Moms and Maids

Asking Bridesmaids

2

Re: Asking Bridesmaids

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I don't think it's a matter of hardly knowing your BMs or not knowing them well. I think it's a matter of respecting that they may have situations that would lead them to say no that you're not aware of yet, for example, newly pregnant and due at the time of the wedding, financial difficulties they're keeping under wraps, etc.
  • Well, everyone is subject to their own opinions! As for me, I have no regrets with what I did, and I know they LOVED it! :) But, I can somewhat see where everyone else is coming, were it a different situation than mine.  My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years, and all of my friends have always talked about being in my wedding. It wasn't really me asking them, because they already knew they were going to be in the wedding and vice versa!
    wittetobe
  • I saw the bridesmaid "wire" hangers on etsy, but they were so expensive, around $30 a piece. I decided to make my own, and have probably spent less than $20 for 5 bridesmaid hangers, and 1 for my "bride" hanger.

    Know that it is a possibility that people could say "no". Remember, it is your wedding, and whether it is over the top, or super simple, just make sure that you are comfortable with it. It is you and your lover's day.

    Don't worry, there will always be a negative Nancy.
    LydiaJoy12wittetobetoniab06Matt&Amanda2014
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I saw the bridesmaid "wire" hangers on etsy, but they were so expensive, around $30 a piece. I decided to make my own, and have probably spent less than $20 for 5 bridesmaid hangers, and 1 for my "bride" hanger.

    Know that it is a possibility that people could say "no". Remember, it is your wedding, and whether it is over the top, or super simple, just make sure that you are comfortable with it. It is you and your lover's day.

    Don't worry, there will always be a negative Nancy.
    Sorry to have to tell you this, but as soon as you involve one other person in your wedding, in any capacity, it is not "you and your lover's day" anymore, but also belongs to everyone else involved.
    KeptInStitches
  • Whether you go to the trouble or not to be cute getting turned down would suck a little. I agree with the comment that follows below yours that the ones who do cute stuff probably already know the answer. One of my girls said possibly as long as she did not have another wedding scheduled, she is a photographer and I 110% understand. I think that unless girls are a total bridezilla and selfish they would understand if someone had another committment. Same goes with inviting people to the wedding people turn down invitations to go to weddings too. It happens and you adjust adapt and move on. Yes it sucks at the moment but you get over it. And I am sure it would suck having to turn down your friend but if you are true friends each party should understand. Who's to say they would not be able to make it to any showers or parties she is having that way they can still join in on some of the festivities.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I love how people just assume that everyone is going to say yes.  No matter if you've known someone your entire life or for just a few years you should never assume that they will say yes to being a BM. You never know what may be occurring in their life that will prevent them from being a BM.  So never assume and never do something so over the top that the people you are asking are feeling pressured into saying yes.

  • You know, I just kinda told my fiance's sister that she was going to be my MOH. And she said, "I was wondering when that was going to come up!" I think we both pretty much assumed it was going to happen, haha. 

    As for my bridesmaids, they're my sisters. The only one I really asked was a friend from church and it was just a straightforward, "Do you want to be my bridesmaid?" and she was really lovely about it. 

    The cute stuff is nice, I suppose, but it certainly isn't necessary. I'd rather save that for the Bridal Luncheon or something.
    [Deleted User]
  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    Emily104 said:
    How did you ask your bridesmaids?
    I've seen some cute ideas and haven't decided on one yet.
    As with most of what the the rest said on here, I vote for you to skip the cutesy. I simply asked each of my bridesmaids and MOH in person (they are all in town). I wanted them to know it is our friendships that are important to me. I think creating boxes or gifts is a little theatrical. Cards can be nice as long as it's not too imposing...

