bridesmaids dresses

Cynthiajt1

My girls and I have just started looking at dresses and I have asked them each privately what was a comfortable amount for them to spend. I have had a couple of them tell me that they thought the bride paid for all of the dresses. I am not expected to buy their dresses, right?


*edited because I am dumb and can't use the right their!

daveANDkristen

Cynthiajt1 said:

My girls and I have just started looking at dresses and I have asked them each privately what was a comfortable amount for them to spend. I have had a couple of them tell me that they thought the bride paid for all of the dresses. I am not expected to buy their dresses, right? *edited because I am dumb and can't use the right their!

Some brides do, but it is far more common for BP members to pay for their own attire. 

mommapizano

I am sure someone will correct me if I am wrong but I don't think there is a rule that you have to pay for their dresses. Some brides do, but most weddings I have been in or my family members have been in each person was responsible for their own dress and shoes. 

I have always been under the impression that by accepting to be in a bridal party you are assuming some financial responsibility. If you can't commit to purchasing the attire, making the rehearsal and any related travel costs, you should not accept being in the bridal party. 

bethsmiles

I know some ladies on here have said they were paying for the BP's attire but I had never heard of that before the knot. You aren't required to pay for their dresses.

doeydo

No, you are not required to buy their dresses.  Usually, the BMs buy their own dresses and they can wear their own shoes and other accessories.  If you require them to wear specific shoes or jewelry then it would be nice for you to purchase it for them since it is not typically thought of as a 'mandatory expense' for BMs.  You were right to consult with each of them alone so you could find out their budgets.

loves2shop4shoes

No, BMs traditionally pay for their own attire.

In my wedding, my BMs purchased their own dresses and I paid for their shoes.

harper0813

No, you aren't required to buy their dresses.

APDSS22

The bride is not required to pay for the dress.  As we say on here, as a MOH/bridesmaid all that's required is to purchase the dress and show up on time and sober.

mommapizano

I should clarify my shoes comment. Typically, BMs pay for their shoes but if you require a specific shoe or jewelry, it would be nice for you to pay for it. 

I gave my BMs jewelry because I want them to match but their shoes I am letting them pick whatever they want so they will be comfortable and they are paying for that themselves. 

RebeccaB88

In my mom's family, it's tradition that the bride's family pays for the dresses, but I know we're kinda weird that way.  It's expected that the bridesmaid buys the dress, but that's all she's responsible for. When I bought my first bridesmaid's dress for a wedding I was in, my mother's gasp was enough to suck leaves off trees 10 miles away. It took me half an hour plus her calling some of her friends to understand that it really is acceptable for me to buy my dress, but she still refuses to believe it's proper etiquette.

Fran1985

Its very common for bridesmaid to each purchase their own dress- although I do have trouble understanding that. I feel very uncomfortable requiring my friends to buy a certain dress or color, but not offer to pay for it. 

HisGirlFriday13

I have never heard of brides buying the BMs attired until I got on TK. I've always understood it to be the BMs each pay for their own dresses.

That being said, in all of the weddings I've been in (five), I have never ONCE been asked for my budget prior to being told what dress I'd be buying and wearing. 

misssunshine17

You aren't required, but since they think you were going to, I would make the budget for them very low, since I feel like it seems like a concern. Modcloth has plenty of adorable dresses for less than $50. Unless you're paying, don't specify shoes (other than like black or nude) and don't require hair or makeup. 

WonderRed

BMs usually pay for their own attire.  If you want them all to wear specific accessories, shoes, or do their hair a certain way, you do need to pay for that.

phira

It would be nice of you to pay for the dresses, but it's not rude of you if you don't.

I second @misssunshine17 -- Modcloth is a great resource for super cute dresses that won't break the bank and that are very rewearable (unlike specifically designated bridesmaids dresses, like from David's Bridal).

LizM61409

I've been a BM twice and both times paid for my own dress. I wasn't asked for my budget but both of them were from David's Bridal so it's not like I was shelling out big bucks.

Cynthiajt1

I am going to buy their shoes. I want all of them in yellow heels and other then my sorority sisters, I am sure they will never wear them again. Budget permitting, I want to pay for their make up and hair. If I can't for what ever reason, it will be optional. I am going about this the right way, right? I can't tell what's normal anymore....there is to much me me me on these boards. Uggg. I am going to check out mod cloth

Salsera29

We have said many times that the only "duties" the BMs have are to buy the dress and show up relatively sober for the wedding. So no, you are definitely not required to buy their dresses.

I have been a BM 4 times and bought my own dress each time. 

ashleyep

OP, where do you live? I think the rules generally vary by country - I think in the UK it's pretty much standard for the bride to buy the dresses. That's not the case in the US, buying the dress is generally the only requirement the BMs have.

cmelliott

I've only ever heard of bridesmaids paying for their own attire, however because my bridesmaids have little money to spend and I couldn't think of a gift to give them, I let my gift be to them to buy their attire. However, fiance is not paying for groomsmen tuxes, that was just something I did for my bridesmaids. If you can't afford 300+ though, then I would just explain to them that bridesmaids pay for their own attire and if that's something they can't afford right now just let them decline.

misssunshine17

I would skip the yellow shoes and pay for their dresses. I think bright shoes look prom-y when worn as BM shoes. 

MandyMost

Cynthiajt1 said:

I am going to buy their shoes. I want all of them in yellow heels and other then my sorority sisters, I am sure they will never wear them again. Budget permitting, I want to pay for their make up and hair. If I can't for what ever reason, it will be optional. I am going about this the right way, right? I can't tell what's normal anymore....there is to much me me me on these boards. Uggg. I am going to check out mod cloth

Shoes can be a very tricky thing...I assume you want your bridesmaids to be comfortable, and up dancing a lot of the night. Forcing them into specific shoes may make them very physically uncomfortable, especially if they don't fit right, or they aren't used to wearing that type of shoe. Or a high heel. 

I was asked to wear a specific shoe as a bridesmaid, and I had to tell my friend the bride that I have wide feet and will need a shoe that's offered in a wide--which limits the shoe selection by like 95%. We'd been friends for years and I have a ton of crazy shoes so she had no idea....it really put a crimp in her plan!

(edited to say I wasn't just being picky about comfort, either. My foot LITERALLY doesn't fit into most non-wide shoes). 

Jen4948

No, you're not required to pay for their outfits-bridesmaids pay for their own outfits.  If you decide that they have to use a specific makeup or hair person, you would be required to pay for that.  But that's up to you.

mikencindy

Def Not! I think the bride would foot the bill if you have a particular gown that you want them all in. My bridesmaids paid for there own gowns and picked there own styles but they will all be in a matching color.