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November 2013 Weddings

Invited guest complaints

So when my fiancé and I put together our guest list we agreed if they were single that they would not be given a guest only couples if they were in a serious relationship, living together, engaged, and married,

One of my friends texted me asking why she wasn't given a guest. I explained that we didn't have the budget and to invite who we wanted. I thought she understood. Then 2-3 days later I get a message from her stating she didn't like that she wasn't allowed to bring a guest. I didn't respond but I really wanted to say if it was that big of a deal then don't come!

Just needed to get this off my chest.
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Re: Invited guest complaints

  • That's pretty rude/annoying! Extending a guest invite is polite but by no means required by etiquette. It's smart that you all are planning within your budget opposed to over extending yourselves.

    I would probably ignore it or just respond that you are unable to accommodate additional guests and you hope she can still make it.
  • dramamonkeydramamonkey member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    edited September 2013
    So when my fiancé and I put together our guest list we agreed if they were single that they would not be given a guest only couples if they were in a serious relationship, living together, engaged, and married, One of my friends texted me asking why she wasn't given a guest. I explained that we didn't have the budget and to invite who we wanted. I thought she understood. Then 2-3 days later I get a message from her stating she didn't like that she wasn't allowed to bring a guest. I didn't respond but I really wanted to say if it was that big of a deal then don't come! Just needed to get this off my chest.
    To be honest, it's not for you to judge the "seriousness" of someone's relationship - you should invite anyone who considers themselves in a relationship, regardless of length or involvement. (this is the etiquette answer)

    For truly single guests, adding a plus one is up to you. 

    I am not sure which category this person falls into, but thought it was worth mentioning. 

    I invited a truly single friend, sans guest. She asked me, and I simply said "no, I'm sorry, but I can't really accommodate extra guests" 

    BUT if it looks like we're going to have a significant number of declines, I may offer her a guest down the road. 
  • mommapizanomommapizano member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    @dramamonkey you make a great point. I assumed the friend is truly single and should have clarified. If someone is in a relationship and you are aware of it, they should get an invite for their SO even if you don't think they are "serious"

    If you didn't know before you sent invited and they let you know they are in a relationship, you should extend the invite
  • Thank you for the input. My friend is truly single. She said nothing about a significant other when she asked about the guest. And it's not like she was the only one not given a guest. Even some of the bridal party who are single we're not given guests.
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  • If she were able to actually tell you who her guest would be, that would be one thing.  The fact that she can't do that puts the rudeness squarely on her.   I quickly added a +1 for my niece when I found out she'd been seeing someone for four months and apologized to her for not knowing about him at the time the invites went out.  I don't know the guy from Adam, but it was the right thing to do.  However, I don't want anyone just randomly finding some guy (or girl) just for the sake of having a date and bringing them to such a personal event. 

    I think you did the right thing by just ignoring the second request.  You told her no. She needs to drop it.
  • As someone who was single for a very long time, we made sure to give a plus one for everyone we invited.  As a single person, there was only one time that I brought someone just to bring someone.  But it was an out of town wedding and I ONLY knew the groom, so I brought a friend who lived in the city the wedding was in.  I have found that most many people who we have invited with guest are just RSVPing for themselves without a guest if they are not in a relationship.
  • Thanks for all your input. She has continued to pester me about a guest and has gone as far as saying 'If I can't even have a friend come after dinner, then I won't come to the reception at all and it's not right that I'm not allowed to bring a guest'
    I've gone to weddings by myself and have had a great time only knowing a few people. This day is not about her. If she doesn't want to come over a guest than fine too
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  • @peppy22vball. Wow! I can't believe the persistence of some people. Like you said, your wedding is about celebrating your marriage, so if she doesn't want to come, it's really her loss. 
    WonderRed
  • I'm sorry your going through that.. Honestly a lot of people have no idea how hard it is to put something like a wedding together. When you allow one extra person, it opens up a group of others. You can't allow one and not the other type of thing. Paying for my own wedding we didn't allow any teens or 20 something to have a guest unless married. We have to cut some where. You do that and you add another 20 people which we can't do. In my opinion, your Freind is being extremely rude and inconsiderate.
  • Yea. I tried explaining that not only our budget but also the building code has a max capacity for the hall. I would like to know who told her it wasn't right that she didn't get a guest... I did my research to make sure I wasn't breaking any etiquette
    I'm shocked at how rude and selfish people can be. Especially from a friend! Her loss not mine. I had enough on my plate last week dealing with a misdated CPR card and my car's check engine light turned on than to deal with her drama.
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  • I've realized weddings bring out the best and worst in people. 
  • I'm so sorry she's still pushing the issue.   You're right.  It's her loss here, not yours.
  • I actually got an rsvp yesterday from a couple who is bringing another couple with them. We didn't add any guest to their invite and we never invited the 2nd couple. Thought it was kinda rude personally but it's a couple who was on my FMIL list and since their paying I can't really complain.

     

    Have you guys been getting Maybe RSVPs? I specifically have "I will attend/I will not attend" and I get maybe. So I guess MAYBE you will get to eat.

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  • I haven't gotten any maybes... That's kind of odd. I would maybe confirm with the maybes.
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  • @ginter27 that is a new one.. I havent gotten any maybes.. thats strange.. like let me know can you come yes or no.. I had a family that I offered 5 seats to and they called me back and was like hey you didnt give us enough seats we need 8.

    Daisypath - (PNE7)
  • I'm getting ones that say they will come if.....it doesn't snow or if they are home or whatever excuse. How the heck and I suppose to get a final count like that?
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  • @leciab,
    Do they think they are buying tickets to a show or something?
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  • LeciaBLeciaB member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2013

     

    @leciab, Do they think they are buying tickets to a show or something?

    I guess they do.. -_- but i told her all she got was 5 seats..or someone needs to write me a check ..jk 


    Daisypath - (PNE7)
  • We haven't gotten any maybes, although we have gotten one with no response checked (although he included a gift card,) and this particular uncle never comes to weddings, so we are fairly certain it is a no.

    We've given my FI aunt and uncle a maybe. They said they won't be able to make it, but we're keeping 2 spots open for them so that they can decide the morning of the wedding. The aunt just had a stroke a few months ago, so heath wise isn't doing very well. At this point they don't feel they can come as she can't sit long and can't do stairs, but as we would love for them to be there, we're including them in the count in case they decide they can make it, even if it's just for the ceremony.  (Hopefully FI ha communicated this to them!)

     

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  • The only "maybe" I have so far is from my college roommate - she just told me she's pregnant and that the baby is kicking her a$$. But we've given her an extended deadline to figure out if she can travel. 
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