I only have 1 hour of open bar. When should it begin?

Viczaesar

ElcaB said:

NYCMercedes said:

grumbledore said:

I agree with PPs.  Cash bars are impolite.

However, I will also say that there is a VERY popular venue in my area that has several large ballrooms and frequently has multiple weddings happening at the same time, and there is literally no way to get the bar closed down or limited if you have your wedding there.  I can see, on some level, how this happens sometimes.  That said, I would never choose to have my wedding there since that would be a deal breaker for me, because as everyone said, it's rude.

If you can host the bar for an hour and then close it, then fine.  Do it during the cocktail hour or after dinner, imo.  If you can host beer and wine all night for a similar price, then do that.

NOT fine to have it open for and hour and then close it. All PP, save one, said not to do that.

Wait a minute. Lots of previous discussions on TK revolve around closing the bar for a period of time during dinner or elsewhere, and most members didn't consider that to be poor etiquette. How is closing the bar after an hour any different? 

1.  Closing the bar =/= cash bar.  The bar is actually closed, not just not hosted.
2.  The idea behind closing the bar during dinner is that most people are sitting down and eating and thus there is not a demand for the bar.  We also often suggest having wine on the tables during that time if people are planning on closing the bar during dinner.  The bar is closed during dinner and then reopened when people are likely to be using it again.

Apples and oranges.

Maggie0829

Viczaesar said:

ElcaB said:

NYCMercedes said:

grumbledore said:

I agree with PPs.  Cash bars are impolite.

However, I will also say that there is a VERY popular venue in my area that has several large ballrooms and frequently has multiple weddings happening at the same time, and there is literally no way to get the bar closed down or limited if you have your wedding there.  I can see, on some level, how this happens sometimes.  That said, I would never choose to have my wedding there since that would be a deal breaker for me, because as everyone said, it's rude.

If you can host the bar for an hour and then close it, then fine.  Do it during the cocktail hour or after dinner, imo.  If you can host beer and wine all night for a similar price, then do that.

NOT fine to have it open for and hour and then close it. All PP, save one, said not to do that.

Wait a minute. Lots of previous discussions on TK revolve around closing the bar for a period of time during dinner or elsewhere, and most members didn't consider that to be poor etiquette. How is closing the bar after an hour any different? 

1.  Closing the bar =/= cash bar.  The bar is actually closed, not just not hosted.
2.  The idea behind closing the bar during dinner is that most people are sitting down and eating and thus there is not a demand for the bar.  We also often suggest having wine on the tables during that time if people are planning on closing the bar during dinner.  The bar is closed during dinner and then reopened when people are likely to be using it again.

Apples and oranges.

This.

southernbelle0915

OP I'm sorry to hear about your accident. Unfortunately, this ding to your budget doesn't excuse having a cash bar. If you check into the beer/wine option and it's still too expensive, you may have to have a dry wedding (if you want to stay within etiquette, that is - I'm assuming you do since you posted on the Etiquette board). 

The reason cash bars are rude is because you're not properly hosting your guests. You offer guests what you can afford to offer them. For example, you wouldn't invite someone into your home, offer them spaghetti and let them know for a small fee of $7 they can upgrade to lobster... No. you'd only offer spaghetti if that's what you can afford. Lobster just wouldn't be on the menu. The concept doesn't change just because it's alcohol. If you can afford to offer it, offer it. If you can't, don't. That's proper etiquette.

jlazgrl

Ok lets try a different scenario. I could POSSIBLY work it to where i could afford 1 extra hour. If that is the case would it be ok to have only soft drinks, tea, ect until the end of dinner, then open bar for 2 hours and close the bar 30 minutes prior to the end of the evening?

ElcaB

Viczaesar said:

ElcaB said:

NYCMercedes said:

grumbledore said:

I agree with PPs.  Cash bars are impolite.

However, I will also say that there is a VERY popular venue in my area that has several large ballrooms and frequently has multiple weddings happening at the same time, and there is literally no way to get the bar closed down or limited if you have your wedding there.  I can see, on some level, how this happens sometimes.  That said, I would never choose to have my wedding there since that would be a deal breaker for me, because as everyone said, it's rude.

If you can host the bar for an hour and then close it, then fine.  Do it during the cocktail hour or after dinner, imo.  If you can host beer and wine all night for a similar price, then do that.

NOT fine to have it open for and hour and then close it. All PP, save one, said not to do that.

