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Customs and Traditions

What is the most untraditional

Re: What is the most untraditional

  • FI called his father today and told him that his father and mother are allowed to attend the ceremony only, and if they show up at the reception, they'll be arrested for trespassing. I'd say that's pretty untraditional. 
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    melbelleupxxrynnexx
  • Really the only thing traditional about ours is the ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner & dancing format.  We'll also cut the cake and do a first dance but that's it. 

    Most non traditional will be our actual ceremony.  One of our very good, long time friends who is a Navajo shaman asked to perform our ceremony for us and we very gladly and gratefully accepted his offer.  (Not an actual Navajo ceremony, that's not permitted.)  He is also doing all of our ceremony music on a native flute.  I have no idea what I'll be walking down the aisle too because he's preparing a special song for the processional.    The more common non-traditional things for us:  I'm not wearing white or traditional diamonds or pearl wedding jewelry, we are not having any attendants, DS will walk down the aisle with me instead of my father,  we aren't doing bouquet or garter tosses, no parent dances.


  • We didn't have an officiant. We declared ourselves married.
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  • Probably the fact we're having a 10 guest wedding at my parent's house followed by a nice lunch. Then a month later my parent's are throwing a party in honor of our marriage.

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  • We had a traditional Quaker ceremony that appeared pretty unusual to non-Quakers: we walked down the aisle together, married ourselves, and had silent worship where guests could share their thoughts. But like I said, that actually IS traditional. 

    Nontraditional stuff? I work a hot pink wedding dress. We didn't do a grand entrance, toasts, parent dances or the bouquet toss. I made my own wedding  cake and did the music with Spotify.
    melbelleupkatieg520
  • emmyg65 said:
    We had a traditional Quaker ceremony that appeared pretty unusual to non-Quakers: we walked down the aisle together, married ourselves, and had silent worship where guests could share their thoughts. But like I said, that actually IS traditional
    This is an excellent point. Our friend/celebrant would agree with this and be quick point out that the things he'll be doing for our ceremony have been done for 40,000 years in many of the native cultures so calling them non-traditional is incorrect.  It's just not what most white, christian Americans are used to seeing.

  • FI called his father today and told him that his father and mother are allowed to attend the ceremony only, and if they show up at the reception, they'll be arrested for trespassing. I'd say that's pretty untraditional. 
    WTF?!?!
    I'm curious about this too.  If the parents have done something so horrible that they won't be allowed to the reception, why are they allowed at the ceremony?  It's pretty damn rude to invite someone to the ceremony but not the reception, I'm interested in the reasoning on this one.  
    melbelleupdoeydothejucheidea
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Ours is actually going to be fairly traditional. I'm not doing a father/daughter dance, and while we'll be doing a bouqet and garter toss, FI is not going up my dress to get it.
    Our decor is steampunk ish so, i suppose we're traditional with non-traditional style.
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    Anniversary
    WildMagelet





  • FI called his father today and told him that his father and mother are allowed to attend the ceremony only, and if they show up at the reception, they'll be arrested for trespassing. I'd say that's pretty untraditional. 

    WTF?!?!

    I'm curious about this too.  If the parents have done something so horrible that they won't be allowed to the reception, why are they allowed at the ceremony?  It's pretty damn rude to invite someone to the ceremony but not the reception, I'm interested in the reasoning on this one.  

    The wedding is in a church, so we can't technically deny them entry. They weren't technically invited, but have been threatening to crash.

    It's a very long story that involves the police, arrest warrants, threats of physical violence, a would-be intervention, and very, very bad decisions.

    Essentially, FI's father knows FI's sister is wanted on arrest warrants for drugs charges so he called the police and told them she'd be at the wedding (not true) and they could arrest her there.

    Then FI's father told him he was going to attend the wedding, bringing the uninvited sister, so 'the family' could stage an intervention for her drug use at the reception.

    Sorry, but no.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    melbelleup
  • Again -- we didn't invite them. We can't bar them from the church. We can bar then from the reception.

    It's a really fucked up situation, and it's horrible, but we made the best decision we could given the situation.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Again -- we didn't invite them. We can't bar them from the church. We can bar then from the reception. It's a really fucked up situation, and it's horrible, but we made the best decision we could given the situation.
    You can't prevent access to the church but you can from the reception. That makes sense.

