Chit Chat

2nd Baby shower? (sorry didn't know where to put this topic)

Majelin86Majelin86 member
100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
edited September 2013 in Chit Chat

So I received a Facebook invitation to a friend's baby shower...but it's her 2nd baby (and also it's a 'diaper shower' where all they wanted us to bring was diapers since she had another girl and they have tons of girl clothes). I was a little bit miffed and thought it was slightly rude to have a 2nd shower (don't people only have showers for the first baby?). I mean, if I got married again I wouldn't have another shower (no offence to people who do) because it would be like asking all the same people who got you gifts the first time around to get you another one. Also, my fiancé and I are not having children, so I will be buying her children gifts until they're who knows how old for birthdays and Christmas while they will not have to buy us anything else (besides a wedding gift, I think). And I don't want this to sound like I'm upset that I have to buy presents for her kids because I buy them birthday presents willingly, they don't ask us to, we're just always invited to the parties. I just feel like having a 2nd baby shower is a bit of overkill when they already have everything they need from the first baby.

Any thoughts?

 

Edited - spelling

Re: 2nd Baby shower? (sorry didn't know where to put this topic)

  • Assuming the children are close together in age and the same gender, I do side-eye second showers. I would not be offended if the second baby was several years later and the parents had given/sold their baby stuff away. I also am not offended by showers for a different gender; for example, I attended one this year for a third baby, but it was the couple's first girl.

    And I am always offended by people throwing their own showers, which I can't tell from your post if that's the case. And by showers where they specify a gift, like diapers. Diaper showers in particular feel like you're asking me to buy your groceries.
    image
  • I'd side eye the shit out of someone throwing their own baby shower. Even worse- it's for a 2nd baby.
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2013
    Eh I wouldn't side-eye a diaper shower.  Since, you know, presumably they used and disposed of the original diapers.

    Now, if the kids are relatively close in age, I would think it was a little weird if there was a registry with a bunch of stuff that should hold over from one baby to the next.  That's just greedy and wasteful.  

    All of that said, I'm usually always happy to buy a gift for a new baby - a new baby is something to celebrate and those tiny clothes are irresistible so...  

    ETA:  I'd absolutely judge someone for throwing their own shower, not sure if that is what happened here though.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'd side eye the shit out of someone throwing their own baby shower. Even worse- it's for a 2nd baby.
    This exactly!  A girl I work with told me her friend had boy triplets 2 years ago and is pregnant again (with a little girl) and wants another shower.  People just bought you TRIPLE of everything 2 years ago.  I think it's ballsy to ask people to buy you even more baby stuff.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • edited September 2013
    I'd side eye the shit out of someone throwing their own baby shower. Even worse- it's for a 2nd baby.
    This exactly!  A girl I work with told me her friend had boy triplets 2 years ago and is pregnant again (with a little girl) and wants another shower.  People just bought you TRIPLE of everything 2 years ago.  I think it's ballsy to ask people to buy you even more baby stuff.

    ETA: I feel like a diaper shower would be like me telling you I need food to fill my new fridge.  It's simply shit I can buy myself.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I always side-eye a second baby shower. I don't care how close (or far apart) the kids are in age or what genders they are. I've complained about this and had people say, "Well what if the first kid was a girl and the second was a boy?!?!" Ummm...then you buy your own shit. No one "deserves" a shower or to have people buy crap for their kids.

    Showers in general kind of irk me and there are SO many things that can be done incorrectly. When planning an event for the sole purpose of giving gifts, people need to be SUPER careful about how they go about it.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Decline the invitation.

    If you are irked that just because you made the choice to not have children but feel that you have to buy her kids that she and her H have presumably made the choice to have, then just don't buy them presents.  I really can't believe that you are pissed because you won't get anymore presents from her after your wedding because of a choice you have decided to make.

    I am not a huge fan of showers.  Yes, I had a bridal shower but I made it clear that I wanted it super small and super laid back.  I mainly just wanted to hang out with my closest friends and family members for a few hours.  I just feel like some showers scream "buy me shit because I don't want to buy it myself" and I just can't stand that.

  • Going through the pregnancy thing now, I can tell you that bridal showers and baby showers are percieved very differently.

    Baby showers often fall under the "every child deserves a shower and deserves to be welcomed" category by super sappy emotional types.

    Many women now host their own baby showers because "no one else will do it for me and I need stuff" *insert whine here*

    It's sad, but many women feel entitled.

     

    Personally, I think it's tacky as hell, and I will decline any second shower or self-hosted shower.

  • Decline the invitation.

    If you are irked that just because you made the choice to not have children but feel that you have to buy her kids that she and her H have presumably made the choice to have, then just don't buy them presents.  I really can't believe that you are pissed because you won't get anymore presents from her after your wedding because of a choice you have decided to make.

    I am not a huge fan of showers.  Yes, I had a bridal shower but I made it clear that I wanted it super small and super laid back.  I mainly just wanted to hang out with my closest friends and family members for a few hours.  I just feel like some showers scream "buy me shit because I don't want to buy it myself" and I just can't stand that.
     
    (Stuck in the box). That's not the reason I'm upset. I just think it's a little greedy of them to have another shower when they're having another girl (so they already have all of the girl stuff) and the kids are only 3yrs apart. And a diaper shower? So that we can buy all of your diapers for the next year so that you don't have to spend that money?
    I'm not upset that I 'have' to buy her children presents for the next however long (I enjoy shopping for them and don't mind spending the money), it's just that since I will be buying her children gifts for awhile she shouldn't ask for more gifts at a 2nd, unnecessary, shower. All I'm saying is she won't have to spend any money on me (besides the wedding gift, if they choose) so I feel like I shouldn't have to spend extra money on another shower gift.
     I also always get the couple a gift for the baby when they're born too .
     
