Wedding Shower Etiquette for Out of Town Guests

joyfulnoise212 · September 2013

Most of my friends and relatives are local, but most of my fiance's relatives live out of town. We already know they will be invited to (and most likely attend) the wedding, but what about the bridal shower? Is it correct etiquette to send them an invitation anyway, even though we know they won't be able to come? I don't want any of his family to feel excluded, but I also don't want them to think I'm only inviting them so they will send a gift.

itzMS · September 2013

joyfulnoise212 said:

Most of my friends and relatives are local, but most of my fiance's relatives live out of town. We already know they will be invited to (and most likely attend) the wedding, but what about the bridal shower? Is it correct etiquette to send them an invitation anyway, even though we know they won't be able to come? I don't want any of his family to feel excluded, but I also don't want them to think I'm only inviting them so they will send a gift.

Who is hosting your bridal shower? They should tell you the # of guests you can invite.

If it were me, I would always have your future MIL, grandmothers in law, and any sisters in law on the guest list. No need to extend to aunts, cousins, etc, IMHO.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

I think it depends upon your relationship with each person. I am not a believer that all women invited to the wedding need to be invited to the shower. But if you have a close relationship with a few of his OOT family members I think it is fine to invite them. They may surprise you and come for a visit. I invited my H's sister because we get a long very well and even though she lives out in CA and I live in MD I still was hoping she would come. Unfortunately she couldn't make it but she thanked me for inviting her and thought it was nice that I wanted her to be there.

joyfulnoise212 · September 2013

My church family will be hosting the shower. They usually just ask the bride how many invitations she would like and print them accordingly, so the number of guests I can have is pretty flexible.

My future MIL might be able to come...she lives about 4 hours from where the shower will be. Everyone else is waaay out of town.

itzMS · September 2013

joyfulnoise212 said:

My church family will be hosting the shower. They usually just ask the bride how many invitations she would like and print them accordingly, so the number of guests I can have is pretty flexible.

My future MIL might be able to come...she lives about 4 hours from where the shower will be. Everyone else is waaay out of town.

I'd stick to just local family, then. And your FMIL.

If your family was hosting, it would be kind to extend some extra invites to FI's family.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

I'd invite your FMIL and other immediate in-law family. Other than that, it's at the discretion of how many people the hosts can afford to include. Sometimes the groom's family will also offer to throw a shower for his side if they want their relatives included - not always.

cruffino · September 2013

my FMIL gave my sister (the host) her guest list. maybe you could ask her who she wants included?

ashleyep · September 2013

My aunt from Arizona always flies back to Massachusetts for her nieces' showers. Are you positive they won't be able to make it? If whoever is hosting your shower can accommodate them, you can certainly invite them. Receiving an invite doesn't mean you have to give if a gift if you decline.