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Customs and Traditions

General Tradition Help!

Hello!

My fiance and I have barely been to any weddings our entire lives and are so completely new to this it's not even funny.

Are there any websites or resources that basically list typical traditions or how a wedding is typically scheduled.

The two of us aren't very traditional at all so I'm sure we'll ditch a few but I do want to be aware of what's typical/traditional.

Re: General Tradition Help!

  • We're going to need so much more information than you've provided here. Where are you getting married? When? What time of year? Indoor? Outdoor? What are your families' religious, cultural, and ethnic backgrounds and traditions? Is this a first wedding or a second wedding? Do either of you have children from previous relationships? Do you have relationships with your parents? Are your parents still married? Do you have step-parents? Do you have siblings or nieces and nephews? 

    We're happy to help, but we need more information before that can happen.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The only typical thing is the ceremony and reception.

    Some things to do so as to not be rude to your guests...
    No gap between ceremony and reception
    Host what you can afford but do not make your guests open their wallets for anything (ie cash bar, HM jar, dollar dance)
    Make sure you have enough seating for everyone for both the ceremony and reception
    Keep toasts to a minimum
    No b-listing
    No tiered wedding

    IMO, as long as you host your guests well and provide good food, good booze (if you want) and good music your guests will be very happy no matter if you go the traditional wedding route or not.


  • Hello!

    My fiance and I have barely been to any weddings our entire lives and are so completely new to this it's not even funny.

    Are there any websites or resources that basically list typical traditions or how a wedding is typically scheduled.

    The two of us aren't very traditional at all so I'm sure we'll ditch a few but I do want to be aware of what's typical/traditional.


    Without more information, here's some general guidelines...

    The only requirements for your ceremony are those required by your county and/or state. Check the requirements when you apply for your marriage license.

    Your reception should immediately follow your ceremony. No gaps.

    You don't need to do a first dance or parent dances unless you want to.

     

    Be a thoughtful and gracious hostess to your guests, and it's pretty much as easy as that.

  • I think we can get all that down. My mom is pretty knowledgeable about all of this stuff too, so she's a great resource, I was just hoping we could make ourselves familiar with things so that if people were like "so are you doing a unity sand thing" I wouldn't be totally lost (I JUST found out what that was. I also just found out about the whole cocktail hour thing).
  • What is a tiered wedding?
  • What is a tiered wedding?


    When you invite some guests for dinner and dancing, and then invite some additional guests for "dancing only".

     

  • Oh my gosh that sounds horrible!
    [Deleted User]Dreamergirl8812
  • We're going to need so much more information than you've provided here. Where are you getting married? When? What time of year? Indoor? Outdoor? What are your families' religious, cultural, and ethnic backgrounds and traditions? Is this a first wedding or a second wedding? Do either of you have children from previous relationships? Do you have relationships with your parents? Are your parents still married? Do you have step-parents? Do you have siblings or nieces and nephews? 

    We're happy to help, but we need more information before that can happen.
    Ack I just saw this post, I don't know why I didn't see it earlier.

    It's going to be indoors or ceremony outdoors, reception indoors next May. It's our first wedding for both of us.

    My family is Catholic, his is some other denomination of Christian. We want the ceremony to be non religious but if there are any traditions that tend to go along with weddings of those types and aren't explicitly religious I'd be ok with maybe including them.

    Half of my family and all of his are your very typical white Americans (that side for me is Irish and Polish). My mom is Puerto Rican. I am very close to both of my parents and they are together. He is fairly close to his parents but they are split each with significant others. We don't have kids, just a parrot, a cat, and a lizard =]. I have a younger brother (18 years old), and he's an only child.
  • We're going to need so much more information than you've provided here. Where are you getting married? When? What time of year? Indoor? Outdoor? What are your families' religious, cultural, and ethnic backgrounds and traditions? Is this a first wedding or a second wedding? Do either of you have children from previous relationships? Do you have relationships with your parents? Are your parents still married? Do you have step-parents? Do you have siblings or nieces and nephews? 

