what is more rude?

hmonkey

not showing up on the day of, or calling ahead and letting the bride/groom/couple know four days before the wedding that you won't be there.

dbanana

Although my opinion on last minute cancelations are...

But I'd rather know not to expect you than to think to myself, "wow, I haven't seen So&So all day - how rude of me! I should seek them out!" 

dbanana

why oh why can't I put my thinking cap on for this damn gif?!

6fsn

I'm a dumbass and voted wrong.  I meant to say no show was more rude.

Grabows14

Me too @6fsn :-(

Lauderdale Pink

Both stink because you have to pay for people who cancel at the last minute.  Other than health issues, or an early baby delivery, there is no excuse for such rudeness.  It is agonizing when you have to trim a guest list, so people who accept the invitation should have better sense.

ceceibson

Second thread on a cousin who was good enough to let you know her plans had changed.  I choose neither option.

jenn77b

I consider both equally rude, unless there is a legitimate reason they can't come, and in that case if they know ahead of time (maybe soemone died and they have to attend a funeral...they would only know 4 days or so in advance), or some illness/legit issue that comes up the day of that keeps them from coming.  Otherwise, they're both equally rude.

hmonkey

i think that telling the couple ahead of time is more rude. it stresses them out over something you did, whereas a no show may not be noticed by them.

jojobrn

I think if the person is say a "big fish" in terms of the guest list, like a close friend or immediate family, you should tell them ahead of time. I would spend the day freaking out that something horrible had happened to them.
If it is a random co-worker or friend of your parents, etc. I wouldn't expect them to bother.

NavyBlue143

H had a friend he hadn't seen in years rsvp yes, so he was ecstatic. She then didn't show because she had an impromptu motorcycle rally. Several of his friends who said yes didn't show. He was really upset. So yeah, just not showing up is rude and sometimes very hurtful.

MrsRadke

Grabows14 said:

Me too @6fsn :-(

Seriously? Me three...

AprilH81

6fsn said:

I'm a dumbass and voted wrong.  I meant to say no show was more rude.

Me too...  lol

JessicaJupiter

I think it is much less rude if you call in advance. You could always inform some of your guests that they could bring an additional person with them as there is more room, perhaps a last minute invite to someone who got cut off of the invitation list.

It is rude to not give at least a months notice in my mind but things happen. Perhaps their time off they needed to travel was denied and they would be fired for calling in sick, maybe something has come up within their family that is more important than attending a party. 

To me limiting it to extreme sickness, death in the family and childbirth is expecting too much of some guests. Perhaps to immediate family these standards should be followed, but for friends, coworkers and acquaintances some understanding should be shown.

rockchalkwedding

Definitely let them know.  It is still rude, but different venues have different policies on when the "final" guest count is due.  I've seen as little as 72 hours. 

qtrfan

I also voted wrong.  Duh