Invitation came in...

Simply Fated

My friend's FMIL offered to do the invitations for her and her fiance. FMIL had beautiful invitations made and put them out herself.

My friend called me earlier today all upset because her fiance's cousin's invitation was addressed to Jane Doe and Guest. Not Jane Doe and Fiance's Name. Cousin is really pissed off and blamed my friend's fiance, but he was, like, "My mom did the invitations..." And then his mom got all pissed... and it turned out to be a bit of a mess.
My friend wanted to vent to me and basically just let me know beforehand that if the invitation says Simply Fated and Guest, that she's sorry. I told her don't worry about it, it's just not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I know it wasn't her fault, you know?

I get home from work andd..... Yeah, it says Simply Fated and Guest.

Dude, it sucked to see that. I was warned it was going to happen, but it still hurt to see it in print like that. We've been together for a third of my lifetime. We're just as committed as any couple. But, apparently he's interchangable with any old person I want to bring...?

Anyway, it's not the worst thing to happen in the grand scheme of things. It's just.... if any lurkers are out there reading this... if you know the names of your guests' significant others, please use them.
And if you don;'t know their names... find out. And if you aren't close enough to find out, then why in heaven's name are you inviting them to your wedding, of all things?


On a side note... the RSVP date is a month prior to the wedding. Do you think there is going to be a B List based on declines or is 4 weeks standard? I think it sounds very early to me, but maybe it varies by area or something? I don't know, I'm asking you guys lol.

HisGirlFriday13

I'm so sorry. That does suck, and it doesn't matter how much warning you had. It still sucks hairy monkey toes.

Four weeks seems, to me, to be a B-list situation. Our wedding is Oct. 13, and our RSVP deadline is Sept. 25, which gives us a week or 10 days to round up stragglers and give the final head count to our venue and also do the seating chart. I didn't want to be doing the seating chart last-minute.

Keep us updated on what happens!

Xstatic3333

That's super rude, I'm sorry. It's nice that your friend was able to warn you at least!

I wouldn't assume b-list with a month, but it is possible. In my area, that would be only the early side of normal. Our counts were due at two weeks, which is pretty common in these parts. We only gave ourselves a week for stragglers, but if we'd done two like many recommend we'd have been at a month. Also, lots of people who don't research it are just innocently clueless about these things.

southernbelle0915

Simply Fated said:

My friend's FMIL offered to do the invitations for her and her fiance. FMIL had beautiful invitations made and put them out herself.

My friend called me earlier today all upset because her fiance's cousin's invitation was addressed to Jane Doe and Guest. Not Jane Doe and Fiance's Name. Cousin is really pissed off and blamed my friend's fiance, but he was, like, "My mom did the invitations..." And then his mom got all pissed... and it turned out to be a bit of a mess.
My friend wanted to vent to me and basically just let me know beforehand that if the invitation says Simply Fated and Guest, that she's sorry. I told her don't worry about it, it's just not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I know it wasn't her fault, you know?

I get home from work andd..... Yeah, it says Simply Fated and Guest.

Dude, it sucked to see that. I was warned it was going to happen, but it still hurt to see it in print like that. We've been together for a third of my lifetime. We're just as committed as any couple. But, apparently he's interchangable with any old person I want to bring...?

Anyway, it's not the worst thing to happen in the grand scheme of things. It's just.... if any lurkers are out there reading this... if you know the names of your guests' significant others, please use them.
And if you don;'t know their names... find out. And if you aren't close enough to find out, then why in heaven's name are you inviting them to your wedding, of all things? This. It's just laziness when you know the person has an SO and you'd rather get the invitations out than make phone calls. I wonder though... unless FMIL made the guest list, wouldn't your friend and her FI have given her a list of who the invitations go to? If they did, your SO's name was written on it and FMIL decided to replace it with guest then that's even worse.


On a side note... the RSVP date is a month prior to the wedding. Do you think there is going to be a B List based on declines or is 4 weeks standard? I think it sounds very early to me, but maybe it varies by area or something? I don't know, I'm asking you guys lol. I think I'd side-eye anything more than 4 weeks, but I don't think 4 weeks is that bad. I'd still advise people to shoot for 2-3 weeks but I wouldn't really care if they tacked a week onto that.

melbelleup

On a side note... the RSVP date is a month prior to the wedding. Do you think there is going to be a B List based on declines or is 4 weeks standard? I think it sounds very early to me, but maybe it varies by area or something? I don't know, I'm asking you guys lol.

