More opinions needed!

J9lawrence

The more closer I get to my wedding the more help I need!  I think I need an honest, unbiased opinion here.  I have to say that both my parents and my fiance's parents have been absolutely amazing when it has come to all things wedding.  No complaints, only love!  In my opinion, my fiance's grandmother has been a bit much for my taste.  She is really pushing some traditional ideas on me like having bride and groom's friends and family sit on opposite sides of the chapel, telling my guests to wear black tie attire, pushing a wedding registry, and telling me I am not doing enough to make my guests feel comfortable and I need to make my bridal party do more work. 

Now she feels like she needs to be recognized on the day of our wedding by having a toast said to her, a special dance for her and my fiance, to process down the aisle or being included in all of the family pictures.  I feel like I have been pretty open with including her in our wedding plans.  I have bought a gift to give her the morning of the wedding and she is coming to the saloon with me, my two MOH, my mom and my fiance's mom for hair, make-up and pedicures.  My question is, am I over reacting and pushing back for the sake of standing my ground or should I be doing more? 

jaime85120

Sounds to me like your doing fine. Unfortunately what can u say to a grandmother. The toast is a bit reaching. I would recommend trying to meet half way. For the dance maybe have her and his mom share during the father daughter mother son dance. As for the toast maybe give a little shout out by name during the thank you toast. Seating in the chapel reserve the first row for family and then open for the rest. One thing that works in my family is to put them at odds with each other I e. Mom not wanting to share mother son dance. Then they can work it out between themselves. Another thing would be to get a dominant family member to keep people in check. That's my two cents.

putting the fun in dysfunctional

spoon1984

That all sounds very over the top, I would definitely stand your ground you shouldn't have to do anything you're not keen on. As its your fiances family I think it should come from him and his parents.

ktbabe530

Stand your ground!  I think a toast to her and a second dance with her and your FI is a little much.  It's not her wedding, it's yours.  I would say do what you and your FI want and are comfortable with.  How does he feel about the dance with grandma and a toast to her?  I also agree that him or his parents should be the ones to talk to her.  Good luck!  

AllyIdo

I would stop talking about the wedding with her and just ignore her requests. But with a smile of course.

J9lawrence

Thanks for the advice ladies!  I just wasn't sure if my extreme anger was making me stand my ground too much.  My MIL has been amazing and everytime the grandmother puts on the guilt trip she will just say "it's not your wedding and it's not your decision".  My fiance has been really good but he is starting to wear down too as she guilts him more than me.

spoon1984

I really don't think she should be involved in anything, she's your guest. Just do what you want on the day!

KikiMira

I would stand your ground. Why would she need a toast and a dance? Thats really weird.

J9lawrence

I think it is a bit much!  Thanks for your thoughts!

vegasgroom

I'm with Allyldo; time to stop sharing as much with her or it will probably never end.  Any unsolicited advice I was given about our wedding I'd just say thanks and I'll give that some thought; although if I didn't like the idea then it didn't get any thought lol.  I don't like people trying to tell you what you should be doing unless you've asked them for their opinions on the matter.

annathy03

I also think the toast and dance are too much. Her being in the processional is pretty traditional and an easy compromise so I'd probably give on that (having her escorted down the aisle before mothers and then bridal party, then you). And of course get some photos that include her, but not all of them, that's crazy.

Your FI can always dance with her but not as a spotlight dance, just sometime during the reception while the floor is open. The toast is WAY too much IMHO.