need to vent... when is it to late to remove a maid of honor

LeciaB

ok guys so i think I am pretty easy going.. I havent asked my maids for much..

I let them know the type of dress I wanted since march.. and I told the ladies they

need to order their dress in May... everyone got their dress in June except for the 

Maid of Honor..(sn..ITS BEEN DRAMA WITH THIS GIRL FROM JUMP from her position 

in the wedding, to having her be nice/nasty (rude comments being made) at the shower my mom threw for me, she was talking 

about my ex boyfriend from HIGH SCHOOL... in front of my fiance' s family, she wants to stand out and wear a different

dress.. she didnt get to pick the venue.. she didnt get to pick the invites, flowers..ect.. the list goes on) 

so its not September and she is JUST NOW GETTING AROUND TO ORDERING HER DRESS.

so here is where is gets great.. so months ago I go with her to the store to try on the dress and it fits fine

so cut to last night when I am at work (every first fridays we have a special needs dance with my participants)

she is sending me pictures about the dress and how it "doesn't fit" ok so it fits.. bc her butt is big the dress doesnt 

lay flat.. so she procedees to try on other dresses.... umm who told you to do that.. then she goes a step further

and starts trying on long dresses... umm noo the wedding is outside and everyone is wearing short dresses..

so first she offers a dress that is the same color different fabric.. umm no because everyone else will have the same dress on .

then she orders a one shoulder dress with flowers.. everyone else is a plain strapless... then the shoes.. she cant match the shoes.. bc the 

shoe doesnt come in her size.. so in addition to wearing a different dress than everyone else she will have different shoes too.

Am I wrong for being upset... like I feel like its been drama the whole way here.. my dad told me to kick her out bc it has been to much drama with her

and she does not like the MR. (IM LIKE HOLD UP HOW COULD YOU NOT LIKE MY BOO!)

what would yall. do.. oh yea and the wedding is 2 months away 

sorry for the essay ya'll

Soon to Be Mrs Jay

BREATHE...................................................................................

Ok, now you have every right to be upset. Meet with her in person and calmly express your concerns. Let her know that you have not been too happy with her behavior. Also express to her that this is yours and your Boo's wedding and if she can not follow by the guidelines set by the two of you than maybe she should be a guest. Be firm and stand your ground. I think it was rude for her to go get a dress and shoes that was opposite of what the two of you discussed.

It is okay not to have a MOH at the wedding. Look forward and move on...

Hope it get better for you.

marsm4

Having had my own bridesmaid dress switcharoo issue I can completely empathize with you! Talk with her ASAP, tell her exactly what you expect from her and if she can't comply. You can't have her in the wedding. You don't need this drama or stress. S/N What makes her think she has the right to choose anything in YOUR wedding?? People kill me...

thedivav

why would she pick your venue for your wedding? or the invites...

i would have a coming to Jesus with her... and thats putting it nice 

tirathemrs

You already know how I feel smh give me the phone number pa-leeeez lol lol

LeciaB

update... @misstira... dont kill me.. so she is still in...this is the shorten version...... I told her i was upset about her deciding to select her dress..and she gave me her story and why she tried on 15-20 other dresses (I was confused about this part too..)  and I told her how I felt and she told me that the dress its no refunds.. ( but I know the policies at DB and im am sure you can exchange)..she said that she understands that its my wedding and I have a vision and she will sit out if i want her to or she can get the dress and see how it looks with the other girls..and if it doesnt flow she will sit out .... But its two months out and she ordered the dress and it is the same color as the other ones and the same fabric.. and i am T-I-RED.. of stressing over her and this dress fiasco.. so she is still in the wedding and she will be wearing that dress..but i dont care any more to my defense  I told her i didnt like it and in my opinion it was not the most flattering dress.. but oh well she said ... i just want to marry my mister... so hopefully this is the last issue and we can have smooth sailing .. and I just know that after this.. that we will have to distance ourselves (even more than we are now)

marsm4

I'm sure you won't have anymore trouble out of her. Good for you.

tirathemrs

LeciaB my response to you is BOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOO LOL.... she shouldve been kicked to the side and sitting with everyone else instead of being in the bridal party... thats just my opinion but hey if you are happy i am happy i only want the best and no drama for you... 

[Deleted User]

LeciaB said:

update... @misstira... dont kill me.. so she is still in...this is the shorten version...... I told her i was upset about her deciding to select her dress..and she gave me her story and why she tried on 15-20 other dresses (I was confused about this part too..)  and I told her how I felt and she told me that the dress its no refunds.. ( but I know the policies at DB and im am sure you can exchange)..she said that she understands that its my wedding and I have a vision and she will sit out if i want her to or she can get the dress and see how it looks with the other girls..and if it doesnt flow she will sit out .... But its two months out and she ordered the dress and it is the same color as the other ones and the same fabric.. and i am T-I-RED.. of stressing over her and this dress fiasco.. so she is still in the wedding and she will be wearing that dress..but i dont care any more to my defense  I told her i didnt like it and in my opinion it was not the most flattering dress.. but oh well she said ... i just want to marry my mister... so hopefully this is the last issue and we can have smooth sailing .. and I just know that after this.. that we will have to distance ourselves (even more than we are now)