Wait a minute. Lots of previous discussions on TK revolve around closing the bar for a period of time during dinner or elsewhere, and most members didn't consider that to be poor etiquette. How is closing the bar after an hour any different? 

1.  Closing the bar =/= cash bar.  The bar is actually closed, not just not hosted.
2.  The idea behind closing the bar during dinner is that most people are sitting down and eating and thus there is not a demand for the bar.  We also often suggest having wine on the tables during that time if people are planning on closing the bar during dinner.  The bar is closed during dinner and then reopened when people are likely to be using it again.

Apples and oranges.

Let me clarify: I agree, cash bars are impolite. I think we're all in agreement there, but the bold suggests that it's rude to close the bar, period. Obviously if the bar is closed, there is no cash bar. 

I still don't think there's anything wrong with closing the bar after an hour if that's all OP can afford, provided guests are that the bar closes at XX. 

Viczaesar

ElcaB said:

Viczaesar said:

ElcaB said:

NYCMercedes said:

grumbledore said:

I agree with PPs.  Cash bars are impolite.

However, I will also say that there is a VERY popular venue in my area that has several large ballrooms and frequently has multiple weddings happening at the same time, and there is literally no way to get the bar closed down or limited if you have your wedding there.  I can see, on some level, how this happens sometimes.  That said, I would never choose to have my wedding there since that would be a deal breaker for me, because as everyone said, it's rude.

If you can host the bar for an hour and then close it, then fine.  Do it during the cocktail hour or after dinner, imo.  If you can host beer and wine all night for a similar price, then do that.

NOT fine to have it open for and hour and then close it. All PP, save one, said not to do that.

Wait a minute. Lots of previous discussions on TK revolve around closing the bar for a period of time during dinner or elsewhere, and most members didn't consider that to be poor etiquette. How is closing the bar after an hour any different? 

1.  Closing the bar =/= cash bar.  The bar is actually closed, not just not hosted.
2.  The idea behind closing the bar during dinner is that most people are sitting down and eating and thus there is not a demand for the bar.  We also often suggest having wine on the tables during that time if people are planning on closing the bar during dinner.  The bar is closed during dinner and then reopened when people are likely to be using it again.

Apples and oranges.

Let me clarify: I agree, cash bars are impolite. I think we're all in agreement there, but the bold suggests that it's rude to close the bar, period. Obviously if the bar is closed, there is no cash bar. 

I still don't think there's anything wrong with closing the bar after an hour if that's all OP can afford, provided guests are that the bar closes at XX. 

Rude to close the bar for the rest of the night, yes.  It's rude to start hosting something and then make it unavailable thereafter.  Closing the bar during dinner is not the same thing, as I already explained.

itzMS

jlazgrl said:

Ok lets try a different scenario. I could POSSIBLY work it to where i could afford 1 extra hour. If that is the case would it be ok to have only soft drinks, tea, ect until the end of dinner, then open bar for 2 hours and close the bar 30 minutes prior to the end of the evening?

No not really. It still creates the awkwardness/mad dash to the bar that Kate spoke about earlier.

Plus, when would be the "end of dinner"?

jlazgrl

The "end of dinner" would be at 8:30 when plates are collected and open dancing begins.

Maggie0829

Again I have to agree with Viczaesar.  Closing the bar completely is rude because that usually means that no drinks whether alcohol or not are being served.  You can't just not serve your guests drinks, I mean they will get thirsty.

Closing the alcohol portion of the bar down after an hour but still serving non-alcoholic beverages free of charge is still rude.  You are providing your guests with something and then basically snatching it away from them.  It would be like giving a kid a popsicle and then after a few sucks taking it away. Not very nice.

But closing the bar down just for dinner is not the same thing because you aren't closing it down forever and you aren't changing up what you are serving when it reopens.

NYCMercedes

First, thank you @viczaesar and @maggie0829.

jlazgrl said:

The "end of dinner" would be at 8:30 when plates are collected and open dancing begins.

Second, @jlazgrl, I think you have made a better choice to start with no bar, and then open the bar after dinner. If you're having a DJ, I could see them sort of "opening the party" announcement with dancing and drinking.

