything we haven't thought of being brought up for discussion. 

  • I have yet to call the pediatrician about anything (my mom is a nurse...I just call her) but DH and I talk more about the contents of a diaper since DS was born than you'd ever want to know (seriously EVERY day).

    I PROMISE I won't post anything about potty training on Facebook, though.  There's a line, people.  :-P
    Thank you. My Facebook feed is clogged up with people talking about potty training, breast feeding, and showing ultrasound pictures. I'm just over here trying to get married!
    Oh, I'll talk about breastfeeding, pregnancy, and birth all.day.long, but diapers and potty training are over the line for me.  :-P
  • FI and I went to our first premarital counseling last night.  We really enjoyed it. We sat with our pastor, who happens to be my Dad, for about an hour just as an overview.  We have homework to do before meeting with him in 2 weeks.  We're all looking forward to it.
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