Etiquette

"[X] seats have been reserved in your honor"

I have a question about this.  On all the "black tie optional" threads, many people say it is rude to put this on your invitation because it implies that your guests don't know how to dress for a wedding.  Then why is it okay to put on an RSVP card, "[x] number of seats have been reserved in your honor"?  Isn't that implying that guests won't understand that the invitation is meant only for the specific people it was addressed to?  Isn't it sort of hitting them over the head with it?

I was thinking of this because I was just reading that long thread on the I&P board about adults only weddings.  Another question, which came up on that thread--if you put "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" on an rsvp card, people can't rsvp for kids who would need a seat, but what if they just assume it's okay to bring a baby that they will hold/put in their lap all night?  I am inviting several couples to my wedding who will have babies at that point and am concerned they may think it's okay to bring the baby because he/she wouldn't need its own seat.  How do I get across that babies cannot be accommodated without putting "adults only" anywhere?  I also wouldn't know how to bring it up in conversation, ("oh, btw, we are not allowing babies at the wedding...."?) without sounding really awkward. 

Re: "[X] seats have been reserved in your honor"

  • I have a question about this.  On all the "black tie optional" threads, many people say it is rude to put this on your invitation because it implies that your guests don't know how to dress for a wedding.  Then why is it okay to put on an RSVP card, "[x] number of seats have been reserved in your honor"?  Isn't that implying that guests won't understand that the invitation is meant only for the specific people it was addressed to?  Isn't it sort of hitting them over the head with it?

    I was thinking of this because I was just reading that long thread on the I&P board about adults only weddings.  Another question, which came up on that thread--if you put "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" on an rsvp card, people can't rsvp for kids who would need a seat, but what if they just assume it's okay to bring a baby that they will hold/put in their lap all night?  I am inviting several couples to my wedding who will have babies at that point and am concerned they may think it's okay to bring the baby because he/she wouldn't need its own seat.  How do I get across that babies cannot be accommodated without putting "adults only" anywhere?  I also wouldn't know how to bring it up in conversation, ("oh, btw, we are not allowing babies at the wedding...."?) without sounding really awkward. 
    I had an adults only wedding. I replied to the thread on I&P by suggesting something similar to what I wrote on my RSVP cards:

    "Name(s)______________________
    ___ # attending
    ___decline with regret"

    If someone replies for names other than those on the invite and/or numbers that don't make sense with who was invited, you can follow up.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2013
    It's okay to say __ seats have been reserved in your honor.  BUT don't be surprised if someone says well instead of H going, my baby is going to go in his place.  What you do is you just write Mr and Mrs Lastname on the invite and then if you're having inner envelopes write their first names: Wife & Husband. If they RSVP back saying Wife & Husband & kid you'll have to call them and explain that unfortunately you are not able to accommodate kid to the wedding and hopefully wife & you (or husband and you) can still attend.

    ETA: wording
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • edited September 2013
    I have a question about this.  On all the "black tie optional" threads, many people say it is rude to put this on your invitation because it implies that your guests don't know how to dress for a wedding.  Then why is it okay to put on an RSVP card, "[x] number of seats have been reserved in your honor"?  Isn't that implying that guests won't understand that the invitation is meant only for the specific people it was addressed to?  Isn't it sort of hitting them over the head with it?

    I was thinking of this because I was just reading that long thread on the I&P board about adults only weddings.  Another question, which came up on that thread--if you put "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" on an rsvp card, people can't rsvp for kids who would need a seat, but what if they just assume it's okay to bring a baby that they will hold/put in their lap all night?  I am inviting several couples to my wedding who will have babies at that point and am concerned they may think it's okay to bring the baby because he/she wouldn't need its own seat.  How do I get across that babies cannot be accommodated without putting "adults only" anywhere?  I also wouldn't know how to bring it up in conversation, ("oh, btw, we are not allowing babies at the wedding...."?) without sounding really awkward. 
    Thanks for reading through all the posts! I seriously appreciate that. These are good questions.

    I personally hate the "X Seats have been reserved in your honor", it's not against etiquette but I agree with you, I feel like it is from someone who is really making sure I better not bring my kids (if I had kids).

    My mother has been ordering wedding invitations for 30 years. She tells everyone to write simply _____ Number of Persons and a line for the names and to address the invitation to those invited only. If someone writes more people, give them a phone call. In my experience, it was effective. Declines wrote 0. A few people wrote in "will attend". Most things worked itself out.

    I have a lot of people with kids, most of them assumed their kids were not invited.

    FMIL was asked about whether one person's child was invited, she said no. They declined. 

    FI's friend asked if his kids were invited. We told him no, but we would make an exception for his infant since his wife is breastfeeding (His wife just had their 2nd baby). She thanked us but he's attending alone because she didn't feel the baby is appropriate for the wedding and didn't want to leave him with a sitter yet.

    We had one couple we weren't sure about whether they were planning to bring their kids too (they are oblivious) and in casual conversation FMIL asked the man's mother who was watching the kids that day.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    ashleyep
  • edited September 2013
    duplicate
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • It's definitely not rude.  It's clear.  Clear is good.  Clear takes the comfort of your guests into account by not making them guess.  If a guest brings an uninvited child (including babies), they are in the wrong.  At that point, it's really up to you to figure out how you want to handle it.

    Any guest who sees "Susan and Jim you are invited to the wedding of @CrazyCatLady3" and "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" and bring an extra guest without asking is incredibly rude. 

