Where do you cut-off the plus-1's?

djbarman

I have an overwhelming large family (8 siblings on my Dad's side, 4 on my Mom's) and that's not even including my fiance's laundry list of aunts, uncles and cousins.  I have 24 cousins, most of whom are over the age of 16.  When do I cut-off the plus-1's for the 16-25 year old's significant others?  It's just beginning to add a LOT of baggage.....

OliveOilsMom

djbarman said:

I have an overwhelming large family (8 siblings on my Dad's side, 4 on my Mom's) and that's not even including my fiance's laundry list of aunts, uncles and cousins.  I have 24 cousins, most of whom are over the age of 16.  When do I cut-off the plus-1's for the 16-25 year old's significant others?  It's just beginning to add a LOT of baggage.....

Plus ones are only for truly single guests.  Anyone in a relationship and over the age of 18, should be invited with their significant other.  And the SO should be invited by name on your family members invite.  And if this happens to apply to you as well, anyone over the age of 18 and still living at home with thei parents need their own separate invitation.

doeydo

You don't have to allow plus ones for people that are single.  But, if anyone is in a relationship, they should be invited along with their significant other.  

manateehugger

djbarman said:

I have an overwhelming large family (8 siblings on my Dad's side, 4 on my Mom's) and that's not even including my fiance's laundry list of aunts, uncles and cousins.  I have 24 cousins, most of whom are over the age of 16.  When do I cut-off the plus-1's for the 16-25 year old's significant others?  It's just beginning to add a LOT of baggage.....

Sorry you're stuck dealing with large family issues. Here's the basics.

- Plus One = The courtesy extended to truly single guests that allows them to bring a date if they so wish - NOT the significant other of a guest.

Any adult in an established relationship (read, calling each other bf/gf without regard to length of relationship) must be invited with their partner.

I personally believe that any relative under the age of 18 does not need to be invited with their gf/bf, since that relative is still part of a social unit with his or her parents. For the under 18 folks, just handle it on a case-by-case basis so as not to trigger family drama. Over 18 folks, boyfriends and girlfriends need to be listed on the invite.

Dreamergirl8812

djbarman said:

I have an overwhelming large family (8 siblings on my Dad's side, 4 on my Mom's) and that's not even including my fiance's laundry list of aunts, uncles and cousins.  I have 24 cousins, most of whom are over the age of 16.  When do I cut-off the plus-1's for the 16-25 year old's significant others?  It's just beginning to add a LOT of baggage.....

Significant others and +1s are 2 entirely different things. If someone considers themselves in a relationship, you invite their significant others. Don't get at bridezilla judgeypants and decide whose relationships are worthy of your wedding.

The only thing that is debatable is the under 18 crowd. Some people don't think they get to bring SOs but then you right back into judgeypants territory.

+1s are for guests who are single. Truly, actually single. And it's totally acceptable to not give them +1s (but be aware that some of them may end up in a relationship a few months from now; plan accordingly).

And remember, these are your nearest and dearest. Their comfort should be your top priority. And their nearest and dearest are SOs, not baggage.


ETA:

KeptInStitches

You don't have to invite plus-ones for people that are single. If anyone says they are in a relationship, they should be invited along with their SO (and please do it by name - speaking as someone who's been on the receiving end, I'm damn sick of being an "and guest!").

HisGirlFriday13

Plus-ones aren't the same thing as significant others. Anyone who is an adult (i.e., over the age of 18 and therefore getting his or her own invitation) and who is in a relationship gets to bring his or her SO. 

Plus-ones are add-ons for truly single guests; i.e., people NOT in a relationship.

You should invite all adults with their SOs. You do not have to give plus-ones, or invite SOs, for people who aren't adults (kids who still live at home and are under 18; kids who still live at home but are OVER 18 do get their own invites). 

phira

We have big families, too, and a lot of single friends. Here's how we are handling it:

1) We made up our guest list, pretended that every person over the age of 18 (or who will be 18 by the time invites go out) was in a relationship, and counted. That is our maximum number of people.

2) We are only picking a venue and vendors who we can afford assuming that we have our maximum number of people.

3) When it's time to send invitations, we will double check to find out who is in a relationship. Any single guest (no relationship at all) will not receive a +1. Any guest over 18 who is in a relationship will be invited with their significant other.

Other folks have already explained the difference between a significant other and a +1, so I won't get into it.

Basically, we're not going to have our max number of guests because not everyone over 18 will be in a relationship. That plus the fact that not everyone will show up? We're hoping to come in under budget and upgrade some food options.