Invitation RSVP timing and +1's...

soontobemrsbuccheri

We are currently working on our invitations.  Our guest list was at 180, but we had taken off a good number of people and is currently at 168.  Our venues minimum is 140 which shouldn't be an issue to meet.  We are just afraid of going over our minimum.  

Anyhow. Two of our groomsmen have said that they would like to have a +1.  The one groomsman, just broke up with his girlfriend of 2.5 years about 2 months ago.  The other just started dating someone about a month ago, but he has a horrible track record with girlfriends (in the time I've been with FI - 3 years - he's had about 8 girlfriends none of which lasted longer than 3 months). Every time we see these 2 groomsmen, they always state that they'd like a +1 on the invite.  I have been following etiquette with regards to adding a +1: if they have been dating more than 6 months the girlfriend/boyfriend is invited...anything under 6 months does not.  My FI and I had a discussion about this and I said that if we send out the invites w/out them having a +1 and we get more No's then we wanted, we can tell them they can bring someone...but I'm not going to have them have a +1 while not being with anyone (or being with someone for a short period of time) and just bringing whomever they feel like.  My FI didn't like that too much but understands my standpoint and has agreed to do it where there is no +1 but as No's come in they can have the +1.  Is this wrong or is it OK?

Another question is - RSVP timing.  Our wedding is March 15th and we need to have a final head count in 10 days prior - so for safety sake I want to give it to them by March 1st.  Originally I was going to send the invites out on Jan 2nd with a RSVP date of Feb 14th which would give us 2 weeks to track down RSVPs.  FI doesn't like that idea and thinks we should mail our invites out in December (before Christmas) and have an RSVP date of Feb 1st so we have about a month to track down RSVPs and tell "single" invites they can bring a date if the NO's are more than what we think it will be.  I know I've seen that RSVP's should be 4-6 weeks prior to the date.  I want to have the invites out and give people enough time to RSVP.  We did send STD's out to all those that we really want at the wedding (family/close friends) so they are aware of the date, etc.  Any tips on when I should send out the invites so we have time to track down RSVP's etc? 

Thanks in advance for any suggestions/tips/advise.  I appreciate it.

Maggie0829

In regards to your GM.  I think that plus one's should be extended to your wedding party no matter what.  They are taking time out of their lives and most likely money out of their wallets to be a part of your day.  The least you could do is allow them a plus one.  I feel that the wedding party is the exception to the typical plus one rule.

For your second issue.  Your RSVP date depends on when your venue needs their numbers. Some venues need them back a month before others need them back a week before so there is no set RSVP date.  I would only give yourself one week to track down any remaining RSVPs. That really should be more then enough time to call anyone who may not have RSVPd.  Your FI is crazy.  A month before is just too much.  So that means send out your invites at the 8 week mark, which would be January 18th and then have the RSVP date be February 22nd.  That will give you a week until you want to get your numbers to your venue.

southernbelle0915

soontobemrsbuccheri said:

We are currently working on our invitations.  Our guest list was at 180, but we had taken off a good number of people and is currently at 168.  Our venues minimum is 140 which shouldn't be an issue to meet.  We are just afraid of going over our minimum.  

Anyhow. Two of our groomsmen have said that they would like to have a +1.  The one groomsman, just broke up with his girlfriend of 2.5 years about 2 months ago.  The other just started dating someone about a month ago, but he has a horrible track record with girlfriends (in the time I've been with FI - 3 years - he's had about 8 girlfriends none of which lasted longer than 3 months). Every time we see these 2 groomsmen, they always state that they'd like a +1 on the invite.  I have been following etiquette with regards to adding a +1: if they have been dating more than 6 months the girlfriend/boyfriend is invited...anything under 6 months does not. Unfortunately, you got bad advice here. If someone considers themselves in a relationship, their SO gets invited. In other words, if they've been dating less than 6 months, but consider themselves in a relationship, they get invited together. If they are truly single, plus ones are at your discretion.  My FI and I had a discussion about this and I said that if we send out the invites w/out them having a +1 and we get more No's then we wanted, we can tell them they can bring someone...but I'm not going to have them have a +1 while not being with anyone (or being with someone for a short period of time) and just bringing whomever they feel like.  My FI didn't like that too much but understands my standpoint and has agreed to do it where there is no +1 but as No's come in they can have the +1.  Is this wrong or is it OK? It's nice to give the WP plus ones. It's only 2 extra people. If they're important enough to stand up and spend a bunch of money to be in the wedding and all they're asking for is a plus one, it'd be a really nice thing to do.

Another question is - RSVP timing.  Our wedding is March 15th and we need to have a final head count in 10 days prior - so for safety sake I want to give it to them by March 1st.  Originally I was going to send the invites out on Jan 2nd with a RSVP date of Feb 14th which would give us 2 weeks to track down RSVPs.  FI doesn't like that idea and thinks we should mail our invites out in December (before Christmas) This is WAY too early. and have an RSVP date of Feb 1st This is WAY too early. so we have about a month to track down RSVPs You will not need a month to do this. and tell "single" invites they can bring a date if the NO's are more than what we think it will be. This is not a good reason to go outside timing etiquette and make everyone else reply early. Plus you risk your invitation getting lost in the holiday card shuffle. I know I've seen that RSVP's should be 4-6 weeks prior to the date. Anything more than 4 weeks out is too much. I want to have the invites out and give people enough time to RSVP.  We did send STD's out to all those that we really want at the wedding (family/close friends) so they are aware of the date, etc.  Any tips on when I should send out the invites so we have time to track down RSVP's etc?  Invites get sent out 6-8 weeks in advance - not earlier. In your case, send your invites between Jan 15-Feb 1. RSVPs are requested about 2-3 weeks in advance. No more than 4 weeks. In your case, ask for RSVPs between Feb 15 (at the very earliest) - Mar 1.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions/tips/advise.  I appreciate it.

Since these people are part of your wedding party, I'd give them a plus one. They're your closest friends, they're standing up for you, and they're spending a bunch of money to be part of your day. Just give them a plus one. You planned to host 180 people and you're only inviting 168. These 2 extra people shouldn't pose a problem.