HELP!!!! STB Mother-in-Law

PrettyGirlLost

jenniferurs said:

laylasaurus said:

Sorry, but having a few random people you've never met isn't going to ruin your pretty princess day.  It will however, make your guests more comfortable and likely have more fun, if they get to have their SO with them.

Depends who it is, I guess. I've had a few friends from college tell me to invite them singularly so that they can enjoy a solo night away from their SO with their old college friends.

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

But etiquette doesn't work like that. . .the strokes are the same for everyone. You should invite your friends and their SOs, and then they can figure out who will be attending or not amongst themselves. But at least you'd appear to be a proper and gracious host, KWIM?

jenniferurs

PrettyGirlLost said:

jenniferurs said:

laylasaurus said:

Sorry, but having a few random people you've never met isn't going to ruin your pretty princess day.  It will however, make your guests more comfortable and likely have more fun, if they get to have their SO with them.

Depends who it is, I guess. I've had a few friends from college tell me to invite them singularly so that they can enjoy a solo night away from their SO with their old college friends.

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

But etiquette doesn't work like that. . .the strokes are the same for everyone. You should invite your friends and their SOs, and then they can figure out who will be attending or not amongst themselves. But at least you'd appear to be a proper and gracious host, KWIM?

I definitely see what you're saying. The plan was to give plus ones to anyone that was in a relationship, anyone that would be traveling from out of town, and anyone who wouldn't know anyone else there, save for the bride and/or groom. That said, if a guest tells me to invite them solo, I'm not going to cause drama for them by inviting their SO, thereby putting them in the position of having to turn around and tell their SO they don't want them there. I'm fine with being the scapegoat if it means my friend has a better time.

laylasaurus

Having someone specifically tell you not to invite their SO is not the same as just making that decision on your own.

laylasaurus

And if a friend told me not to invite their SO, I'd still put the name on the invitation.  I'm not going to be rude for someone else.  They are free to tell their SO they would like to go alone.  There is nothing wrong with that.  That is their problem, not mine.  If they need to blame it on me, rather than having a frank discussion with their SO, then I would question their maturity level as far as being in a serious relationship. I had an ex tell me he would prefer to go alone to a wedding once when we were dating.  I was fine with it, because he was right that I wouldn't know anyone there and these were really old friends of his that he wanted to have as much time to catch up with as possible without feeling like he was dragging me along bored out of my mind, which I probably would have been.  I'm not exactly a social butterfly.  It wasn't an issue.  

daveANDkristen

jenniferurs said:

Sorry, but having a few random people you've never met isn't going to ruin your pretty princess day.  It will however, make your guests more comfortable and likely have more fun, if they get to have their SO with them.

Depends who it is, I guess. I've had a few friends from college tell me to invite them singularly so that they can enjoy a solo night away from their SO with their old college friends. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

But etiquette doesn't work like that. . .the strokes are the same for everyone. You should invite your friends and their SOs, and then they can figure out who will be attending or not amongst themselves. But at least you'd appear to be a proper and gracious host, KWIM?

I definitely see what you're saying. The plan was to give plus ones to anyone that was in a relationship, anyone that would be traveling from out of town, and anyone who wouldn't know anyone else there, save for the bride and/or groom. That said, if a guest tells me to invite them solo, I'm not going to cause drama for them by inviting their SO, thereby putting them in the position of having to turn around and tell their SO they don't want them there. I'm fine with being the scapegoat if it means my friend has a better time.

That doesn't even make sense.  If your friend is in a relationship with someone who she hopes will not even be invited to a social function with her so she can have a night away from him, she needs the fuck out of that relationship. 

But fine.  If someone specifically says that it will create drama for them if their SO is invited, feel free to leave that SO off.  For your sane guests, invite their SOs.