    Sorry to be all over your shit.



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    grumbledorePolarBearFitz
  • Again -- we didn't invite them. We can't bar them from the church. We can bar then from the reception. It's a really fucked up situation, and it's horrible, but we made the best decision we could given the situation.
    You can't prevent access to the church but you can from the reception. That makes sense.

    Sorry to be all over your shit.
    No, it's a fair question. If we had INVITED them and were inviting them to ceremony-only, that would be rude. But we didn't invite them. We can't stop them from attending, but we can protect our other guests from their violent tendencies (which is why they weren't invited) by hiring security guards and having them barred from the reception.

    Suffice it to say, "Calling your friend the district attorney to call in a favour to make sure police don't arrest your FI's sister and parents at your wedding and also to physically escort them off the premises if they show up at the reception" is NOT on TK's check list!

    It's just been really stressful and horrible and I feel so badly for FI and there's nothing I can really do. I'm probably a little sensitive about the situation. 
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    melbelleupAprilH81PolarBearFitz
  • Only thing nontraditional at my wedding will be a first look.. if I can convince FI into it. But right now it's looking more like he's willing to do it.
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  • FI called his father today and told him that his father and mother are allowed to attend the ceremony only, and if they show up at the reception, they'll be arrested for trespassing. I'd say that's pretty untraditional. 
    WTF?!?!
    I'm curious about this too.  If the parents have done something so horrible that they won't be allowed to the reception, why are they allowed at the ceremony?  It's pretty damn rude to invite someone to the ceremony but not the reception, I'm interested in the reasoning on this one.  
    The wedding is in a church, so we can't technically deny them entry. They weren't technically invited, but have been threatening to crash. It's a very long story that involves the police, arrest warrants, threats of physical violence, a would-be intervention, and very, very bad decisions. Essentially, FI's father knows FI's sister is wanted on arrest warrants for drugs charges so he called the police and told them she'd be at the wedding (not true) and they could arrest her there. Then FI's father told him he was going to attend the wedding, bringing the uninvited sister, so 'the family' could stage an intervention for her drug use at the reception. Sorry, but no.
    Yeah, wow. That is all kinds of crazy, sorry you've had to deal with that.  And wtf thinks a wedding is an appropriate time for an intervention.  That is just.. man. Your logic totally makes sense now.  Especially since you haven't officially invited them.  

    I hope they keep their distance and don't start any drama at your wedding.  
    HisGirlFriday13
  • @layalsaurus -- Thanks. The answer to "wtf thinks a wedding is an appropriate time for an intervention"...my FI's fucked-up, overgrown-child, denier of personal responsibility, born-again asshole* father, that's who.

    When FI told him, "We can't stop you from attending the ceremony, but there will be armed police officers there, and if you even TRY to attend the reception, you will be arrested," he said, "You sound stressed. You need to offer this up to God."

    Well, let me think about *WHY* we might be stressed...

    *Disclaimer: I do not think all born-again Christians are assholes. I don't think MOST born-again Christians are assholes. FI's father "found Jesus" while in AA and now uses his "born again purity" to tell all the rest of us why we're sinners destined to go to hell unless we repent of our sinful, evil ways and give our lives over to Christ through public adult baptism and personal accountability with his pastor. FI and I are Catholic; we have God in our lives and don't really need to be preached to.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    For our area, it's untraditional: we're having Buddhist vows.

    WonderRed
  • Hmm, I think the only "traditional" stuff we're not doing is bride's and groom's sides during the ceremony, and the garter toss. Everything else will be pretty traditional.
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  • I guess I'll participate since I started the thread.

    We're having a friend officiate, though I'm not sure if that qualifies as untraditional anymore. Otherwise, we're not doing the garter/bouquet toss; I'm having bridesmen in addition to bridesmaids; and the mascot for the college/law school I attended will be walking me down the aisle in place of my dad.

    thejucheidea
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I guess I'll participate since I started the thread.

    We're having a friend officiate, though I'm not sure if that qualifies as untraditional anymore. Otherwise, we're not doing the garter/bouquet toss; I'm having bridesmen in addition to bridesmaids; and the mascot for the college/law school I attended will be walking me down the aisle in place of my dad.

