Feeling awkward about the daddy /daughter dance...is it ok to skip or come up with an alternative?

cherylsan

I will be married for the first (and only ) time at the age of 46. As an older bride paying for a lot of the expenses myself, I have no problem with throwing a lot of the traditions out the window and doing what feels appropriate and meaningful to me, but this one has me stumped. I'm not all that close to my father, and the idea of doing a daddy -daughter dance at our ages--he's almost 90 and recently is having more difficulty getting around and being balanced--seems awkward and pathetic. He also lives in another state and won't even come into town until a week or two before the wedding. My parents aren't involved in the planning or the activities, they seem pretty clueless about traditions,he might not even know about the dance or miss it if it's not done, they seem content to just show up and enjoy themselves. That's pretty much what I want to do too. I dread the dance for a number of reasons. Is there something else I could do instead to honor my father? Surely I'm not the only bride in this situation. I just don't know who to ask. It just dawned on me that I've never been to a wedding with a bride as old as I am. I am an athlete and am often told that I look much younger than my age (and I like to think that some brides half my age would love to have my figure), but...now and then I feel acutely aware that weddings are designed with 20 somethings in mind. Nothing wrong with that at all...I just feel out of place sometimes.

hutchsl

Do what you want for your wedding. I got married at 49 for the first time. Unfortunately my father had passed away years before. My mom is too old to travel. DHs dad had also passwed away years before. To honor our parents (who remained married until the death of their spouse) we had a picture of them on their wedding day on the table with the guest book. Our theme was like an old fashioned/antique dinner in the park as we got married outside befind his family's (Uncles) restaurant. So the "old fashioned" pictures fit in. This also did not highlight that our fathers had passed. Since your dad will be ther you could honnor your parents with a toast. A dance surely is not necessary and might be difficult for him at his age. Is he walking you down the aisle? Or saying that he (and your mother?) give you away? There are various ways to acknowledge and honor him without doing a dance. I have seen several weddings where the couple does a first dance and that is it for scheduled dances due to divorses and other family dynamics.

cherylsan

Thanks hutchsl. I like the idea of a toast. Being an older and independent bride (I've supported myself since my early 20s), a traditional walk down the aisle with my parents "giving" me away seems silly to me, so my plan is to have both of them walk me about halfway and then have others escort me (my son, my best friend, also I want to walk part of the way alone to symbolize what I've done myself and acknowledge the absence of friends and family who have passed on or couldn't travel the distance). I think my father can can handle that. Maybe I can play some music he likes and do the toast then. If I talk to him about the dance, he may insist on doing it, but partly because he's stubborn and he won't acknowledge that age and physical issues are catching up to him until something happens, like he falls and hurts himself.

eas1223

I also felt a little odd about the father-daughter dance because I'm an older bride, so we combined the father-daughter and mother-son dances and the 4 of us danced at the same time. We danced to Stevie Wonder's You Are the Sunshine of My Life so it wasn't a super sappy thing.

KayDeee

You can skip any "tradition" you want to skip.

wilson24019

Do what makes you feel comfortable.  My Dad does not dance and neither does my fiancé. 

orwhatuwill

I'm 32 and she is 40. We're not having any parents walk us down the aisle or do the dance. You're not alone in feeling a bit of awkwardness in relation to certain traditions.

Kbastis

Nothing wrong with skipping the dance. We are combining the mother/son and father/ daughter dances, into one dance. Do what makes sense for you. Maybe talk to him or your mom about what would make sense or be especially nice for them.

beenpugged

I will most likely skip the dance too. My elderly dad is not steady enough to walk me down the aisle. My older brother will do it, and then my dad will give me a hug at the end of the aisle. Our wedding will be small… family and a few friends for both of us. 

KRD2014

same here. fiance and i are both 40, my 2nd wedding. my dad and i joked about this ... he gave me away the first time and never took me back, so he can't give me away again. LOL .... he's actually a bit more reserved, has had some health problems, isn't as great on his feet, and is apparently shy (i have always known him to be a joker) now in his older age, and when i approached the subject he did not want to hurt my feelings by saying he'd rather not do any of that stuff unless I really wanted him to. i told him he's off the hook. i'll have my brother or to-be-step-son walk me down the aisle and we're skipping all of the dances, as well as the garter toss, money dance, bouquet toss, etc.