    If you want to get cute I think it would be more appropriate if/when you give thank you bridesmaids gifts.
    [Deleted User]
  • I made these!! All together it was like $20. My colors are Orange, Silver and, Yellow so made all the bridesmaids orange and inside yellow and Opposite colors for my maid of honor. I used scrapbook paper from Michaels, Along with Clearance ribbon. The little charms were on clearance too, they were on 50 cents! I got the rings from the dollar store in the kids section, girls dress up! All my girls absolutely LOVED the idea!
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    LydiaJoy12savannahcheshire
  • It is still the couple's wedding.
    laurakayliwittetobecarterdm0604
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It is still the couple's wedding.
    That doesn't excuse them from taking into account the feelings of anyone else they ask to be involved in any capacity.  To do that would be horribly rude.
    KeptInStitchessouthernbelle0915
  • From previous talks and converstations, I knew that my maid of honor and bridesmaids would say yes.  I got a little make up bag (from Hobby Lobby) that said bridesmaid/maid of honor and then inside I put a ringpop, nailpolish in my wedding colors, I made color swatchs from the colors and put their names and a sticker on each one, a note that said "plan with me, stand with me, laugh with me, cry with me... will you hold my dress while I pee?", and then I took a picture of a sign I was holding saying "Will you be my (insert role)?" then I put that in a frame and put all those in the bag and mailed it to them.  I did the same for my flower girls and put a little bracelet in and included a state postcard (I live in Texas and they both live in Colorado).  I skipped the while I pee note for them.  :)   They are 4 and 5 and were SOOO excited when they got their bags (oh yeah, for them I got a silver make up bag and used puff paint and put their initial on it).  They each drew a picture back that said "yes" and was all decorated.  It was so fun! 

    Nov182015
  • Well, Jen, it seems like you don't have anything positive to say about anyone's posts. So I'm just going to save my energy so you can stew in your negativity. Congrats! You win the blog posting war. Have a great day.
    LydiaJoy12Emily104wittetobecarterdm0604
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well, Jen, it seems like you don't have anything positive to say about anyone's posts. So I'm just going to save my energy so you can stew in your negativity. Congrats! You win the blog posting war. Have a great day.
    Oh, I have plenty of positive things to say about posts-when they make sense, are reasonable, practical, and show consideration for the feelings of others.  Yours in this thread don't.
    KeptInStitches
  • I made bridesmaid invitations that included a poem with their name at the top (I used the same poem for each person), a fun list of duties, a card that included everyone's name, and a "date to remember" card for their refrigerator.  I did everything on my computer so my only costs were the card stock, envelopes, and the postage.  Everyone LOVED them!
  • i went a little bit out of my way to have a heartfelt conversation with my sister (MOH), when i knew she was expecting me to pick  my best friend. it was a happy, emotional, fun chat and of course she was thrilled and said yes. with each BM i assumed they would say yes, and it was casual with each of them. altho now i'm getting the feeling that one is not that into it, and my assumption that she would want to be in my wedding may be making it hard for her to say she's not able or even interested (by the way she is so not involved so far). is there a way for me to put it out there to all of them, that if they 'can't' do it, they can let me know? i'd like to give her an out, you know?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    trice0903 said:
    I made bridesmaid invitations that included a poem with their name at the top (I used the same poem for each person), a fun list of duties, a card that included everyone's name, and a "date to remember" card for their refrigerator.  I did everything on my computer so my only costs were the card stock, envelopes, and the postage.  Everyone LOVED them!
    I am interested to know what was in the list of fun duties.

    southernbelle0915[Deleted User]buddysmom80SKPM
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    KRD2014 said:
    i went a little bit out of my way to have a heartfelt conversation with my sister (MOH), when i knew she was expecting me to pick  my best friend. it was a happy, emotional, fun chat and of course she was thrilled and said yes. with each BM i assumed they would say yes, and it was casual with each of them. altho now i'm getting the feeling that one is not that into it, and my assumption that she would want to be in my wedding may be making it hard for her to say she's not able or even interested (by the way she is so not involved so far). is there a way for me to put it out there to all of them, that if they 'can't' do it, they can let me know? i'd like to give her an out, you know?
    Just because she is not involved in your wedding planning does not mean that she doesn't want to be in your wedding.  Some women, believe it or not, hate wedding planning or just hate planning thins all together.

    If she doesn't want to be in your wedding anymore then she will tell you.  Leave it alone.

