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Etiquette

I need some lessons

When I told my mother we were engaged, she was delighted. She also informed me that my wedding would not be for us, but for all the people who have supported us. We were very blessed that both our families have been saving up for a wedding and would be paying for it.  

That said, I am an introvert. I enjoy the company of others for a short time, and am able to manage just fine at work. I love coming home to our quiet little apartment and going for a run. This helps me recharge and be social again.

His parents have been with us for a week and I am in almost in tears from lack of alone time. I don't know how I am going to handle a wedding that will be 80 +.

My goal is to behave graciously (to each and every guest) without losing my sanity. If anybody has any tips for me, it would be greatly appreciated. 

Thank you!



 




Re: I need some lessons

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    You could decline your parents' money and have a smaller wedding if you want to.  In general, I think it is healthy for you to keep running and taking whatever time you need for yourself.  Also, I find it helpful to have "dates" for with my FI.  You two could get some quality, alone time that way; you could go out for dinner, stay at home cuddled up watching movies, or whatever you'd like.
    image
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, it's not like your guests will be sleeping at your place and you have to amuse them 24/7 for a week. Relax.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    melbelleupjendemeyer
  • A wedding goes by in the blink of an eye. Don't allow anyone to stay with you at your home. Also, this sounds like more than you just being an introvert. A chat with your doctor might be beneficial.


    melbelleup
  • You have two options.  Decline the money offered to you and have a very small wedding (ceremony and reception).  Or accept the money and have a good time for a few hours before returning to your quiet little apartment.  It is really a matter of personal preference, but the typical wedding is only 5 hours...even with all the prep time you will be done in about 8 or 9 hours.  Do what you feel is best for you!
    doeydo
  • A an introvert, I can feel you.  A few years back my parents stayed with me in my 1 bedroom apartment, and while I love them to death, they were driving me nuts.  We had an 80+ person wedding and I was fine.  If I were you, I'd have a heart to heart with those that are planning the wedding and carve out specific time in the schedule where you can be alone with specific people, even if it is just for 10 minutes every two hours.  Find a photographer you love and plan 20 minutes of photos for just the two of you.  Plan to get ready with just a few low-stress people.  Take an extended bathroom break at the reception. Definitely plan a low key few days afterwards that you can look forward to.  As far as table visits, focus on one table at a time. I "practiced" the visit plan at my bridal shower and it helped.
    [Deleted User]pbi9994
  • I feel you there about being an introvert. My fiance and I are both introverts and are happiest in small groups.

    What we ended up picking is a small (10-11 guest) wedding and then a party a month later. I'm the oldest in my family so my parents want to throw me a party and invite people. It will probably end up being 100-150 people. I'm looking forward to it because we'll be able to go back to our apartment afterwards.

    Suggestions---maybe do a first look with your fiance? That might help to have a little quiet time in the middle of the craziness. Or at least maybe have some pictures just the two of you. Plan as much as you are comfortable with in terms of activity during the time leading up to the wedding and the actual day. Maybe even take a day or two before the honeymoon to recover.

    Best of luck with your planning!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    pbi9994
  • Thank you for your kind advice! 

    Y'all are right. There's a big difference between a week and a few hours. I need to remind myself of that. 

    SomethingBeautiful, I love the idea of "practicing" greetings. Even if I feel silly doing it, I know that it's going to really help me out on the day of.  Thanks!


    melbelleup
  • We did a first look, which was enormously helpful to calm our nerves. And it was lovely to have that time to ourselves. Also, I had scheduled 10 minutes after the ceremony for us to take a walk alone and just soak it all in. In the end, I didn't need it, but it's a good idea for a cooling-off time if you're an introvert. Finally, we "divided and conquered" during the reception. We both greeted every single guest in a receiving line, but we spent most of the reception separately with the guests we knew.

    There's a ton of advice for introverts over on Offbeat Bride. This is a good place to start: http://offbeatbride.com/2013/09/introverted-wedding-couples
    melbelleup
  • anniecate said:
    When I told my mother we were engaged, she was delighted. She also informed me that my wedding would not be for us, but for all the people who have supported us. We were very blessed that both our families have been saving up for a wedding and would be paying for it.  

    That said, I am an introvert. I enjoy the company of others for a short time, and am able to manage just fine at work. I love coming home to our quiet little apartment and going for a run. This helps me recharge and be social again.

    His parents have been with us for a week and I am in almost in tears from lack of alone time. I don't know how I am going to handle a wedding that will be 80 +.

    My goal is to behave graciously (to each and every guest) without losing my sanity. If anybody has any tips for me, it would be greatly appreciated. 

    Thank you!
    I have an issue with the bolded. Of course your wedding is for you. You are the reason there is a wedding at all. 

    PPs have good advice. 
    image
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    A an introvert, I can feel you.  A few years back my parents stayed with me in my 1 bedroom apartment, and while I love them to death, they were driving me nuts.  We had an 80+ person wedding and I was fine.  If I were you, I'd have a heart to heart with those that are planning the wedding and carve out specific time in the schedule where you can be alone with specific people, even if it is just for 10 minutes every two hours.  Find a photographer you love and plan 20 minutes of photos for just the two of you.  Plan to get ready with just a few low-stress people.  Take an extended bathroom break at the reception. Definitely plan a low key few days afterwards that you can look forward to.  As far as table visits, focus on one table at a time. I "practiced" the visit plan at my bridal shower and it helped.
    As another introvert who also has social anxiety, I always pratice anything I need to do if it's in front of people. Even if it's going over what to say in head.  It might also be good to have a sweetheart table so you could have a break talking to people. I am also planning on finding a quiet place if I get too overwhelmed.

  • I agree with Something Beautiful 08. I also agree that no one should stay at your apartment other than you and your FI the day before or the day of your wedding. That is your haven keep it sacred, which will help your anxiety.
    melbelleup
  • I am also very much an introvert.  We're only having 35 people and I'm anxious about it.   The closer I get to our wedding date the more I love my taekwondo classes.  I swear I would go to class the morning of the wedding if I didn't have to be at the salon at the same time.  I think I'm going to try to find a yoga class somewhere earlier that morning to help me focus and relax.   Aside from the fact that I'll need a ride to the salon and then the wedding, I'd really rather spend the entire morning of the wedding alone (until about 30 minutes before hand) and am trying to figure out how to make that happen.    Our celebrant is also doing our ceremony music and is going to entertain our guests for 5-10 minutes after the ceremony to give us some alone time before we dive right into the chaos.
  • I agree with PPs that the wedding is going to feel a lot different than a week of house guests.  We had 10 minutes alone in between the ceremony and the reception (a Jewish tradition), which was really nice.  I also didn't have a bridal party, so it was just me and my mom at the salon, and then me and one close friend that helped me tie up my dress.  Much lower stress than having to worry about coordinating a group of people and being social if I didn't feel like it.  

    I've learned to build in alone time for myself.  Have you talked to your FI about this?  My H is totally supportive, and that helps a lot when we have guests or are visiting people.  Sometimes when we have house guests we will take the dog for a walk alone while our guests are waking up.  If I want to do something alone, DH will cover for me.  When your FI's parents are in town, there's no reason why you cannot go for a run after work.  Have your FI make dinner plans just for the three of them, and you can have some solo time.  Although it might seem rude at first to step away from guests like that, on an extended visit, it will make the rest of the visit so much better if you get that recharge time in.  

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