ndb703

Before anyone else leaves another reply ridiculing me about the way I feel or act let's get a couple things straight. When my Fiancé was over in Afghanistan I moved in with his parents and brothers while the parents were in the divorce process. I brought order and chaos to the house, fed all the boys, and cleaned the house because fmil refused to do anything, maybe that's why ffil got custody iof their youngest. The woman left me in walmart stranded because she was mad I was buying food the boys needed, I had to wait for an hour for someone to come pick me up. The woman called the police on me because with dad's permission I took her 16 year old son to dinner just so he could get away from the chaos at the house. Apparently I kidnapped him. And not to mention she stole 6k from my FI while he was overseas. Secondly, my FI is not inviting any family from his mothers side. He does not like them and that is quite frankly his decision. Thirdly, yes everyone is staying in the lodge because it is included in the venue and my FI and I are paying for it. That way we don't have to worry about people's arrangements. Thirdly, this is a small wedding, I am inviting only my family, and all my family understands, we are all close and the ones I'm inviting have no +1 except my brother who has already expressed he doesn't want to bring a girl he is happy with his daughter being his date. As far as his family goes the only ones with a +1 would be his brothers who we think are too young to have someone stay the night with them and they are definitely too immature and we as well as their father do not think they are ready to bring a girl. His father has expressed he does not want to add someone. And the only ones left are his battles which we are letting a few bring a plus one but my FI wants just his battles there and they understand I mean they spent 11 months together just the guys and he wants it that way. Everything I am doing we have already discussed with people so we do not have that problem of people getting bored. Everyone will have someone, even if it is just a friend.

aurorajanette

If you both have such a problem with his mother, and you both don't get along with her or care to repair the relationship, then you don't have to invite her. My FMIL was verbally and physically abusive to her kids, and she is not invited to our wedding. She has had ample opportunity to make things right, and instead chooses to alienate her children even more. She knows we are getting married, but does not know the date or location. This is something that my FI is very adamant about, as we both want to be surrounded by people who we love and who support us. 

This of course would need to be you fiance's decision, not yours, but it is an option if he wants it that way. And really, it's his mother, so if he wants her there, he should be able to come up with a decision about where she should sit.

HOWEVER, you did come on to an etiquette forum and told us that you were not inviting people with their SO's. That is completely different from plus one's, which is what you seem to be talking about above. It's fine to not invite people who are not in relationship with a plus one. It is not right to invite people in relationships without their SO... even if you've spoken with them about it first. They may not feel comfortable telling you that they felt slighted, but I guarantee some of them did.

southernbelle0915

ndb703 said:

Before anyone else leaves another reply ridiculing me about the way I feel or act let's get a couple things straight. When my Fiancé was over in Afghanistan I moved in with his parents and brothers while the parents were in the divorce process. I brought order and chaos to the house, fed all the boys, and cleaned the house because fmil refused to do anything, maybe that's why ffil got custody iof their youngest. The woman left me in walmart stranded because she was mad I was buying food the boys needed, I had to wait for an hour for someone to come pick me up. The woman called the police on me because with dad's permission I took her 16 year old son to dinner just so he could get away from the chaos at the house. Apparently I kidnapped him. And not to mention she stole 6k from my FI while he was overseas. This woman sounds like a total nutjob.   Secondly, my FI is not inviting any family from his mothers side. He does not like them and that is quite frankly his decision. Thirdly, yes everyone is staying in the lodge because it is included in the venue and my FI and I are paying for it. That way we don't have to worry about people's arrangements. Thirdly, this is a small wedding, I am inviting only my family, and all my family understands, we are all close and the ones I'm inviting have no +1 except my brother who has already expressed he doesn't want to bring a girl he is happy with his daughter being his date. As far as his family goes the only ones with a +1 would be his brothers who we think are too young to have someone stay the night with them and they are definitely too immature and we as well as their father do not think they are ready to bring a girl. If either of them are 18 or over, they are adults and etiquette applies if they're in a relationship. If they're not seeing anyone, no plus one is needed. His father has expressed he does not want to add someone. And the only ones left are his battles which we are letting a few bring a plus one but my FI wants just his battles there and they understand I mean they spent 11 months together just the guys and he wants it that way. I assume a "battle" is a friend from the military? If so, and any of these friends are in a relationship, etiquette is that their SO is invited. They can choose on their own whether or not to bring their SO, but the SO needs to be invited. If your FI wanted "boys only" time, he can invite them out for a guys' night. It's considered against etiquette to invite someone without their SO. Everything I am doing we have already discussed with people so we do not have that problem of people getting bored. Everyone will have someone, even if it is just a friend.

As far as seating her, if what you say is true and none of her family are invited/coming, I'd put her at a table in the corner with as few people as possible. Perhaps she can sit with the battles since they're probably fiercely loyal to your FH and will ignore any shit talking she tries to provoke. 

Swazzle

If she has done these horrible things to you and stole from your FI, then why does he even want her there?

ndb703

If she has done these horrible things to you and stole from your FI, then why does he even want her there?