It depends on the venue and distance. My venue requires 2 week notice of final head count. The cards are also being mailed to me in NC even though the wedding is in PA and majority are in PA. I'm doing a month out RSVP, but that being said, once you add in the two weeks prior for the venue it gives me a week and 1/2 to hunt down everyone.

bjhubble

My RSVP deadline was August 17 for my September 14 (!!!) wedding.  The venue actually ordered the invitations for us, and that was their recommended RSVP deadline.  They ask for final numbers about 2 weeks out, so it gave us 2 weeks to track down stragglers.  I wouldn't assume B-list.

KeptInStitches

Ugh. I feel your pain. I have yet to not be listed as an "and guest," and we've been together almost 5 years.

Maggie0829

Time out.  So the FMIL did the invites but the couple didn't think to do a peer of the addresses before the invites were completed?  Did they not give her a detailed list of addresses?  Or did she just say "fuck that" and do it how she wanted?

As for the RSVPs, 4 weeks is not that early.  I had mine come back I think between 3.5-4 weeks ahead of our wedding date because the total numbers were due 2 weeks before and I wanted to leave some time for any straggler RSVPs to come and as well as time to call anyone who forgot to RSVP.

Kristen625

Something similar happened to me recently, and now I know I'm not completely crazy for it to bug me so much.  My FI friends had their second baby (whom I have known since FI and I started dating), and two weeks after she was born, we went over there together to give our congrats, and I gave her a hand crocheted sweater that I personally made for the new baby.  Fast forward a month and change, and there was an envelope addressed to my FI only from them, I wasn't even on the envelope at all.  Inside was just the baby announcement, with no thank you note of any kind for the hand made gift I gave her.  FI and I have been living together since early May, were engaged (which she knew) before she sent out the announcement.  I was quite miffed that I wasn't even included on the addressed envelope.  I haven't mentioned it to FI cause he would probably just say I'm being silly but it was kind of upset at just being forgotten essentially.  She was just too damn lazy to add me to the envelope I guess. 

ashleyep

Simply Fated said:

My friend's FMIL offered to do the invitations for her and her fiance. FMIL had beautiful invitations made and put them out herself.

My friend called me earlier today all upset because her fiance's cousin's invitation was addressed to Jane Doe and Guest. Not Jane Doe and Fiance's Name. Cousin is really pissed off and blamed my friend's fiance, but he was, like, "My mom did the invitations..." And then his mom got all pissed... and it turned out to be a bit of a mess.
My friend wanted to vent to me and basically just let me know beforehand that if the invitation says Simply Fated and Guest, that she's sorry. I told her don't worry about it, it's just not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I know it wasn't her fault, you know?

I get home from work andd..... Yeah, it says Simply Fated and Guest.

Dude, it sucked to see that. I was warned it was going to happen, but it still hurt to see it in print like that. We've been together for a third of my lifetime. We're just as committed as any couple. But, apparently he's interchangable with any old person I want to bring...?

Anyway, it's not the worst thing to happen in the grand scheme of things. It's just.... if any lurkers are out there reading this... if you know the names of your guests' significant others, please use them.
And if you don;'t know their names... find out. And if you aren't close enough to find out, then why in heaven's name are you inviting them to your wedding, of all things?


On a side note... the RSVP date is a month prior to the wedding. Do you think there is going to be a B List based on declines or is 4 weeks standard? I think it sounds very early to me, but maybe it varies by area or something? I don't know, I'm asking you guys lol.

Ugh, I know that feeling. My cousin got married a few years ago and my now-fiance, then boyfriend was ("and guest"). It hurt. They had known him for years, we see each other all the time. It just felt lazy to me.