    We're happy to help, but we need more information before that can happen.
    Ack I just saw this post, I don't know why I didn't see it earlier.

    It's going to be indoors or ceremony outdoors, reception indoors next May. It's our first wedding for both of us.

    My family is Catholic, his is some other denomination of Christian. We want the ceremony to be non religious but if there are any traditions that tend to go along with weddings of those types and aren't explicitly religious I'd be ok with maybe including them.

    Half of my family and all of his are your very typical white Americans (that side for me is Irish and Polish). My mom is Puerto Rican. I am very close to both of my parents and they are together. He is fairly close to his parents but they are split each with significant others. We don't have kids, just a parrot, a cat, and a lizard =]. I have a younger brother (18 years old), and he's an only child.
    If you're not having a religious ceremony, that makes things substantially easier.

    First, sit down with your FI and figure out your budget -- how much you can comfortably afford to spend on this WITHOUT taking out loans or going into debt. DO NOT assume anyone will offer money, and don't ask anyone for money.

    Then you need to clear the date(s) you're thinking of with your VIPs -- parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. Then you need to find a venue that can accommodate the number of people you want to invite, and which is within your price range. 

    Other PPs hit on most of the rules, but here's a (short and not complete) list:
    1. Anyone who gets a STDate must get an invite; don't send STDates to anyone you're not totally sure about.
    2. Anyone married, engaged, living together, or publicly identifying as a couple, must be invited together.
    3. No, you do not have to invite children.
    4. If you invite some children, you don't have to invite all children; you can choose based on circles.
    5. Don't have a cash bar. Host what you can afford -- dry, beer/wine only, full open, whatever. But host it, don't make your guests pay for it.
    6. Anyone who pays gets a say, so think carefully before accepting anyone's money, because doing so gives them a say in the guest list, venue, etc.
    7. Don't have a gap.
    8. Don't have a tiered reception.
    9. Anyone invited to pre-wedding events -- showers, parties, etc. -- must be invited to the wedding.
    10. Don't put registry information on the wedding invitation.
    11. Don't put "adult only" on the invitation, either.
    12. Think carefully about your bridal party -- once you ask them, you cannot unask them.
    13. Your sides don't have to be even; it's OK if he has more guys than you have girls or vice versa.

    I'm sure there are more, but those come to mind. Stick around, lurk, use the search function -- a lot of your questions you'll find other answers to by searching!
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Mlewis1
  • Thanks!
    My parents have already offered to pay for the brunt of it, and my fiance has a few things he wants to cover himself. There is one thing my parents have offered to pay for that we might have some issues with (catering), but in all honesty outside of catering and my dress neither of us are very picky so we are willing to compromise on certain things if it makes more people happy.
    We have a month in mind and so far everyone seems ok with it.
    Everything seems to make a lot of sense.
    Thanks so much.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I would just like to add that you said your family is Catholic.  Are you Catholic?  Are you still practicing or want to be practicing in the future?  If so, I highly recommend speaking with a priest.  If you don't marry within the Catholic Church, you wedding would not be recognized by the Church and you would then be out of good standing from the Church and barred from receiving Communion.  Just because your FI is not Catholic doesn't mean that you both cannot marry in the Church.  He also would not be required to convert.

    However, after saying all that, if you have no interest in practicing the Catholic faith any longer or are not even Catholic, than have the ceremony that you and your FI want to have.  Don't let anyone pressure you into having a religious ceremony if it is not what fits you and your FI.  The ceremony is the part of the day that should represent you and FI, exclusively and you not have a religious ceremony to appease parents. 

  • ShellLillianShellLillian member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    I said my FAMILY is Catholic and we want a nonreligious wedding. I have never in my life been a practicing Catholic.

    Edit: I didn't mean that to be rude, I was just clarifying!
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Oh my gosh that sounds horrible!


    You're going to be just fine.
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    Anniversary
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    WonderRedhuskypuppy14[Deleted User]
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