    I decided not to go to the shower anyway.
  • I always side-eye a second baby shower. I don't care how close (or far apart) the kids are in age or what genders they are. I've complained about this and had people say, "Well what if the first kid was a girl and the second was a boy?!?!" Ummm...then you buy your own shit. No one "deserves" a shower or to have people buy crap for their kids.

    Showers in general kind of irk me and there are SO many things that can be done incorrectly. When planning an event for the sole purpose of giving gifts, people need to be SUPER careful about how they go about it.

    I laughed out loud when I read the bolded.

    I always side eye second baby showers no matter what sex the baby is. So what if it's a girl and your first was a boy? Your girl can't wear blue? You need everyone you know to spend their money on a bunch of pink shit that the kid will grow out of in 6 months? No. You don't. You really don't. Babies don't care if they're wearing an old t-shirt sewn shut at the bottom with hole for the legs. What they really need is money in their college fund.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • I personally think it's ridiculous to have a 2nd baby shower. Agreed... if the children are really far apart (perhaps and oops) then maybe. But if they are within 8 years of eachother absolutely not. That just seems greedy. I had posted about a honeymoon registry for my bridal shower and saw different points of view that it would be rude because its like asking for money. I now get that. It seems like this is the same. Buy me diapers. Really? um no. especially if this kid was planned. If you can't afford it, you shouldn't have tried to have another one. Assuming people will buy you more shit is silly. I feel like a first baby shower is totally appropriate to help new parents "get on their feet" and have plenty of extra things in case the new parents may not have though of something, but by the second one, you know the ropes. I would decline the invitation.
  • ^ just realized my grammar and spelling are pretty bad. oops!
  • I don't mind 2nd baby showers, but my family likes any excuse to get together and eat. 

    Throwing your own and dictating presents, however, are out of line.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • itzMS said:

    Going through the pregnancy thing now, I can tell you that bridal showers and baby showers are percieved very differently.

    Baby showers often fall under the "every child deserves a shower and deserves to be welcomed" category by super sappy emotional types.

    Many women now host their own baby showers because "no one else will do it for me and I need stuff" *insert whine here*

    It's sad, but many women feel entitled.

     

    Personally, I think it's tacky as hell, and I will decline any second shower or self-hosted shower.

    Actually that's not true. Baby showers are to welcome the woman into motherhood as bridal showers welcome the woman into marriage. The reason it's rude to have a 2nd baby shower is because you were already a mother and have already been welcomed.
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • itzMS said:

    Going through the pregnancy thing now, I can tell you that bridal showers and baby showers are percieved very differently.

    Baby showers often fall under the "every child deserves a shower and deserves to be welcomed" category by super sappy emotional types.

    Many women now host their own baby showers because "no one else will do it for me and I need stuff" *insert whine here*

    It's sad, but many women feel entitled.

     

    Personally, I think it's tacky as hell, and I will decline any second shower or self-hosted shower.

    Actually that's not true. Baby showers are to welcome the woman into motherhood as bridal showers welcome the woman into marriage. The reason it's rude to have a 2nd baby shower is because you were already a mother and have already been welcomed.
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers

  • itzMS said:

    Going through the pregnancy thing now, I can tell you that bridal showers and baby showers are percieved very differently.

    Baby showers often fall under the "every child deserves a shower and deserves to be welcomed" category by super sappy emotional types.

    Many women now host their own baby showers because "no one else will do it for me and I need stuff" *insert whine here*

    It's sad, but many women feel entitled.

     

    Personally, I think it's tacky as hell, and I will decline any second shower or self-hosted shower.

    Actually that's not true. Baby showers are to welcome the woman into motherhood as bridal showers welcome the woman into marriage. The reason it's rude to have a 2nd baby shower is because you were already a mother and have already been welcomed.
    That's not necessarily true either.   In some parts of the country your accounting is what the purpose is.  In others, it is to celebrate the arrival of a new child.  In the circles I run in, and generally in this part of the country, it is pretty standard to  welcome every child in with a shower  or "sprinkle," depending on how long it has been since the previous child.  

    I have zero problem with any party for a new baby so long as the mother isn't hosting her own.
  • itzMS said:

    Going through the pregnancy thing now, I can tell you that bridal showers and baby showers are percieved very differently.

    Baby showers often fall under the "every child deserves a shower and deserves to be welcomed" category by super sappy emotional types.

    Many women now host their own baby showers because "no one else will do it for me and I need stuff" *insert whine here*

    It's sad, but many women feel entitled.

     

    Personally, I think it's tacky as hell, and I will decline any second shower or self-hosted shower.

    Actually that's not true. Baby showers are to welcome the woman into motherhood as bridal showers welcome the woman into marriage. The reason it's rude to have a 2nd baby shower is because you were already a mother and have already been welcomed.

    I wasn't saying I agreed with that perspective. It's how I have seen many people justify a second, third, fourth baby shower. "But this is a different child! He/she deserves his/her own welcome and special stuff"

    It's not my style. I'm not even having a first baby shower :-)

  • I'm more forgiving of baby showers, I guess.  Most of us didn't need wedding showers at this point, and we had a perfectly acceptable household set up already even if it was handmedowns or cheap furniture.  I just feel like you're very unlikely to already have sleepers and diapers sitting around, so it's nice to both shower the mother with a little pampering and help set the couple up for a new addition.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards