Moms and Maids

Friend said no to being a bridesmaid.

Hi ladies, 
First off, I've already gotten married to my wonderful husband this past February. This is a question for one of my bridesmaids.

She was asked again to be a bridesmaid for her other friend. She had politely said no to her. She is in school, has a full-time job, and will do her unpaid internship soon, which means she would have to go part time on her job, which means less money. 

She had told her friend she can't afford being a bridesmaid again, she is so busy with school and her job and then her internship that she would feel guilty if she couldn't make it to dress fittings or bridal showers, and that she wouldn't be able to give the bride her 100%. She would still support them at her wedding but she couldn't do more than that.

At this, the bride was completely mad. She had stated that they were friends for a long time, she said, "I don't know what made you so traumatized at the other person's wedding," "I don't know why you said no, my other friend is getting her masters and has a job too and she still said yes," "my other friends say there must be something else going on because you don't look that busy on Facebook," 

She came crying to me telling me this, and I thought back to my wedding and sure enough she was busy too. She had said yes to being my bridesmaid but she wasn't able to go to my Bachelorette Party, and she was late to my rehearsal dinner coming from work. I told her I completely understand, she was trying to better her life and I wasn't going to make her choose. 

Is it right for her to say no? Should she just say yes and become her bridesmaid. I told my friend that she was doing what was best for her, and that if she and the bride are really good friends, they would both get over this. I can't help seeing her cry. I know its not my business, but I almost want to talk some sense into that bride. What are your thoughts?

Re: Friend said no to being a bridesmaid.

  • Yes, she absolutely has the right to say no. The bride is being totally unreasonable. Poor girl, finances are nothing to screw with.
  • edited September 2013
    Thank you. I guess I wanted to know that I gave her good advice. I want to show her this post so she doesn't have to cry and think that she did something wrong.

  • Totally agree with PPs, being in wedding is financially consuming
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • This bride just showed her true color to your friend.  Your friend had every right to say no.  I could understand if the bride was bummed, but the fact she got mad?  Crazy!  I think your friend just dodged a terrible experience.
  • She definitely had a right to say no. If the bride really wants her in the wedding then she should either offer to help her out financially, or perhaps give her another role that doesn't require as much of a time and money comittment, like doing a reading at the ceremony.
  • No is always an acceptable answer.  The bride sounds very entitled and your friend probably dodged a bullet by declining to be in the wedding party.
  • Your friend has every right to say no to being a BM.  She does not have to give excuses for her answer.  Even if she wasn't busy and money wasn't an issue she still has every right to say no without being treated so poorly.

    Your friend who is the bride is being a bitch.  Period.  Your other friend she be thankful that this happened because it showed this girls true colors and your friend deserves better friends then that.

    And then also everyone judging her "level of busy" by FB just screams immature.

  • The bride sounds incredibly immature, and needs to get over herself. Your friend was right to say no, and without a question has a right to do whatever she wants with her life.

    The bride sounds like the type that would start bitching in a few months when your friend couldn't commit to every single little thing because of her prior commitments and priorities. Dodged a bullet on that one!
  • The bride was a complete jerk to your friend.  The only one who matters to this self-centered 'zilla is herself.

    I think your friend dodged a bullet.  She deserves better.
  • So sorry that this happened to your friend, but I have to agree with the pp's that its probably for the best that she declined.  I think it is sad how caught up in the its MY day and MY wedding some brides get! 
  • This bride just showed her true color to your friend.  Your friend had every right to say no.  I could understand if the bride was bummed, but the fact she got mad?  Crazy!  I think your friend just dodged a terrible experience.

  • She can count her blessings that she said no!  Sounds like if she had said yes, it would have been an awful experience and there would be plently more tears in the future.  Any good friend would have said "I totally understand and I am honored to have you celebrate with me at my wedding".

  • Of course she has the right to say "no" - brides ask their nearest and dearest to be BMs - it's not like it's a royal decree or something.

    Being a BM can be expensive, especially if the BM wants to get involved in optional extra things like pre-wedding parties. I'm a BM for a friend in her upcoming wedding - she was thrown a shower in August. I had just moved halfway across the country 10 days before and would have had to fly back to attend. I told her that I just couldn't make it - the logistics and finances wouldn't work. She saying that made me feel guilty, since I wanted to be there to celebrate with her. Luckily, she understood and didn't hold it against me. It's too bad that you're friend's friend-the-bride isn't as understanding.
  • I don't have any friends that would treat me that poorly if I declined being in their wedding. I'd understand if they were disappointed but getting mad and telling me I'm lying about my reasons for being unable to is friendship-ending for me.
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