I went to my other cousin's bachelorette party this summer and we got in a discussion about this. She said they also were inviting anyone by name who wasn't married, engaged, or living together. Her reasoning was "well relationships can change, [cousin S] just ended his long term relationship" - of course this was right after we were discussing a marriage that was ending. My thought was so?! Then he could call you and ask if he could bring someone else. But you know that my sister's boyfriend and my brother's girlfriend already bought plane tickets, and you've known them for years, why wouldn't you just put their names on it? Lo and behold my sister broke up with her boyfriend and now everyone is all "I told you so" to me. Which is ridiculous. So what? If her invite was addressed to the two of them, she could just call and ask if she can bring someone else (or not, because it requires a flight). But at least you're acknowledging the relationship. My other cousin (the one who got married a few years ago) told me later that she was inviting me to the wedding, not my then boyfriend, but that he was my guest. I told her "well I'm not inviting your husband as anything other than your guest, but his name still goes on the damn invitation."

My other cousin has been with her boyfriend for 6 years and they live together. They aren't in a rush to get married, but they've been together longer than the bride has been with her fiance. She texted me a few days ago to tell me that the MOB texted her mom to tell her that the reason they didn't put her boyfriend's name on the invite (even though they live together) was because they didn't know how to spell his last name. How ridiculous is that?

KeptInStitches

@ashleyep, I've been a victim of "can't-spell-the-last-name" too! How hard is it to get on Facebook and check, or (here's a radical notion) call and ask?

ashleyep

KeptInStitches said:

@ashleyep, I've been a victim of "can't-spell-the-last-name" too! How hard is it to get on Facebook and check, or (here's a radical notion) call and ask?

Seriously! I'm 11 months away and I've already been calling and asking for names and spellings. It's not hard if you don't put it off until you send out the invites. And my family is all super close - so it would have been very easy for the bride, or her mom, to ask my cousin or her mom.

My fiance's name was on the invite, but only because we're now engaged. Both of my siblings got "And guest" - my sister broke up with her bf of 5 years around the time we got the invites. I have a friend who lives in the city the wedding is in. I should have my sister bring her as her "and guest" since they didn't specify by name.

APDSS22

A friend of mine did that with her escort cards. My then FI/now H was "and Guest". Of course that was only the least of her etiquette mishaps...

ashleyep

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

A friend of mine did that with her escort cards. My then FI/now H was "and Guest". Of course that was only the least of her etiquette mishaps...

On the escort card?! Did you RSVP with his name?? That's awful.

APDSS22

ashleyep said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

A friend of mine did that with her escort cards. My then FI/now H was "and Guest". Of course that was only the least of her etiquette mishaps...

On the escort card?! Did you RSVP with his name?? That's awful.

Why yes, I did. And she'd met FI/now H and knew him. We were fb official if she was having a spelling issue. She did that with everyone not married. *rolls eyes*

JeeGooDowster

I would say on the invitation, it's definitely annoying...and definitely laziness.  The Bride and Groom should have done their homework and given his mother the full guest list.  I got married a month ago and my husband's best man, we addressed as "& Guest" and he's been with her for 5+ years.  Now that I read this thread, I'm a little embarrassed...but the husband was extra lazy and I ended up doing everything with his mom and my mom (no it's not me being a bridezilla!).  However, on the escort cards, we made sure her name (and any other +1's) was printed.  At this point, it's just a slight mishap...shame on his cousin for being so annoyed and causing stupid drama.  I would RSVP with your name and your boyfriend's name...if it still says "& guest" on the escort card, then you know the bride and groom are just lazy and yes you can be a bit ticked.

jlazgrl

My RSVP date is 1 month prior as well. But that is because i have to have a final head count 2 weeks before the wedding date and I know some of my guests are procrastinators and will probably send them about a week late. That way I will still have about a week to get a hold of anyone who didnt respond.  

LizM61409

Nobody minds being asked. I was texted to ask what FI's last name is for a recent wedding- she could have easily found it on facebook but that's really no big deal- I'd rather they find out and get it right than say "and guest"

phira

Ugh, that totally sucks.

Advice to anyone in charge of addressing invitations: You should ask guests if they have a significant other, and what that person's name is. It's not rude or awkward, and your invitation to that person doesn't need to be a surprise.