ElcaB

Viczaesar said: ElcaB said: Viczaesar said: ElcaB said:
NYCMercedes said: grumbledore said: I agree with PPs.  Cash bars are impolite.
However, I will also say that there is a VERY popular venue in my area that has several large ballrooms and frequently has multiple weddings happening at the same time, and there is literally no way to get the bar closed down or limited if you have your wedding there.  I can see, on some level, how this happens sometimes.  That said, I would never choose to have my wedding there since that would be a deal breaker for me, because as everyone said, it's rude.
If you can host the bar for an hour and then close it, then fine.  Do it during the cocktail hour or after dinner, imo.  If you can host beer and wine all night for a similar price, then do that.
NOT fine to have it open for and hour and then close it. All PP, save one, said not to do that. Wait a minute. Lots of previous discussions on TK revolve around closing the bar for a period of time during dinner or elsewhere, and most members didn't consider that to be poor etiquette. How is closing the bar after an hour any different? 
1.  Closing the bar =/= cash bar.  The bar is actually closed, not just not hosted.
2.  The idea behind closing the bar during dinner is that most people are sitting down and eating and thus there is not a demand for the bar.  We also often suggest having wine on the tables during that time if people are planning on closing the bar during dinner.  The bar is closed during dinner and then reopened when people are likely to be using it again.

Apples and oranges.
Let me clarify: I agree, cash bars are impolite. I think we're all in agreement there, but the bold suggests that it's rude to close the bar, period. Obviously if the bar is closed, there is no cash bar. 
I still don't think there's anything wrong with closing the bar after an hour if that's all OP can afford, provided guests are that the bar closes at XX.  Rude to close the bar for the rest of the night, yes.  It's rude to start hosting something and then make it unavailable thereafter.  Closing the bar during dinner is not the same thing, as I already explained.

Because these quote boxes are getting hella long, and because we're going to keep disagreeing, here is a non sequitur from my favorite episode of BMW as a gesture of goodwill:

ETA: Quote boxed. 

southernbelle0915

Maggie0829 said:

Again I have to agree with Viczaesar.  Closing the bar completely is rude because that usually means that no drinks whether alcohol or not are being served.  You can't just not serve your guests drinks, I mean they will get thirsty.

Closing the alcohol portion of the bar down after an hour but still serving non-alcoholic beverages free of charge is still rude.  You are providing your guests with something and then basically snatching it away from them.  It would be like giving a kid a popsicle and then after a few sucks taking it away. Not very nice.

But closing the bar down just for dinner is not the same thing because you aren't closing it down forever and you aren't changing up what you are serving when it reopens.

I don't understand how the second bolded is any different from the first bolded. You're either offering something (alcohol) and you're offering it for the duration of the event OR you aren't (closing the bar during/before/after dinner).

My suggestion is to check with the venue to price out beer/wine only and offer this for the duration of the event. OR if you can't afford that, have a dry wedding. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a dry wedding from an etiquette perspective. Nothing at all. If you already have your date booked, maybe you could move things around to have a lunch/brunch reception where the lack of alcohol isn't as noticeable. 

jlazgrl

Actually at this point i am only 60 days out. The invitations have already been sent so there isnt a whole lot left that I can change. Which is why all these last minute changes and budget cuts are really taking a tole on me. My stress level is through the roof. So i really do appreciate everyones input.

southernbelle0915

jlazgrl said:

Actually at this point i am only 60 days out. The invitations have already been sent so there isnt a whole lot left that I can change. Which is why all these last minute changes and budget cuts are really taking a tole on me. My stress level is through the roof. So i really do appreciate everyones input.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. Personally, I'd do a dry wedding and save the money you would have spent on a bar. Get a couples massage and relax knowing you're getting married in two months (yay!) and all is gravy in the etiquette world. For a guest to complain about no alcohol at a wedding is rude on THEIR part so don't worry about it.

NYCMercedes

Good luck, @jlazgrl.

Maggie0829

Maggie0829 said:

Again I have to agree with Viczaesar.  Closing the bar completely is rude because that usually means that no drinks whether alcohol or not are being served.  You can't just not serve your guests drinks, I mean they will get thirsty.

Closing the alcohol portion of the bar down after an hour but still serving non-alcoholic beverages free of charge is still rude.  You are providing your guests with something and then basically snatching it away from them.  It would be like giving a kid a popsicle and then after a few sucks taking it away. Not very nice.

But closing the bar down just for dinner is not the same thing because you aren't closing it down forever and you aren't changing up what you are serving when it reopens.

I don't understand how the second bolded is any different from the first bolded. You're either offering something (alcohol) and you're offering it for the duration of the event OR you aren't (closing the bar during/before/after dinner).