  • I gave my Bridesmaid and my Maid of Honor these cute necklaces that come with a card. The MOH was slightly different than  the BM's. They loved them! 
  • I found cute little cards on Etsy that said "it's my turn to pop the question" and inside read the name of the girl and "will you be my bridesmaid?" I also found small bottles of champagne to go with the cards and designed custom purse size notebooks on Shutterfly.  The front had a quote in our wedding colors and the date at the bottom.  
  • I asked my bridal party unofficially before I purchased gifts, but I'd prefer cute over simple any day!!! (me personally) I agree with a lot of the ladies here that everyone has been going Pintrest crazy BUT i don't see anything wrong with that as long as it is meaningful and there is a thought process behind it. So after they all agreed (& have already started helping me with my wedding plans).


    I went to Etsy and I found the cutest idea to officially ask my bridesmaids and maid of honor. I found wine labels with a cute message and I will be booking a private party at an art studio so that the girls and I can paint, relax, and mingle (so that everyone can meet each other). I will provide them with fruit, wine, and music (to keep with the theme of the wine as gifts). HOWEVER, In addition to the bottles of wine I will be making personal cards for each of the girls with a special message about our friendship and what it means to me to have them by my side. After that we will have dinner at a nearby restaurant.


    The way I see it, you guys will be spending a lot of time together over the next year or so and the “asking” can be a fun way to introduce the girls to one another and kick off the wedding festivities! Cute or simple I think you should make it meaningful and fun for your girls and yourself; even if you are limited by geographic locations you can always craft something and put it in the mail.

    Good Luck!!!

  • toniab06 said:

    I asked my bridal party unofficially before I purchased gifts, but I'd prefer cute over simple any day!!! (me personally) I agree with a lot of the ladies here that everyone has been going Pintrest crazy BUT i don't see anything wrong with that as long as it is meaningful and there is a thought process behind it. So after they all agreed (& have already started helping me with my wedding plans).


    I went to Etsy and I found the cutest idea to officially ask my bridesmaids and maid of honor. I found wine labels with a cute message and I will be booking a private party at an art studio so that the girls and I can paint, relax, and mingle (so that everyone can meet each other). I will provide them with fruit, wine, and music (to keep with the theme of the wine as gifts). HOWEVER, In addition to the bottles of wine I will be making personal cards for each of the girls with a special message about our friendship and what it means to me to have them by my side. After that we will have dinner at a nearby restaurant.


    The way I see it, you guys will be spending a lot of time together over the next year or so and the “asking” can be a fun way to introduce the girls to one another and kick off the wedding festivities! Cute or simple I think you should make it meaningful and fun for your girls and yourself; even if you are limited by geographic locations you can always craft something and put it in the mail.

    Good Luck!!!

    See, this is exactly the problem I have with 'cute.' You're even talking about 'officially' and 'unofficially' asking them. And you say you/they will be spending lots of time together... the only thing they really need to do together is walk in the wedding. It really sounds like you have entirely too many expectations of your bridesmaids and I would find it really annoying. I don't need to hang out with people when our only commonality is being friends with the bride. I don't have to be BFFs with them. For that matter, I don't even need to know them. I'm in my cousin's wedding in December and have met most of the other bridesmaids exactly once. I love weddings, but I wouldn't love being forced to act like I'm in some kind of sorority with the other women. I didn't like the idea in college, much less now that I'm a real adult with a full-time job.
    image
    KeptInStitchessouthernbelle0915buddysmom80
  • toniab06 said:

    I asked my bridal party unofficially before I purchased gifts, but I'd prefer cute over simple any day!!! (me personally) I agree with a lot of the ladies here that everyone has been going Pintrest crazy BUT i don't see anything wrong with that as long as it is meaningful and there is a thought process behind it. So after they all agreed (& have already started helping me with my wedding plans).


    I went to Etsy and I found the cutest idea to officially ask my bridesmaids and maid of honor. I found wine labels with a cute message and I will be booking a private party at an art studio so that the girls and I can paint, relax, and mingle (so that everyone can meet each other). I will provide them with fruit, wine, and music (to keep with the theme of the wine as gifts). HOWEVER, In addition to the bottles of wine I will be making personal cards for each of the girls with a special message about our friendship and what it means to me to have them by my side. After that we will have dinner at a nearby restaurant.