As for the RSVP deadline, I've seen 4 and 5 weeks when I haven't been B-listed. Some caterers ask for headcounts 14 days in advance, and some people have friends and family who are famously lazy about RSVPs. I'd consider doing a 4 week deadline: the venue we're likely picking (which has its own catering) asks for 14 days notice, and that gives us 1 week to wait for stragglers, and a second week to make phone calls. Some of my friends and family don't reply to calls or emails for up to a week.

smalfrie19

It was fun. I was invited to my estranged father's wedding. A) the invite went in the trash and I told my mother (they are divorced) that the next time she talked to him to let him know he must have been crazy to think I would fly across the country without my boyfriend to attend his wedding.

HisGirlFriday13

I will be one of those 'and guest' escort card brides, but I swear it's not my fault!

FI's BM is truly single, so he was invited without a plus-one. He added one to his RSVP. He was going to bring a girl I've met (and don't much like but whatever), but now she's busy and can't come so he's bringing someone ELSE but hasn't decided who and FI can't get an answer out of him and I'm like, 'we have to know by Oct.9,' please. If we don't...her name goes as 'and guest' on the seating chart.

delujm0

i hope 4 weeks isn't too early, because that's what i'm doing.  i need to have final counts in to 3 different places for 3 different events 2-2.5 weeks out.  i did 4 weeks so that i wouldn't lose my mind keeping track of everything.  there will be no B list.

 

it's lame that they didn't bother to figure out your SO's name, and it does come off as lazy, but i don't know if i would be "hurt" by that.  that's a little oversensitive for me.  i'd be annoyed that the sender was lazy, but i don't think i'd be crying myself to sleep or anything.

cedixon0

I'll just put this out there regarding the "B" list question - my caterer actually wanted my head count 4 weeks out, so my RSVP deadline was 6 weeks - which I know is ridiculously long, but it was only so that I could get the caterer the # in time.  Also, most people are OOT guests, so the invites went out at 10 weeks, so they still had 4 weeks to respond.  

gmcr78

My friend just did the same thing to my FI-we got the invitation just a couple of weeks ago and it was addressed to me "and guest".  When we've been engaged for 2 years and getting married 2 weeks after them.  Grrrr

Simply Fated

The FMIL ignored SOs that aren't married.
She had even met her niece's fiance a few times, but chose to use "and guest" anyway.

My friend's mistake was not asking to see the envelopes before they went out.


@ashleyep I was thinking the same thing as I was reading your story... marriages end, too. Maybe it's because my own parents are divorced and my mom has zero intentions of marrying her boyfriend, but I just don't get the whole "no ring, no bring" rule. I just don't get it.
Brides come on here all the time asking what to do about divorcing couples. It happens.
And, yes, it's very ridiculous that they couldn't just ask how to spell his name.

MuppetOverlord

I'd be caught off guard by it and disappointed, but there's no way I'm going to call up the bride and bitch about it.

 

 

[Deleted User]

It always rubs me the wrong way when that happens to me and FI. We sent our invitations out on Friday but it was like an uphill battle getting the SO's names of his friends. He does not seem to understand the difference between a SO and guest no matter how many times I explain it to him. I think I called four of his friends to ask for their SO's name. One of the SO picked up and actually thanked me for asking!

CrazyCatLady3

On someone else's thread last week, I mentioned that I was going to ask for rsvps 4 weeks in advance, and a bunch of people chimed in that it was rude to ask for them so early because it is inconvenient for guests to have to know of their availability so far in advance.  I'm glad other people here don't think so.  

mommapizano

@CrazyCatLady3, mine are also 4 weeks out. I know we are going to have very last minute stragglers and our counts are due 2 weeks before. I wanted enough time to waits a few days after the deadline before we start making calls. 

The last two weddings I went to asked for theirs 4+ weeks ahead, I didn't think anything of it. Both of these weddings almost all the guests were from out of town and mine is the same situation. 

WildMagelet

FI and I have been together over 7 years and I think we've received one invitation with both names on it ever.  It's like - "and guest", really?  You've met him/me how many times?

Salsera29

My invitation to my cousin's wedding was addressed the same, to "Salsera and Guest" after I was engaged. My then-FI had met my cousin more than once by this point. I was really irritated and surprised. But then, she had a WP-only head table, closed the bar during dinner, and didn't have chairs for everyone at the ceremony so at least she kept the theme going.