Because he doesn't want to regret anything when he is older. He honestly doesn't want her to be there but he feels obligated. But to be quite honest, even if we didn't invite her she would still find her way in that building.

Xstatic3333

ndb703 said:

Swazzle said:

If she has done these horrible things to you and stole from your FI, then why does he even want her there?

Because he doesn't want to regret anything when he is older. He honestly doesn't want her to be there but he feels obligated. But to be quite honest, even if we didn't invite her she would still find her way in that building.

I get it. That's his call to make. I still think the easiest solution would be to have her bring a friend. If she is the only single person offered a plus-one I don't think it would ruffle any feathers. Plus, if she's talking to a friend your FI and his family may get more space.

FriendlyGhost1012

  People may  have a set budget that they need to sick to.  If people ask my fiancee or I if they can bring a date, we usually say yes because some people have declined.  It's not a big deal!  Who wants pictures of random people in their wedding photos?  What if one of these +1s catches the bouquet/garter?  That would suck.  Imagine explaining the photos to our future kids.  "Mom, who caught your bouquet when on your wedding day?" "Some random girl your dad's friend from work had been dating for a month.  They broke up the next week."  Not cool.

aurorajanette

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

  People may  have a set budget that they need to sick to.  If people ask my fiancee or I if they can bring a date, we usually say yes because some people have declined.  It's not a big deal!  Who wants pictures of random people in their wedding photos?  What if one of these +1s catches the bouquet/garter?  That would suck.  Imagine explaining the photos to our future kids.  "Mom, who caught your bouquet when on your wedding day?" "Some random girl your dad's friend from work had been dating for a month.  They broke up the next week."  Not cool.

First of all, if you really don't want a picture of someone's date in your photos, there is a thing called a trashcan. Second of all, who cares who catches the bouquet? Are you going to personally go around and hand-pick every person that will participate in the bouquet toss in order to avoid that? Sounds "not cool" to me.

How do you know that that girl who your SO's co-worker is dating isn't going to be his future wife? There was a time when you and your SO had only dated for a month. Don't be so quick to pass judgement on the relationships of others.

crunchymamaof2

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

  People may  have a set budget that they need to sick to.  If people ask my fiancee or I if they can bring a date, we usually say yes because some people have declined.  It's not a big deal!  Who wants pictures of random people in their wedding photos?  What if one of these +1s catches the bouquet/garter?  That would suck.  Imagine explaining the photos to our future kids.  "Mom, who caught your bouquet when on your wedding day?" "Some random girl your dad's friend from work had been dating for a month.  They broke up the next week."  Not cool.

Are you a fucking psychic? This was one of the worst posts I've ever come across. Seriously, who knows if you'll even remember who got the stupid bouquet, regardless of who it was. And like @AuroraJanette said, that random girl could have become his wife. Plus the entire post is a contradiction. First you say "it's no big deal" to let someone bring a date if they ask. Then you go on to talk about how much that date might ruin your speshul day. What??? Besides, as everyone here as said multiple times, plus ones aren't necessary. They're nice, but not necessary. But if one of your friends is dating someone (regardless of how long. If they introduce the person as their boyfriend/girlfriend or as the person they're seeing, they become a social unit) then that person MUST be invited as well. If that friend is single, then no, they don't have to be allowed a date.

I wish people (in general) would actually read the responses before making asses out of themselves. Take the time to read and you may learn a thing or two. Though I know everyone is just soooooooooooo mean how could they possibly give good advice. The horror.

laylasaurus

All of this ^.  Being worried a stranger might catch the bouquet, there's a new one.  Pretty Princess Day indeed.  

allispain

acove2006 said:

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

  People may  have a set budget that they need to sick to.  If people ask my fiancee or I if they can bring a date, we usually say yes because some people have declined.  It's not a big deal!  Who wants pictures of random people in their wedding photos?  What if one of these +1s catches the bouquet/garter?  That would suck.  Imagine explaining the photos to our future kids.  "Mom, who caught your bouquet when on your wedding day?" "Some random girl your dad's friend from work had been dating for a month.  They broke up the next week."  Not cool.

