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Moms and Maids

Bridesmaid Dress Issue - Please Help!

I have three wonderful bridesmaids, but dress disagreements are making things difficult. 

Two have a similar build, and the other (my MOH) has a different build, and I know things look different on everyone, so I don't care weather they're in the same dress - but I do want the same color, length and fabric. This is where the problem arises. We've looked extensively at dresses - multiple stores, online, multiple styles, etc. I chose the color and fabric, my MOH chose the length. Everyone was okay with that. We've only found 3 dresses that are possibilities based on these factors though (the color is really difficult to find). My MOH loves one of the dresses, another BM is okay with any of the 3 options and wants to match the other BM, but that BM isn't thrilled with any of the options. 

We've all told her she looks great in the dresses, which she really does, and even other friends that have seen her in them think it looks great, but she doesn't think so. She wants to keep looking, but we've really exhausted our options. She found a dress she really likes in another fabric, but I really want the fabrics to match, and I don't want to change things now because I really like the options and so does the MOH and other BM.

Is it being unreasonable to ask her to chose of the 3 dresses we've found already? I want her to be happy and comfortable in what she wears, but I also want the color, fabric and length we've already decided on. She's not generally a difficult person, but she is picky about what she wears/how she looks. I feel bad making her wear something she's not super comfortable in, but I don't know what else to do.

Re: Bridesmaid Dress Issue - Please Help!

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    What are the different fabrics? Also, what's the color?
  • The dresses are malibu blue (the David's Bridal color, which no one else seems to have that color, they're either too dark or too light) and it was initially between satin and chiffon, but we decided on the chiffon - satin is the one the other BM really likes.
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Would you be okay with mismatched lengths? That is, if they're short, was there a long one she liked, or vice versa?
  • Thanks, good thought but there wasn't a long one she liked either, so that's not really an issue...
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Hmm. I'm trying to tease out why she's uncomfortable. It's slow around here on the weekends, but maybe someone more knowledgeable will come in and tell us if chiffon will photograph noticeably different from satin. I mean, if they're going to look the same in the photos, would it matter at that point? Does the chiffon dress have a feature that the satin ones are missing?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Even if they are the same color chiffon will show the color differently then satin.  I actually just watched an episode of SYTTD and a bride tried on a blue wedding gown that had a satin top and chiffon bottom.  They looked like two different colors and she even mentioned that on the show.

    I know you already picked the color but would you have more options open to her if you picked a different color that still works with your color scheme?  Or have you talked to the other two girls and see if they like any of the satin styles.

    But I think you have been pretty flexible so far.  I don't think it is wrong to have a majority vote on things because no group of women will ever agree on every detail and just say here are the three options to pick from.

    melbelleup
  • I think it's within reason to choose the color/fabric/length and let the BMs choose between three styles.  As @maggie0809 said it's impossible to get a group of women to agree on every detail of something. It sounds like your heart is in the right place and you want them to be happy and comfortable, but you've got to stop shopping at some point.
  • I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to choose any of 3 dresses. I'm sorry, but as long as it's in her budget, you get to pick the dress. Fortunately for her, you've offered her 3 choices instead of just telling her what the dress is going to be. I'd say this to her, "Hi Sally, unless you have another suggestion that everyone can agree to, this is what we're going to do. let me know by (insert date) if you come up with something else. If not, you can pick any of the 3 styles in Malibu - completely up to you. Let me know."

    Most brides pick a dress in the BM budget and say, "here ya go - order it in your size." I think it's more than reasonable to give her 3 options and let her pick from there. 
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    What exactly does she not like about how she looks in the three dresses?



  • Thanks everyone! I thought it was within reason to give them three options - at least I'm giving them an option!

    I should probably ask her to pinpoint a specific reason why she's uncomfortable in the dress. She is bigger on top, and I think that is part of it, although all three dresses cover her quite well and she's not by any means "falling out" of them. 

    I don't want to change the color. I've basically planned everything thinking the dresses would be this color, and I LOVE the color. And I don't like the satin especially because 1 - my dress is better complimented with chiffon and 2 - the color definitely looks different between the two fabrics and I don't really like the darker satin as much.

    Anyway, thanks for the suggestions and helpful comments. I'm hoping she realizes that she does look good in the dresses. I know which dress of the three she'll pick if she has to, I'm just hoping it's her deciding and not me forcing it on her.

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    If she's uncomfortable with the top of the dress, would it be possible to give her a pashmina or wrap of some sort? I'm bigger on top, and I know sometimes it can be hard to feel modest in the dress, even if other people think it's fine.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Do any of the dresses have straps?  Maybe it is the lack of straps that she is uncomfortable with.  Being larger on top sometimes calls for straps to make you feel like you are really secure in the dress.

    KeptInStitches
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Can you post links to the three dresses in question?



  • As a "bigger on top" former bridesmaid, can I ask if you chose all empire-waist dresses? Because she might technically be covered standing still but once she moves, or dances, or whatever...it's a close call. I ask because this happened to me when asked to wear an empire waist dress and there were some photos that were...well, a centimeter from indecent.

    But, I agree with figuring out what makes her uncomfortable. Maybe it is an issue that can be fixed in alterations that she hasn't considered. But 3 dresses is a good number to pick from. Its nice the other bridesmaid wants them to match but if she likes the same one as the MoH or the 3rd one, I would suggest letting it go (which it sounds like you have)
  • I wanted to come here and add my 2 cents!  First Malibu Blue from Davids Bridal is the same color I am using for My BM's too!!!! Its an amazing color so i can see why you wouldn't want to change it.  I would try to steer clear of different fabrics as it is not just a color difference but in photos with a flash something satin will stand out much more than Chiffon would. 

    I agree with the PP's in that 3 dress choices is more than many brides give and that it is quiet possible that a wrap/straps would make her more comfortable.  I am also a large on top kinda girl so I can understand if that is the problem.

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