The Minister...

cidefi

Im thinking of asking a long time friend who is an ordained minister to officate our wedding ceremony. Hopefully he will say yes. While going through some of these threads, I realized that I need to include the vendors in my count for the reception for dinner. My question is do we invite his wife to be a guest also? I plan on making a donation to his church or paying him, which ever he wants. Although we r not BFF's, he is childhood church friend and fellow highschool classmate. I don't know if he's a vendor or a friend. My thinking is if he's just a vendor, then we shouldn't invite his wife. But because this is a family function where a lot of my family members know him, that kinda makes it personal so maybe we should invite his wife. IDK what to do? Any advice...

HisGirlFriday13

Invite him and his wife. Ministers are that weird category of vendor where the spouse (if he has one) gets invited. With your photog, you wouldn't invite his wife, but a minister you do.

ElcaB

Yes, you should invite his wife to the wedding and invite both of them to be guests at your reception. 

I don't really get including vendors in the count for dinner. Of course it's a nice gesture, and I'm not trying to sound bitchy or cheap, but they are working. They're getting paid to do a job. My employer doesn't provide me with lunch every day. Would it be, ahem, crabbed or savage to not provide vendors with dinner? (I plan to feed my vendors, I'm just curious.)

HisGirlFriday13

Nice use of the synonyms for rude!

I think the mentality is, you can't expect them to work 8 hours without a meal break, so if you feed them, they need shorter break than if they have to go off-site. Also, if you feed them on-site, they can eat but still watch the action in case something happens.

Also, most vendors include it in their fees.

RedJacks25

ElcaB said:

Yes, you should invite his wife to the wedding and invite both of them to be guests at your reception. 

I don't really get including vendors in the count for dinner. Of course it's a nice gesture, and I'm not trying to sound bitchy or cheap, but they are working. They're getting paid to do a job. My employer doesn't provide me with lunch every day. Would it be, ahem, crabbed or savage to not provide vendors with dinner? (I plan to feed my vendors, I'm just curious.)

I definitely wouldn't want my photographer taking our pictures on an empty stomach 7 or 8 hours into our day (I don't know about you, but I get really crabby and irritable when I don't eat), and I definitely wouldn't want her to miss an hour of the reception because she had to run out and grab her own food.

zitiqueen

ElcaB said:

Yes, you should invite his wife to the wedding and invite both of them to be guests at your reception. 

I don't really get including vendors in the count for dinner. Of course it's a nice gesture, and I'm not trying to sound bitchy or cheap, but they are working. They're getting paid to do a job. My employer doesn't provide me with lunch every day. Would it be, ahem, crabbed or savage to not provide vendors with dinner? (I plan to feed my vendors, I'm just curious.)

But your employer gives you the time to eat, right? Or are you saying you'd be okay with the photographer running to McDonald's right when you plan to cut the cake?

And are you really planning to feed your vendors out of the goodness of your heart, or because it's in their contract?

ElcaB

zitiqueen said:

ElcaB said:

Yes, you should invite his wife to the wedding and invite both of them to be guests at your reception. 

I don't really get including vendors in the count for dinner. Of course it's a nice gesture, and I'm not trying to sound bitchy or cheap, but they are working. They're getting paid to do a job. My employer doesn't provide me with lunch every day. Would it be, ahem, crabbed or savage to not provide vendors with dinner? (I plan to feed my vendors, I'm just curious.)

But your employer gives you the time to eat, right? Or are you saying you'd be okay with the photographer running to McDonald's right when you plan to cut the cake?

And are you really planning to feed your vendors out of the goodness of your heart, or because it's in their contract?

When I go to events for work, I take something with me. If I have a colleague with me, I might go grab something while she stays at the event or vice versa. I used to be a girl scout, so I'm always prepared! 

None of my vendors have included a meal in their contract; I'm choosing to feed them, Captain Confrontational. 

cidefi

Actually feeding vendors was 1 of those small but very very important details that I didn't even think about until I read it on here in another thread. And yes everybody was right, I wouldn't want to work 8 to 10 hours without being fed. So I will feed my vendors too. It doesn't matter if its in a contract or not, I'm doing it because I don't want them hungry. Most of my vendors I know because I've done business with them before. Like my photographer is a vegetarian, and I've heard him talk about how he usually brings snacks to his weddings because most of his clients aren't vegetarians and there usually isn't anything on the menu for him to eat. Well he lucked up with me because I'll be serving a veggie entree'. I needed 3 for my buffet, but my venue doesn't allow pork to be served in the building (its a religious things). So something that I was gonna do as a nice gesture turned out to be something we're suppose to do anyway. So glad I found that out.

Now I've got a part b follow up question: do vendors receive invitations? I know big vendors like the caterer, the bakery, the dj, and photographer do not because u sign contracts with them. Hairstylist, makeup artist u don't, because u make appointments with them. But again, what about the officiate?

NYCMercedes

Of course you invite his wife when you send him an invitation.

doeydo

Whenever you invite anyone to your wedding, you need to invite their significant other.  I would also send them an invitation, not just a casual "You can come if you want" next time you see him.  

ETA because he is your "longtime friend" and a minister in general is usually invited with their SO. 

MobKaz

ElcaB said:

zitiqueen said:

ElcaB said:

Yes, you should invite his wife to the wedding and invite both of them to be guests at your reception. 

I don't really get including vendors in the count for dinner. Of course it's a nice gesture, and I'm not trying to sound bitchy or cheap, but they are working. They're getting paid to do a job. My employer doesn't provide me with lunch every day. Would it be, ahem, crabbed or savage to not provide vendors with dinner? (I plan to feed my vendors, I'm just curious.)

But your employer gives you the time to eat, right? Or are you saying you'd be okay with the photographer running to McDonald's right when you plan to cut the cake?

And are you really planning to feed your vendors out of the goodness of your heart, or because it's in their contract?

When I go to events for work, I take something with me. If I have a colleague with me, I might go grab something while she stays at the event or vice versa. I used to be a girl scout, so I'm always prepared! 

None of my vendors have included a meal in their contract; I'm choosing to feed them, Captain Confrontational. 

Because the majority of the receptions are in restaurants or other food service venues, bringing in outside food is not allowed.  So the only option is for those vendors to go "off the clock" and grab their meal.  

Our photographer and DJ both had a meal in their contract.  I would have provided it regardless.  Our photographers began their day at 9:30 am and were with us until 10 pm.  

cidefi

What does ETA mean?

RedJacks25

cidefi said:

What does ETA mean?

Edited to add.

cidefi

Oh ok thanks

winelover123

Most vendors I've contacted require a meal. In my area, receptions tend to be only 4 hours long and we only have our photographer for 6 hours, but they still have it in the contract. I think it's a nice thing to do anyways - full, happy vendors are probably going to work better.

To the OP, as PPs said, invite the wife too and give them both dinner.