Are you a fucking psychic? This was one of the worst posts I've ever come across. Seriously, who knows if you'll even remember who got the stupid bouquet, regardless of who it was. And like @AuroraJanette said, that random girl could have become his wife. Plus the entire post is a contradiction. First you say "it's no big deal" to let someone bring a date if they ask. Then you go on to talk about how much that date might ruin your speshul day. What??? Besides, as everyone here as said multiple times, plus ones aren't necessary. They're nice, but not necessary. But if one of your friends is dating someone (regardless of how long. If they introduce the person as their boyfriend/girlfriend or as the person they're seeing, they become a social unit) then that person MUST be invited as well. If that friend is single, then no, they don't have to be allowed a date.

I wish people (in general) would actually read the responses before making asses out of themselves. Take the time to read and you may learn a thing or two. Though I know everyone is just soooooooooooo mean how could they possibly give good advice. The horror.

I read this post. Rolled my eyes. Debated responding to it. Then decided that hadn't made enough sense for me to even know where to start.

Also, I would like to go on record to say that I have never asked my mom who caught the bouquet at her wedding. Ever. Nor had I ever even given it a thought until just now. And you know what? I still have no interest in knowing. It's not like it made a difference in my parents' marriage. Or in my childhood. Or, you know, in anything except maybe some photos from their wedding.

APDSS22

My mom told me she hadn't even looked at the wedding album since she put it up.  We looked through it. Still not sure who grabbed the bouquet.  I only know who caught mine because 1. it was only 2 weeks ago and 2. it was my sister who had just finished telling me she'd stand there but unless it hit her in the face she wouldn't catch it.  Apparently I have really good aim backwards...

FriendlyGhost1012

Am I a fucking psychic?  No.  Sounds like you're a psycho.  Take your meds and relax.  Last I check, poeple are entitled to their opinions.  Just because I won't be thrilled if someone's SO catches the bouquet or garter doesn't mean I'll throw a hissy fit.  You girls need to chill.  There are poeple out there who *gasp* disagree with you.  The horrow!!  Get a life beyond the Knot.  

KeptInStitches

@KnotPorscha, TOS reminder?

[Deleted User]

@KeptInStiches, thank you. 

@KateFlynnMcFadden YGPM

PrettyGirlLost

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

  People may  have a set budget that they need to sick to.  If people ask my fiancee or I if they can bring a date, we usually say yes because some people have declined.  It's not a big deal!  Who wants pictures of random people in their wedding photos?  What if one of these +1s catches the bouquet/garter?  That would suck.  Imagine explaining the photos to our future kids.  "Mom, who caught your bouquet when on your wedding day?" "Some random girl your dad's friend from work had been dating for a month.  They broke up the next week."  Not cool.

This is a joke, right?  This entire post is satirical. . . right?  You cannot be serious?

Dreamergirl8812

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

Am I a fucking psychic?  No.  Sounds like you're a psycho.  Take your meds and relax.  Last I check, poeple are entitled to their opinions.  Just because I won't be thrilled if someone's SO catches the bouquet or garter doesn't mean I'll throw a hissy fit.  You girls need to chill.  There are poeple out there who *gasp* disagree with you.  The horrow!!  Get a life beyond the Knot.  

Newb meltdown of the day.

crunchymamaof2

Dreamergirl8812 said:

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

Am I a fucking psychic?  No.  Sounds like you're a psycho.  Take your meds and relax.  Last I check, poeple are entitled to their opinions.  Just because I won't be thrilled if someone's SO catches the bouquet or garter doesn't mean I'll throw a hissy fit.  You girls need to chill.  There are poeple out there who *gasp* disagree with you.  The horrow!!  Get a life beyond the Knot.  

Newb meltdown of the day.

Apparently I got my first warning for causing that meltdown. Love the gif!

Dreamergirl8812

acove2006 said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

Am I a fucking psychic?  No.  Sounds like you're a psycho.  Take your meds and relax.  Last I check, poeple are entitled to their opinions.  Just because I won't be thrilled if someone's SO catches the bouquet or garter doesn't mean I'll throw a hissy fit.  You girls need to chill.  There are poeple out there who *gasp* disagree with you.  The horrow!!  Get a life beyond the Knot.  

Newb meltdown of the day.

Apparently I got my first warning for causing that meltdown. Love the gif!

What the fuck?! How was that a personal attack?

The first warning is always so disappointing.

Dreamergirl8812

laylasaurus said:

All of this ^.  Being worried a stranger might catch the bouquet, there's a new one.  Pretty Princess Day indeed.  

Did @laylasaurus get a warning for being too rational?