    The way I see it, you guys will be spending a lot of time together over the next year or so and the “asking” can be a fun way to introduce the girls to one another and kick off the wedding festivities! Cute or simple I think you should make it meaningful and fun for your girls and yourself; even if you are limited by geographic locations you can always craft something and put it in the mail.

    Good Luck!!!

    See, this is exactly the problem I have with 'cute.' You're even talking about 'officially' and 'unofficially' asking them. And you say you/they will be spending lots of time together... the only thing they really need to do together is walk in the wedding. It really sounds like you have entirely too many expectations of your bridesmaids and I would find it really annoying. I don't need to hang out with people when our only commonality is being friends with the bride. I don't have to be BFFs with them. For that matter, I don't even need to know them. I'm in my cousin's wedding in December and have met most of the other bridesmaids exactly once. I love weddings, but I wouldn't love being forced to act like I'm in some kind of sorority with the other women. I didn't like the idea in college, much less now that I'm a real adult with a full-time job.

    There are a number of events that are involved with the wedding process and some of those activities will exclude me. All of the girls in my bridal party are mature enough to handle being around each other with or without my presence. I also know that they are all excited to finally meet one another (some already know each other) and are interested in helping me out with the wedding plans; those that aren’t that’s fine also. They don’t have to attend things that aren’t necessary. However, I would expect my bridal party to attend events such as the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner, etc. Calm down, I will not be imposing sleep overs or anything of that sort! whatever they aren't comfortable in partaking in is fine with me.
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Just keep in mind that work schedules, illness, financial difficulties, etc. might keep them from attending your bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner as well.
    toniab06
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
  • I definitely lean towards the "cute" ideas but I see where your all coming from. My two sisters and two bestfriends are my bridesmaids and I printed out a wine label with the question, picked out a yummy moscato and gave it to each of them (actually little sister is only 19, so she got sparkling grape juice). I gave each one to them separately and had a nice visit. Of course every bride wants to assume their friends/family are going to say yes, but honestly if one of them had said no, I would not have held it against them and understood their circumstances whether I had just simply asked them or put it on a ginormous billboard.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    toniab06
  • All of the "I did something cute and my BMs LOVED it!!!" make me chuckle. Mainly because I equate this to a grandmother giving her grandkid a sweater or socks that are totally horrible and that (inside) the kid is like "omg, this is terrible! I'll get beat up for wearing something like this" but to the grandma they're like "thank you, grandma! I LOVE it!" Yes, there might be kids that actually like it, but whether they do or not, all the responses sound the same, so you never REALLY know.

    Same thing with "cute" stuff like this. What do you expect? That your closest friends are going to be like, "oh wow, that was completely unnecessary. I don't need a stupid monogrammed necklace or ring pop"? No. They're going to say, "thank you, how cute! I love it!" 
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    Maggie0829KeptInStitches[Deleted User]SKPM
  • My fiance and I asked all of our respective guys & gals when we took them all to bunch. we have 2 married couples & a single guy & a single gal. We refer to them as out "trifecta". I do not have a MOH per sea, so each are listed as MOH's on our website.


    toniab06[Deleted User]
  • Just keep in mind that work schedules, illness, financial difficulties, etc. might keep them from attending your bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner as well.
    Exactly. I will not be attending my cousin's bachelorette. She was the only one of my bridesmaids to be able to attend either of my bridal showers, due to the others living too far away. And it sounds as if you, @toniab06, are thinking they will plan parties together for you. They may, certainly. But maybe they won't. And you need to be okay with that possibility.
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    miaawallace
  • I gave each of my Bridesmaids a bottle of Wine and a Card. On the wine bottles i changed the labels to be a poem i got of of Pinterest for the front label, the back label was a picture of me an the bridesmaid. I made a card that said "i've got my guy, not i need my girls" and wrote a special note to each one. I put them in a gift bag with tissue paper and gave each woman hers individually. They all loved it.

    One was so excited she almost cried. The next day i got a text that so was so thankful and she love the wine bottle so much she took it to lunch that day to show her mom. I know three (out ofsix)  bridesmaids have the wine bottle displayed in their home.

    I was asked by a friend to be in her wedding with a card and a decorated box that had a ring pop in it. I loved getting the treat with the card that had a meaningful message written inside.

    toniab06
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