Ideas for bringing Catholic elements into a Presbyterian ceremony

BronwenB72

Hello!  My fiancé and I are getting married in a beautiful Presbyterian church.  He is a practicing Presbyterian and I'm a practicing Catholic.  We will have a Catholic Deacon present for the ceremony but the Presbyterian minister will run the ceremony.  We are both very traditional and would like a beautiful ceremony; length of the ceremony is not an issue.  I'm thinking of a Unity Candle Ceremony.  Does anyone have ideas for infusing both religions into the ceremony?  Readings?  Anything special they have seen in the past?  Thanks all!

 

 

MobKaz

The unity candle actually is NOT a Catholic element.  In fact, in many Catholic ceremonies, the unity candle is not allowed.  Most of the elements that distinguish a Catholic ceremony from another denomination are the sacraments, which you obviously cannot incorporate at a Presbyterian church. The only "element" I can think of would be saying a prayer at the statue of the BVM.  Does that church have one?

You do understand that your marriage will not be valid in the eyes of the Catholic church, regardless of how many "elements" you incorporate, right?

artbyallie

mobkaz said:

The unity candle actually is NOT a Catholic element.  In fact, in many Catholic ceremonies, the unity candle is not allowed.  Most of the elements that distinguish a Catholic ceremony from another denomination are the sacraments, which you obviously cannot incorporate at a Presbyterian church. The only "element" I can think of would be saying a prayer at the statue of the BVM.  Does that church have one?

You do understand that your marriage will not be valid in the eyes of the Catholic church, regardless of how many "elements" you incorporate, right?

This is what I was going to point out. You will not be able to continue to be a practicing Catholic. I mean, you could still attend Mass and such, but AFAIK you can't continue to receive communion if you don't get married by a priest in the Church.

NYCMercedes

@mobkaz, no BVM in the Presbyterian church. No statues or icons. We had a priest assist our Presbyterian pastor. I don't remember what he did, other than to say a prayer. The two pastors planned the whole service together without any input from us.

itzMS

OP, you and your FI will need to still do Pre-cana in the Catholic Church and receive a disposition from your Bishop (through your Priest) to get married elsewhere and have your marriage seen as valid by the Catholic Church. If you do not have a valid marriage in the eyes of the Catholic Church...you are not in communion with the Church. Bad deal.

I'm amazed that you claim to be practicing and traditional, but do not know this key factor.

 

STARMOON44

Why is everyone assuming the OP, who mentions the participation of a Catholic Deacon, hasn't obtained the necessary dispensations to marry in a Presbyterian church and completed her diocese's pre Cana requirements?

OP- consult with the minister to be sure, but singing a traditionally catholic hymn could be a lovely option, as could using a traditional prayer. Not everything works in a Protestant setting if course, but there are plenty that could. You and your fiancé could also write a prayer together in which you give thanks for the gift of your faith, acknowledging the blessing you have received from the catholic church and him from the Presbyterian. You could recite the Nicene Creed, which pledges belief in the holy catholic church. And I always like the hymn Blessed Be The Ties for interfaith christian weddings.

itzMS

STARMOON44 said:

Why is everyone assuming the OP, who mentions the participation of a Catholic Deacon, hasn't obtained the necessary dispensations to marry in a Presbyterian church and completed her diocese's pre Cana requirements? OP- consult with the minister to be sure, but singing a traditionally catholic hymn could be a lovely option, as could using a traditional prayer. Not everything works in a Protestant setting if course, but there are plenty that could. You and your fiancé could also write a prayer together in which you give thanks for the gift of your faith, acknowledging the blessing you have received from the catholic church and him from the Presbyterian. You could recite the Nicene Creed, which pledges belief in the holy catholic church. And I always like the hymn Blessed Be The Ties for interfaith christian weddings.

Because if she did, she would have already discussed the different elements she can and cannot include with her Priest (this is all covered in the pre-Cana and pre marital meetings with your Priest). She wouldn't be asking strangers on TK.

 

STARMOON44

Really? Pre-Cana covers the elements she can include in a protestant ceremony? Why would a priest be the expert on that? Once she has a dispensation to be married in a Protestant church, wouldn't the minister of that church then be presiding and in charge of what elements can be included? And isn't it just maybe possible that that minister likewise isn't the expert on catholic ceremonies, and might not be able to give her suggestions of what to include, but be open to ideas?

