*Repost* - Friend (officiant) is driving me crazy!

RaineH

Deleted

Dreamergirl8812

RaineH said:

I already posted this on the "wedding woes" thread, but it seems like this might be a better spot to post my rant.

One of my closest friends is also acting as my officiant and she's driving me crazy!! She's overstepped boundaries many times, has been combative, has blown me off and just in general makes me crazy every time I talk to her! I'm not sure if she thinks she can act like this because she thinks she is an integral part of the wedding, and it's her job to question me on every little thing or if she's just nuts (which is definitely a possibility). My wedding is 39 days away!

I was debating if I should let it go and hope for the best, or address it and get all the drama out of the way.  After heading the advice of a few people, I sent her an email last night expressing how I feel and then text her to tell her to please read it.  What does she do?  She calls me instead of reading her email (I didn't answer).  I'm so afraid she's not going to get it until a week before the wedding and everything will blow up in my face!  Ugh.

We've been friends since high school and I really do care about her, I just don't need any added stress.  She's the only person in this whole process who drives me crazy and I'm sick of it!!  Depending on how she responds to the email (if she ever reads it), I guess she'll either chill out, or I'll have to find a plan B.  =P

Thanks for letting me vent.  I apologize for the repost (though I gave a little more detail and an update here), I just needed to get that off my chest.

It was very immature of you to send her 2 passive communications and then ignore her phone call. What exactly is she doing wrong?

Why are you talking to her about your wedding? My friends don't know the details of my wedding and my officiant is only involved in designing the wording for the ceremony. Stop talking to her about the wedding.

RaineH

Maybe you misunderstood what I wrote.  She IS the officiant.  That's why I'm talking to her about the wedding.  And my communication was far from passive.  I emailed her to tell her exactly what I was feeling.  And then rather than letting her stumble upon the email, I very directly asked her to please check her emails as I had something important to tell her.  I chose not to answer her phone call because I knew she hadn't read the email!

luckystarz

My vote is to meet with her in person and talk it out, e-mails are a very passive aggressive way of communicating with someone and to me says you're scared to actually face it. She may have called to talk over the email with you, but by ignoring the call you shut down communication all together which is side eye worthy. 

RaineH

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate that you came from a sincere place. 

Unfortunately she lives out of state and meeting with her in person is not an option.  Also, the text she sent said she hadn't read the email yet.

She has a tendency to talk over me and get incredibly emotional every time we speak over the phone.  I wanted to get out everything I had to say without being interrupted and I wanted to give her the opportunity to do the same.  I really am not trying to be passive aggressive, I just want to be heard!

amaryann210

It's a total pet peeve of mine to have someone communicate important, emotional stuff via email- if we're friends, we need to handle that stuff as in person as possible, with a phone call being the last best option.  Also, if you send me an email, please don't text me to tell me you emailed me.  I've had friends do this and I don't understand it, regardless of your explanation that you didnt want her to be surprised by it.  I agree with PP's, you come across sounding passive aggressive and afraid to face her.  I understand your frustration, but please model responsible adult behavior and confront her directly, listening to her when she is emotional and finding a way to communicate with her so that you are both heard.  Or find a different officiant. 

AcrophobicPixie

I agree with the PP's. I'm in a group that has one vital rule that one can never violate: If you can't say it, don't type it. Typed words can be misconstrued, since emphasis could be missing, or misunderstood. If you have a problem with someone, either call them or hop on voip to discuss it, voice to voice (since most of us in the group are spread across the US). It's easier to hash out vocally, and no one is hiding behind their keyboard. In all honesty, your email could (and most likely will) cause more drama than a simple phone call explaining the situation to your friend. Better yet, if y'all could Skype, so you can see each other, maybe have some girly catch up time with a glass of wine, then ease into the issues that you're having. It might make her more receptive to your point of view if you don't just launch into the drama.