    Stating attire is rude because you can't tell people what to wear to your wedding (unless there is a dress code at the venue or the event is truly Black or White Tie).  It's not the same.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    melbelleupKeptInStitchesTeddiD34
  • I have a question about this.  On all the "black tie optional" threads, many people say it is rude to put this on your invitation because it implies that your guests don't know how to dress for a wedding.  Then why is it okay to put on an RSVP card, "[x] number of seats have been reserved in your honor"?  Isn't that implying that guests won't understand that the invitation is meant only for the specific people it was addressed to?  Isn't it sort of hitting them over the head with it?

    I was thinking of this because I was just reading that long thread on the I&P board about adults only weddings.  Another question, which came up on that thread--if you put "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" on an rsvp card, people can't rsvp for kids who would need a seat, but what if they just assume it's okay to bring a baby that they will hold/put in their lap all night?  I am inviting several couples to my wedding who will have babies at that point and am concerned they may think it's okay to bring the baby because he/she wouldn't need its own seat.  How do I get across that babies cannot be accommodated without putting "adults only" anywhere?  I also wouldn't know how to bring it up in conversation, ("oh, btw, we are not allowing babies at the wedding...."?) without sounding really awkward. 
    Thanks for reading through all the posts! I seriously appreciate that. These are good questions.

    I personally hate the X Seats have been reserve
    Yeah, to me it sounds like a school teacher giving directions to her kids.
  • It's definitely not rude.  It's clear.  Clear is good.  Clear takes the comfort of your guests into account by not making them guess.  If a guest brings an uninvited child (including babies), they are in the wrong.  At that point, it's really up to you to figure out how you want to handle it.

    Any guest who sees "Susan and Jim you are invited to the wedding of @CrazyCatLady3" and "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" and bring an extra guest without asking is incredibly rude. 

    Stating attire is rude because you can't tell people what to wear to your wedding (unless there is a dress code at the venue or the event is truly Black or White Tie).  It's not the same.
    Thanks for the reply.  I am just really trying to head off people showing up with babies in the first place.  It's not something I will have time to deal with on my wedding day.  Also, our venue is very small so squeezing uninvited babies in at the tables will affect other guests' comfort.  I don't think people will show up with uninvited kids who would need seats, but they might think it's ok to show up with a baby in a baby bjorn wrapped around them.
  • I have a question about this.  On all the "black tie optional" threads, many people say it is rude to put this on your invitation because it implies that your guests don't know how to dress for a wedding.  Then why is it okay to put on an RSVP card, "[x] number of seats have been reserved in your honor"?  Isn't that implying that guests won't understand that the invitation is meant only for the specific people it was addressed to?  Isn't it sort of hitting them over the head with it?

    I was thinking of this because I was just reading that long thread on the I&P board about adults only weddings.  Another question, which came up on that thread--if you put "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" on an rsvp card, people can't rsvp for kids who would need a seat, but what if they just assume it's okay to bring a baby that they will hold/put in their lap all night?  I am inviting several couples to my wedding who will have babies at that point and am concerned they may think it's okay to bring the baby because he/she wouldn't need its own seat.  How do I get across that babies cannot be accommodated without putting "adults only" anywhere?  I also wouldn't know how to bring it up in conversation, ("oh, btw, we are not allowing babies at the wedding...."?) without sounding really awkward. 
    Thanks for reading through all the posts! I seriously appreciate that. These are good questions.

    I personally hate the "X Seats have been reserved in your honor", it's not against etiquette but I agree with you, I feel like it is from someone who is really making sure I better not bring my kids (if I had kids).

    My mother has been ordering wedding invitations for 30 years. She tells everyone to write simply _____ Number of Persons and a line for the names and to address the invitation to those invited only. If someone writes more people, give them a phone call. In my experience, it was effective. Declines wrote 0. A few people wrote in "will attend". Most things worked itself out.

    I have a lot of people with kids, most of them assumed their kids were not invited.

    FMIL was asked about whether one person's child was invited, she said no. They declined. 

    FI's friend asked if his kids were invited. We told him no, but we would make an exception for his infant since his wife is breastfeeding (His wife just had their 2nd baby). She thanked us but he's attending alone because she didn't feel the baby is appropriate for the wedding and didn't want to leave him with a sitter yet.

    We had one couple we weren't sure about whether they were planning to bring their kids too (they are oblivious) and in casual conversation FMIL asked the man's mother who was watching the kids that day.
    This may be a good idea.  I can ask the couples casually, "are you all set finding a babysitter?" or something along those lines.
  • I'll agree with @MuppetOverlord in that I don't like the language - it sounds stilted to me - but if you are having an adults only wedding and are concerned about your crowd getting the hint, it works.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I think overall, I think people "get it" without having to do anything special and it's easier to deal with the people who don't when they RSVP.

    With this wedding and my previous wedding and feedback from friends that I've helped, it seems like a lot of the questions work itself out amongst the family before it reaches the RSVP or us. Grandmothers talk to their siblings and find out the whole scoop without talking to anyone else easily!

    There's of course going to be cases where you just have rude/oblivious people who are going to do what they are going to do and there's probably nothing you can do about it, short of a careful phone call as I suggested previously or not sending an invitation.

    If someone does show up with a kid, you definitely won't have to deal with it on your wedding day. You'll be too happy getting married to notice.

     

    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • We did do the _ of _ will be attending. We mostly did this because we know a lot of people would try and bring extra people or assume the invite is for the whole household. We wanted to be clear.

    We aren't having a kids free wedding but we are having a limited guest list/small wedding. The only kids are my nephew and FI's younger brothers. 
    melbelleup
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