I can feel I am about to lose it!

kcnolan21

My mother who is paying for my wedding has asked me to do things I wouldn't generally agree to,  since she is paying, I have kept quiet, when I really wanted to scream "NOOOO". 

Until today!

Background,  we are having a small wedding party (Bride, Groom, MOH (niece), BM (FI's son) )   My mother wanted a program, I thought it was silly and squashed it.  Until, my mother thought instead of giving everyone a program, we would hand out single roses to all the women that attend.  Thinking this was a waste of money as the roses will be left all over the venue, I said, fine I will do the program.  I listed my FI parents and my grandparents on the program under a "We remember..." Section.  It's small and on the back cover -  not really that noticable. 

NOW, my mom  wants the Officiate to annouce the deceased at the start of the wedding ceremony...and if I didn't think that was bad enough, she wants my Sister-in-laws mother (she died last year)  who would come to family functions because she had no one else (my sister in law's father died when she was little and they had no other family)  Me and my sister in law tolerate each other for the most part.... Lets just say she is not my favorite person.  And she has made some VERY rude comments to me over the past months, that I have swept under the rug! 

I think the tears might flow today!   Someone please tell me that I am right and Names mentioned at the wedding is morbid, AND that even though my mom is footing the bill, I don't need to agree to this!  ACK!!!!!!!!!

 

msdds51

If you explain your feelings toward it, do you think she'll understand and let it go?  If not, do you think you could convince her that it's a bad decision and that she's the one who decided it's a bad decision.  Like mention how dumb it is offhand and how it would take the spotlight off her or something.

mc4dj13

Announcing the names detracts from the reason you are all there in the first place. Memorials at a wedding are touch-and-go anyways. Mentioning them in the program is more than appropriate. I would take the program over the officiant announcing them during the ceremony. 

PirateBarbie

maybe you should suggest that she also pay for an ice sculpture carved in the likeness of the deceased people on on the program - sort of like a Mount Rushmore of your dead realtives, in ice.

You could have it wheeled down the aisle prior to the ceremony (you'll need a theme song for this, which should be listed in the program) and then it can be parked next to your Officiant after the announcement, and stay with them throughout the ceremony. Park it next to the cake table to discourage guests from trying to swipe icing before you cut the cake.

J9lawrence

I agree, the focus of the ceremony should be on your marriage!  Tell your mom how you feel.  If she doesn't agree, maybe you could do something smaller at the reception?  I know there is the whole "those who pay have a say" but you shouldn't have to do something that makes you feel this uncomfortable.

Lauderdale Pink

PirateBarbie, thanks for the humor!  Good way to take off the stress.  Honestly, though, can't the bride just speak with the officiant?  There ceremony is for the bride and groom and the discussion of wording should come from the happy couple.