Bridal party and their dates seated separately??

jlazgrl

People have been telling me that the bridal party should be seated at the head table and their dates should be seated at a table near the head table ( for the sake of photos). But shouldnt they be seated WITH their dates? I dont know what to do here. I know that if I were the date of a groomsman and was seated at a different table full of people i didnt know I would feel uncomfortable. Help?

manateehugger

jlazgrl said:

People have been telling me that the bridal party should be seated at the head table and their dates should be seated at a table near the head table ( for the sake of photos). But shouldnt they be seated WITH their dates? I dont know what to do here. I know that if I were the date of a groomsman and was seated at a different table full of people i didnt know I would feel uncomfortable. Help?

You're 100% percent correct. Dates and significant others should ALWAYS be sat together, regardless of wedding party status. Anyone who tells you otherwise is more concerned with pretty pictures than with their friends' comfort. You've got a few options:

1. Do a sweetheart table with you and FI and assign seats to your wedding party as you would with any other guest (you could seat them at the tables closest to you if you'd like - such as all groomsman and dates on your right, all BM's and dates on your left, etc.)

2. Do a "King's Table" with your wedding party and their dates/SO's- basically a big giant table with people seated on both sides.

3. Do a regular headtable at which you can comfortably fit in all the dates and SO's. 

Jen4948

Absolutely.  Dates should be seated together, wedding party or no.

Maggie0829

You are right.  Separating your wedding party from their dates is not nice.

In addition to what PDKH said, you could also have a table where you sit with your parents and/or MOH and BM (with their dates/SO of course) and the rest of the bridal party and their dates could be strewn around with the rest of the guests.

manateehugger

Maggie0829 said:

You are right.  Separating your wedding party from their dates is not nice.

In addition to what PDKH said, you could also have a table where you sit with your parents and/or MOH and BM (with their dates/SO of course) and the rest of the bridal party and their dates could be strewn around with the rest of the guests.

Yes, yes! This too. There are a bazillion different options to do this the right way.

svc2014

I have never heard of many of those options. I can't imagine putting the date of an attendee that I don't even know very well at a the head table. I've been to plenty of weddings where my FI was an attendee and I was his date (and vice versa) and I/he sat with other friends that we knew. It was for an hour during dinner. Not the end of the world. And it was not looked upon as taboo by anyone.

JoanE2012

svc2014 said:

I have never heard of many of those options. I can't imagine putting the date of an attendee that I don't even know very well at a the head table. I've been to plenty of weddings where my FI was an attendee and I was his date (and vice versa) and I/he sat with other friends that we knew. It was for an hour during dinner. Not the end of the world. And it was not looked upon as taboo by anyone.

I've been to a wedding where my husband was in the wedding party.  He sat at the head table.  I sat at a table with people I didn't know. It's uncomfortable and not fun.  I really didn't enjoy myself during that time.  

We skipped the head table and had a sweetheart table instead.  The wedding party members sat with their dates at other tables. 

manateehugger

svc2014 said:

I have never heard of many of those options. I can't imagine putting the date of an attendee that I don't even know very well at a the head table. I've been to plenty of weddings where my FI was an attendee and I was his date (and vice versa) and I/he sat with other friends that we knew. It was for an hour during dinner. Not the end of the world. And it was not looked upon as taboo by anyone. 

So on a day celebrating love and relationships, it's ok to separate people from the ones they love?

I've been in a wedding party WITH FI and we were sat at opposite ends of the table (BM's on one side, GM's on the other). I thought it was incredibly annoying and rude. FI and I were mouthing stuff to each other all through dinner. 

manateehugger

Long story short: Would you rather have "perfect" photos/images of your head table? Or would you rather have your nearest and dearest as comfortable and happy as possible at your wedding?

HisGirlFriday13

I have never been seated with my date at a wedding where I have been a MOH/BM, and I have always hated it. 

And that's the weddings where I was allowed to bring a date. For two of the weddings I was in, the bride straight-up told me, "I know you're in a relationship, but I need you to focus on me on my wedding day and not be distracted by your boyfriend, so you can't bring him."

Needless to say, I am not friends with either of those women anymore. 

musicfrk2002

I only have one person in my WP (my sister) bringing a "date"...they have been friends for a long time, nothing more...he will be sitting with my parents, right across from the head table

southernbelle0915

svc2014 said:

I have never heard of many of those options. I can't imagine putting the date of an attendee that I don't even know very well at a the head table. I've been to plenty of weddings where my FI was an attendee and I was his date (and vice versa) and I/he sat with other friends that we knew. It was for an hour during dinner. Not the end of the world. And it was not looked upon as taboo by anyone.

It doesn't make sense to separate people from their husbands/wives/SOs for the sake of photos. If you want photos of the WP only, then take them. You wouldn't put all your uncles at one table and all your aunts at another table (separated from each other) because you wanted boys in one photo and girls in another. It doesn't make sense. 

Seat the WP with their dates. If you don't have room, have a sweetheart table and seat them at tables.

Maggie0829

H has been a BM in a wedding where they sat at the headtable and I was seated all the way in the back at a table full of strangers.  It was not fun at all and it made for a long boring night.

H and I were in the same wedding party of a friends wedding.  They had a huge head table with BMs on the one side GMs on the other.  So H and I (we weren't engaged or married yet) were on opposite ends of the table.  Even though we knew and were friends with the others around us it still made it irritating because H and I consider each other our best friends and the whole thing would have been more enjoyable if we were next to each other.