Leesh I know for a fact we're talking about the girl who was upset she didn't get to go with ya'll to the tasting.  I told you then, she was gonna hafta be invited to have a seat.  I'm finna tell you again because, like it or not you need to hear this:   With time, she has become increasingly intrusive, belligerent and steamrollish about a day that is not hers and insists upon making herself the focus in any way you will allow but babe, she did this with your permission.  And I'm not just talking about this wedding, you gave us some background on her, this is about your relationship with each other.  Your bridesmaids are supposed to be your team's starting five girl, like moufbreave close, not the thing causing you problems (I don't mean this in a 'zilla kinda way) I just mean that they don't need to be asked to be supportive.   My love it's time to put your big girl panties on and get the stress out of your life.  She gave you the out Leesh (see bolded) - soft heart, caring spirit, you don't wanna hurt her feelings - got all lat, but what about your feelings?   the part about in your opinion - by staying passive about what you really want, you're encouraging her shenanigans, it's not that the dress isn't flattering (it might be) it's not the return policy (could be exchangeable) but we're dancing around the issue - which IS: your willingness to accommodate this chick's insistence to run this show, is happening, literally at your expense and that's not what a friend does, nevermind a maid of honor.  Either, she stops it voluntarily today or you stop it for her by taking her up on her offer.  Yeah it's an uncomfortable conversation to have but what's way worse is hand-wringing yourself to death over somebody who shouldn't even be a problem.  There's enough stuff at wedding time that actually does require your vigilant attention, your friends should not fall into this category.  

Sorry your original question is in the thread title.   The answer is never.  As long as you remain respectful, your day should proceed as you see it.

thedivav

all what sultry said.....

she needs to get on board or hit the bricks 

LeciaB

Final update...

So I was trying to be ok with the dress issue but I could not wrap my brain or my wedding pictures around this... I also was stressing about having to deal with her at my fitting as well as for the shower she had to throw and other stuff... so I thought about it last night I was going write an email.. but I couldnt send it.. (Smh @ myself) so then this morning (shouts out to @misstira for answering that 7:30 am text) I showed her the email.. then I put my big girl panties on  like @sultryzulu said and said hey I really dont like that dress can you wear the original dress? I said there is time to change it. I also said if you dont want to wear it I would love to have you as a guest. and she said I think that it would be better if I was a guest. I said cool I still love and care about you as a friend and  I told her she doesnt have to throw me a shower any more.. and then she said dont talk to me any more.. I said ok.. 'll so i had to pull a @marsm04. So she is out and I called my sister-in-law and asked her if she would be in the wedding and she said she would love to. So I feel so relieved.. like a weight has been lifted and on top of that now my sister gets to be the MOH.

 

So my loves thanks for all of your encouragement and strenght ...

 

raven&mark

Awww Lecia I hate you have to go through this. But im happy you threw those big girl pants on and shut it DOWN LOL.... The nerve of some people. She didnt deserve to stand by you on yourr day anyway! So happy everything worked out for you anyway. I keep yelling these creeps ONE MONKEY DONT STOP NO SHOW!!!

marsm4

@LeciaB, WOW!!! Hugs to you girl, I know that wasn't easy!  She wasn't truly there for you or a real friend. I'm glad you found this out now.  Like I told my EX-bridesmaid, You don't want to look at your pictures and have ANY ill feelings or side-eyes towards anyone!  Good for you.  Just like in your case, my replacement is so over-joyed and happy to standup for me.  That's what you want to be surrounded with.  Not someone trying to showcase themselves on your dime!

MissusD1116

Lawdimoicy date twin!!!  Girl, I guess it's something in the water.   Im glad it worked out cause that heffa was bound to catch a beat down from Tira!! LOL!

My MOH, who is my cousin, flying in from california has yet to find a dress.  I partially understand because she is self-conscious about her weight howeevaaaa comma she has had several months to find one.  She went and tried on several dresses and I gave her my opinons on them.  I actually thought she was gonna go ahead and order one.  Now it's 2 mos away and still no dress.  To top it all off, I hadn't heard from her about the wedding since June but she updates my granny on what her plans are.  At this point, I really don't care if she has a dress or not.  I just need to know so I can not put you on program.  I don't HAVE to have a BP, I just need to know that you are unable to fullfill your position.... sorry to jack your post, had to get that out!!!

tirathemrs

MissusD1116LeciaB i bet those big girl panties feel good on you huh lol lol lol lol lol lol lol... i was about to ask what is the style of the dang dress and put it on and just be there like hey yall im new but im in the weddin lol lol

MissusD1116

@misstira Girl, I know.  I haven't asked her about the dress lately at all and I'm not anymore.  She would have to be the one to let me know that she has a dress or not.  I think the issue is the fact that the BM dresses are prettier than what she thought and she is trying to upstage that dress because she is the MOH but it's not about that.  I told her that she could wear the same dress in one of the other colors if it came in her size.

LeciaB

@missusd1116.. date twin .. it must be something in the water .. bc cousin is tripping hard...

@misstria.. i feel good..(but she called my mom.. so we will see what that is about.. she is talking to my mom and mom is calling me) and the mister is mad yall.. because he said I painted a picture that made everyone mad at her... he said that I semi-oked the dress and then I got mad at the girl for being to big to fit the original dress and I tricked her..

thedivav

good for you woot woot.... 

[Deleted User]

okay heffa well since you're not my everything, how about you be nothing?  how bout you save me my $100 plate and cease and desist from blowin up my mama's phone

Leesh this girl has something chemical wrong with her. for real.  this here:

I said cool I still love and care about you as a friend and  I told her she doesnt have to throw me a shower any more..

was a wonderful, civil and peaceful way to want her to respect your wishes AND maintain your friendship.  fistpumping/tacklehugging you guh!  lol!

but now see this right hurr?:

and then she said dont talk to me any more.

pure, unfiltered banyard-animal bullshyt.   don't let the door hitcha boo.


eta:  I am really happy for you that the end result leaves you with a calmer spirit though.