    I'm doing most of these things too! I'm having bridesmen (including my transman bff who is my man of honor) and my fiance is having groomswomen. A friend who we met at a protest is officiating, and we're not doing the garter/bouquet thing.

  • edited October 2013
    We didn't do a garter/bouquet toss, didn't cut cake (it was actually angel food cake), his aunt officiated us, no father/daughter or son/mother dances either. Basically we had a beautiful ceremony, ate a delicious dinner and hit the dance floor! It was great.

    ETA:We also stayed together the night before in our hotel room.



  • NerdyLucyNerdyLucy member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2013

    We live together, so we'll be seeing each other before the ceremoney for sure. We'll probably drive to the venue together.

     

    I'm wearing a dark green wrap dress, not a white gown/dress.

    No garter, so no garter toss.

    I don't plan on throwing a bouquet.

    We don't plan on cutting the cake and feeding each other.

    We don't plan on doing a couple's dance (first dance), etc.

    No veil.

     

    ETA:  No Wedding party either.

     

    Basically, we're getting married, and then we're going to have dinner, mingle, maybe dance.   It's a smaller ceremoney, 60 people total, family mostly.

    Officially hitched as of 10/25/13

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  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ours was pretty traditional. But we did do a first look and our WP was very uneven, 6 and 12.
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  • Mainly traditional: Church ceremony and Reception...the untraditional part was that it took place at a Catholic church and my husband is not Catholic so we only had a ceremony (no body of Christ)

  • FI called his father today and told him that his father and mother are allowed to attend the ceremony only, and if they show up at the reception, they'll be arrested for trespassing. I'd say that's pretty untraditional. 
    WTF?!?!
    I'm curious about this too.  If the parents have done something so horrible that they won't be allowed to the reception, why are they allowed at the ceremony?  It's pretty damn rude to invite someone to the ceremony but not the reception, I'm interested in the reasoning on this one.  
    The wedding is in a church, so we can't technically deny them entry. They weren't technically invited, but have been threatening to crash. It's a very long story that involves the police, arrest warrants, threats of physical violence, a would-be intervention, and very, very bad decisions. Essentially, FI's father knows FI's sister is wanted on arrest warrants for drugs charges so he called the police and told them she'd be at the wedding (not true) and they could arrest her there. Then FI's father told him he was going to attend the wedding, bringing the uninvited sister, so 'the family' could stage an intervention for her drug use at the reception. Sorry, but no.
    Yeah, wow. That is all kinds of crazy, sorry you've had to deal with that.  And wtf thinks a wedding is an appropriate time for an intervention.  That is just.. man. Your logic totally makes sense now.  Especially since you haven't officially invited them.  

    I hope they keep their distance and don't start any drama at your wedding.  
    HisGirl - I really hope everything goes perfect for your day & that they don't try to start anything. I am sorry you are going through this =( 

    layla - you'd be surprised what some families think is okay to do at functions that are deemed "family reunions". I have some uncles who are trying to use my wedding as the location of a family patching things up with a disowned adopted son. So yeah...there are people out there who will do things at a wedding that isn't appropriate. 

    Again HisGirl I am sorry you are going through this and I hope everything turns out with no drama and a beautiful day left in you & FI's minds =D 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I guess I'll participate since I started the thread.

    We're having a friend officiate, though I'm not sure if that qualifies as untraditional anymore. Otherwise, we're not doing the garter/bouquet toss; I'm having bridesmen in addition to bridesmaids; and the mascot for the college/law school I attended will be walking me down the aisle in place of my dad.


    Please don't let me Fiance see this I already let him have teh Purdue Train but he really wants Purdue Pete and the Loyola Wolf (our respective Colleges Mascots) in the recieving line and cocktail hour

    B

    jenniferurs
  • Ok After I saw that post I had t chime in on that point. But for ours non-traditional is my mother will not be invited yet her family will be long story as well. We are getting married on the Eve of the Summer Solstice and we have and are involved with a Pontiac Solstice car group. So our plan is a "Solstice" wedding, If we get the venue we are hoping for (they do not know if it will be available for our date until January for June 2015). We will have his car and a few of our friends cars pulled up out side with vinyl decales with names and dates for people to pose in instead of a photo booth.  And the Purdue Train instead of a limo. We are also very lucky that every vendor that we have is a close friend or connected to us in some way so that it is special.
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