Just let your wedding party sit with their dates/SOs.  It doesn't matter if you know their dates/SOs or not.

kmmssg

And it isn't just for dinner.  The wedding party has already dedicated SEVERAL hours away from their date/SO/spouse to be in wedding photos and the wedding.  It is incredibly gracious to seat them together for dinner and should be done.

The head table ala Last Supper is an outdated idea in my book.  I'm a MOB and it came from generations before me.  Unfortunately, I am guilty of separating people at both of my weddings because I did what all brides before me did in the name of "this is how it is done."  That is one wedding custom I would love to see slink away.

Maggie0829

kmmssg said:

And it isn't just for dinner.  The wedding party has already dedicated SEVERAL hours away from their date/SO/spouse to be in wedding photos and the wedding.  It is incredibly gracious to seat them together for dinner and should be done.

The head table ala Last Supper is an outdated idea in my book.  I'm a MOB and it came from generations before me.  Unfortunately, I am guilty of separating people at both of my weddings because I did what all brides before me did in the name of "this is how it is done."  That is one wedding custom I would love to see slink away.

I am 100% with you on this.  I just think it is weird to sit at a long table and you are then relegated to only talking to those on either side of you.  Guess you just better hope you like those people, huh?

grumbledore

I have never been seated with my date at a wedding where I have been a MOH/BM, and I have always hated it. 

And that's the weddings where I was allowed to bring a date. For two of the weddings I was in, the bride straight-up told me, "I know you're in a relationship, but I need you to focus on me on my wedding day and not be distracted by your boyfriend, so you can't bring him."

Needless to say, I am not friends with either of those women anymore. 

One of my best friends did that to me.  We are not as close anymore.  It was rude and inconsiderate.  In fact, at that wedding, the wedding party was split up all over the room and I was at the furthest table from the B&G with mostly people I didn't know.  It sucked.  I left early.

shonsgirl

We are doing, as others suggest, a sweetheart table and our BMs/Groomsmen are sitting with their dates and/or people they are friends with at the wedding.  Ours is only an hour, because dancing is in another room, but even for that time, I want my friends to be comfortable.  They are spending so much time focusing on us BEFORE the wedding, and during the ceremony, that I want them to feel more like actual guests at the reception. 

ShannonEM

I had a U shaped head table with my bridal party and any dates/spouses of the bridal party.  Not everyone brought a date (although obviously they were all welcome to) but if they did, they sat together.  It was a lot of fun and I'm so glad we did this.  I know it was appreciated by people in our wedding and their dates.  

FiancB

I went to a wedding where FI was in the party and I was not and they had a head table. There were a lot of us girls in the same situation so we all sat together. It wasn't the end of the world and I got my FI back after dinner, but it still kind of sucked. They all knew each other well but being from a different area I didn't. They were nice and fun to hang with but I would've preferred being with FI. It was the same at the rehearsal dinner and there was also a really long gap so I was on my own for a really long time.

I think we'll be doing a sweetheart table. Or maybe a head table with just our parents, or with MOH/BM and their dates with other BP members and dates nearby. Something like that. I refuse to make dates sit alone knowing that they aren't all in the same social circle. 

MandyMost

I hate head tables. 

1. No one wants to sit in a big row and eat while people can look at you. Talk about uncomfortable. 

2. No one wants to sit next to other bridesmaids/groomsmen who you're probably totally fed up with at that point,

3. You can only talk to the one person on either side of you anyway. There's a reason why you don't sit at the bar when there's more than 2 people in a regular situation--because it's just plain stupid and awkward to sit in a big line. 

4. As others have said, people want to sit with their significant others. And significant others don't want to sit with a bunch of random strangers. 

I mean, really, why would you want something at your wedding that's really no fun for anyone involved? Don't you want positive energy at your reception, with everyone happy and satisfied? I know I do. 

shelyg89

Interesting. I've never even thought about sitting the wedding party with their dates. Only because I've never seen it done before. I'm rethinking this now! Wedding in less than 3 weeks. I feel like its too late to change the head table plans tho. We have a big wedding party as it is, and decorations and lighting are already planned for the # we have, which doesn't include dates!

Maggie0829

shelyg89 said:

Interesting. I've never even thought about sitting the wedding party with their dates. Only because I've never seen it done before. I'm rethinking this now! Wedding in less than 3 weeks. I feel like its too late to change the head table plans tho. We have a big wedding party as it is, and decorations and lighting are already planned for the # we have, which doesn't include dates!

It is never too late to change anything.  Do the right thing and sit your wedding party with their dates/SOs.

MobKaz

My daughter was one of the first to marry in her group.  She had her bridal party sit with their dates amongst the guest tables.  I would have thought having experienced the difference, her friends would go the same route when they married.  Four weddings later, and they have all stuck with the traditional wedding party table.  I don't get it.

Mkincaid2014

When my FI was the BM in a wedding several years ago, the couple did a massive head table with the wedding party only. When they did their table assignments, they forgot about me and later assigned me to an overflow table with the bride's handful of high school friends (who I had never met) instead of the two tables of mutual friends from college. It was horribly awkward, and my FI and I could not talk to each other from 2pm until about 9pm. The other dates were not happy either, but they were at least seated with people they knew. I would NEVER do this to the significant others of my friends. At another wedding, the couple had a lot of single friends, so their single friends sat with them at a regular round table and everyone else seated with their SOs. That also worked really well.