NYCMercedes

@starmoon44, That's catholic Church, not Catholic Church. It means a community of believers. Learned it when I was a child in Sunday school. Also, here's a reference for you: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/asktheexpert/ask_apostlescreed.html

BronwenB72

Thanks to those that provided kind responses. Appreciate. 

STARMOON44

@nycmercedes. I know. That's why I didn't capitalize it. But I thought she still might like the use of the word.

itzMS

STARMOON44 said:

Really? Pre-Cana covers the elements she can include in a protestant ceremony? Why would a priest be the expert on that? Once she has a dispensation to be married in a Protestant church, wouldn't the minister of that church then be presiding and in charge of what elements can be included? And isn't it just maybe possible that that minister likewise isn't the expert on catholic ceremonies, and might not be able to give her suggestions of what to include, but be open to ideas?

Because in order for the OP to have a valid marriage in the Catholic Church, she must have her Presbyterian ceremony approved by the Bishop in her diocese (this is an extensive process).

The Catholic priest (and the OP's home Parish) are still very actively involved if she is doing things the correct way.

Catholic traditions can't be performed willy-nilly outside of the church, so of course the OP's priest would know elements that she can and cannot utilize.

 

STARMOON44

She asked for possible readings. I just don't see why it's so impossible that she has done everything by the book, and wants help choosing readings that honor her catholic faith. I'm all for sharing the requirements with her, but I think assuming that she's not following procedures is terribly uncharitable. For all we know, she's just getting her thoughts together before meeting with the priest and minister, and having some ideas to discuss might be useful.

itzMS

STARMOON44 said:

She asked for possible readings. I just don't see why it's so impossible that she has done everything by the book, and wants help choosing readings that honor her catholic faith. I'm all for sharing the requirements with her, but I think assuming that she's not following procedures is terribly uncharitable. For all we know, she's just getting her thoughts together before meeting with the priest and minister, and having some ideas to discuss might be useful.

I appreciate what you're saying, but considering her first idea in her OP was the Unity Candle (which is not a Catholic tradition at all. In fact, my Priest wouldn't even allow it), I'm finding it hard to believe she talked to a priest. In the literature we received on our first meeting with our Priest, it was made very clear that the Unity Candle is NOT Catholic.

It would be a bummer for her to not know her marriage could potentailly be invalid. It's a really big deal to Catholics, so I don't take it lightly. We have a lot of non-negotiables to follow.

STARMOON44

I get that. I just think the whole tone (not just you) has been a bit hostile to someone who might be doing it right. After all, the fact that most priests don't allow the Unity candle means that some do- maybe her parish does. And some priests just aren't that helpful in pre-Cana- sad, but true.

NYCBruin

STARMOON44 said:

I get that. I just think the whole tone (not just you) has been a bit hostile to someone who might be doing it right. After all, the fact that most priests don't allow the Unity candle means that some do- maybe her parish does. And some priests just aren't that helpful in pre-Cana- sad, but true.

I agree with all of this except for the bolded most.  I think most priests DO allow them.  I know that unity candles are not a Catholic thing, but I have honestly never been to a Catholic wedding without one.  Also, our pre-Cana classes didn't include anything on planning the actual ceremony outside of handing us an pamphlet with some suggested readings.  I also know that priests are incredibly busy and have tried my best to research things before going to him with questions since I don't want to waste his time asking things I could have easily found elsewhere, maybe OP was doing the same thing.

NYCMercedes

My mistake. Thank you, @starmoon44.

MobKaz

NYCMercedes said:

@mobkaz, no BVM in the Presbyterian church. No statues or icons. We had a priest assist our Presbyterian pastor. I don't remember what he did, other than to say a prayer. The two pastors planned the whole service together without any input from us.

Thanks, NYCMercedes.  I had a feeling such a statue would not be in a Presbyterian church, but did not want to sound definitive when I wasn't sure.  That's interesting that NO statues or icons are present in their church.

Viczaesar

NYCMercedes said:

@starmoon44, That's catholic Church, not Catholic Church. It means a community of believers. Learned it when I was a child in Sunday school. Also, here's a reference for you: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/asktheexpert/ask_apostlescreed.html

Just to clarify, catholic actually means universal (from the Greek katholikos).

tally7

you should probably just ask the deacon and he will help you - I don't know if the ceremonies will be that different -