My suggestion is to check with the venue to price out beer/wine only and offer this for the duration of the event. OR if you can't afford that, have a dry wedding. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a dry wedding from an etiquette perspective. Nothing at all. If you already have your date booked, maybe you could move things around to have a lunch/brunch reception where the lack of alcohol isn't as noticeable. 

Go back and read Viczaesar's explanation as to why closing it during dinner and then reopening it is different from just having a bar open for one hour and that is it.  She explains it very well.

Edit:  And I so did not mean for that to come across as sounding me, but I have just been worn down mentally by another thread so my energy level is ridiculously low.  I think I need a cupcake or a stiff drink

happyfor25

NYCMercedes said:

First, thank you @viczaesar and @maggie0829.

jlazgrl said:

The "end of dinner" would be at 8:30 when plates are collected and open dancing begins.

Second, @jlazgrl, I think you have made a better choice to start with no bar, and then open the bar after dinner. If you're having a DJ, I could see them sort of "opening the party" announcement with dancing and drinking.

I agree with NYC.

I'm sorry that you are so stressed, the situation sounds really shitty for you right now.  I think the best course of action would be to talk to the venue about beer/wine option.  If that cannot be done, then I think this might be your best alternative.  Best of luck to you.

Viczaesar

@Maggie0829, may I suggest a Guinness chocolate cupcake with Bailey's Irish Cream frosting?  Best of both worlds!

Maggie0829

Viczaesar said:

@Maggie0829, may I suggest a Guinness chocolate cupcake with Bailey's Irish Cream frosting?  Best of both worlds!

OMG that sounds so freaking delightful!  That and a cozy pair of sweatpants and I would be one happy and content girl right now.

Jen4948

I'm very sorry this happened.

That said, cash bars are not okay.  I'd go beer/wine only or dry instead.  It's really not okay to make guests take out their wallets for anything at a hosted event.

AllyIdo

I went to a wedding once where the bar was only open for cocktail hour. Word spread like wildfire and people were slinging back g+t's like it was nobody's business. Some were ordering 2 or 3 at a time and hoarding them at their tables. It was like a show on Discovery Channel... you could just hear the Australian guy narrating the thing in your head.

If I was at a wedding and the bar was completely closed after my first drink I'd be so fucking pissed.

southernbelle0915

AllyIdo said:

I went to a wedding once where the bar was only open for cocktail hour. Word spread like wildfire and people were slinging back g+t's like it was nobody's business. Some were ordering 2 or 3 at a time and hoarding them at their tables. It was like a show on Discovery Channel... you could just hear the Australian guy narrating the thing in your head.

If I was at a wedding and the bar was completely closed after my first drink I'd be so fucking pissed.

hahah I just LOL'd imagining this in my head...

AllyIdo

Ah! Crikey! The grey-suited gentleman devours his drink at the watering hole, leaving the female cubs to defend themselves!

southernbelle0915 said:

hahah I just LOL'd imagining this in my head...

MrsMack10612

Maggie0829 said:

Viczaesar said:

@Maggie0829, may I suggest a Guinness chocolate cupcake with Bailey's Irish Cream frosting?  Best of both worlds!

OMG that sounds so freaking delightful!  That and a cozy pair of sweatpants and I would be one happy and content girl right now.

 

Can't get out of the quote box:

 

I was just reading this thread, I make these cupcakes, but add a filling of irish whisky ganache to them.

Jen4948

MrsMack10612 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Viczaesar said:

@Maggie0829, may I suggest a Guinness chocolate cupcake with Bailey's Irish Cream frosting?  Best of both worlds!

OMG that sounds so freaking delightful!  That and a cozy pair of sweatpants and I would be one happy and content girl right now.

 

Can't get out of the quote box:

 

I was just reading this thread, I make these cupcakes, but add a filling of irish whisky ganache to them.

Recipe!

MrsMack10612

@jen4948

here is the recipe I use, but I use a different frosting.

I have also developed a spinoff recipe using wit beer - making a vanilla cupcake, with lemon/lemoncello center and a raspberry liquer frosting.

http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2009/01/car-bomb-cupcakes/

Jen4948

@MrsMack10612,

Thanks, I just bookmarked it!  That's definitely worth keeping.

Now back to our regularly scheduled discussion...

PrettyGirlLost

Viczaesar said:

@Maggie0829, may I suggest a Guinness chocolate cupcake with Bailey's Irish Cream frosting?  Best of both worlds!

My SIL makes those. . . We call em Irish Carbomb Cupcakes!