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Wedding Etiquette Forum
CrazyCatLady3
member
"[X] seats have been reserved in your honor"
I have a question about this. On all the "black tie optional" threads, many people say it is rude to put this on your invitation because it implies that your guests don't know how to dress for a wedding. Then why is it okay to put on an RSVP card, "[x] number of seats have been reserved in your honor"? Isn't that implying that guests won't understand that the invitation is meant only for the specific people it was addressed to? Isn't it sort of hitting them over the head with it?
I was thinking of this because I was just reading that long thread on the I&P board about adults only weddings. Another question, which came up on that thread--if you put "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" on an rsvp card, people can't rsvp for kids who would need a seat, but what if they just assume it's okay to bring a baby that they will hold/put in their lap all night? I am inviting several couples to my wedding who will have babies at that point and am concerned they may think it's okay to bring the baby because he/she wouldn't need its own seat. How do I get across that babies cannot be accommodated without putting "adults only" anywhere? I also wouldn't know how to bring it up in conversation, ("oh, btw, we are not allowing babies at the wedding...."?) without sounding really awkward.
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Re: "[X] seats have been reserved in your honor"
ETA: wording
I personally hate the "X Seats have been reserved in your honor", it's not against etiquette but I agree with you, I feel like it is from someone who is really making sure I better not bring my kids (if I had kids).
My mother has been ordering wedding invitations for 30 years. She tells everyone to write simply _____ Number of Persons and a line for the names and to address the invitation to those invited only. If someone writes more people, give them a phone call. In my experience, it was effective. Declines wrote 0. A few people wrote in "will attend". Most things worked itself out.
I have a lot of people with kids, most of them assumed their kids were not invited.
FMIL was asked about whether one person's child was invited, she said no. They declined.
FI's friend asked if his kids were invited. We told him no, but we would make an exception for his infant since his wife is breastfeeding (His wife just had their 2nd baby). She thanked us but he's attending alone because she didn't feel the baby is appropriate for the wedding and didn't want to leave him with a sitter yet.
We had one couple we weren't sure about whether they were planning to bring their kids too (they are oblivious) and in casual conversation FMIL asked the man's mother who was watching the kids that day.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
I think overall, I think people "get it" without having to do anything special and it's easier to deal with the people who don't when they RSVP.
With this wedding and my previous wedding and feedback from friends that I've helped, it seems like a lot of the questions work itself out amongst the family before it reaches the RSVP or us. Grandmothers talk to their siblings and find out the whole scoop without talking to anyone else easily!
There's of course going to be cases where you just have rude/oblivious people who are going to do what they are going to do and there's probably nothing you can do about it, short of a careful phone call as I suggested previously or not sending an invitation.
If someone does show up with a kid, you definitely won't have to deal with it on your wedding day. You'll be too happy getting married to notice.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.