"Bridezilla" rant.

natemxsgirl

No term in the entire wedding vocabulary aggravates me more than the word "bridezilla".

Everyone tells you that it's your special day and that you and your FI should do what makes you happy, especially when you're paying. There's one flaw in that statement. When you do what you want, no matter how tasteful, you're labeled as a bridezilla.

Example: I don't feel it's necessary to invite three out of ten of my father's siblings to our wedding because neither I nor my father has seen or spoken to them in several years. The guest list is slowly creeping up to 400 and I'm contemplating a destination wedding to cut costs. If I do however scratch these people from my list I can save roughly 15 spots between them and their children, but at what cost? That's right, the cost of being labeled as a bridezilla and called unreasonable by my father's other seven siblings.

Since when did making one of the most important days of your life cost effective, simple, as intimate as possible, and exactly what you wanted to be memorable (with the added benefit of stress free) turn you into some sort of monster? Why is this ok? And why do we keep using that annoying word?

Cokezerofreak

I was a bridezilla because I wanted to go to a salon that had sample dress sizes that fit me (I'm at 14/16 street size).

I hate that word and bling.  I've told all my vendors not to use it or I wont like what they are showing to me.  lol

Grabows14

A wedding is a ceremony and a party; not a license to micromanage the lives of people involved (ie WP, parents, FI, ILs). Some people think they can dictate if a friend can get her hair cut or not get a tattoo or force people to help do DIY projects... The list goes on.

However, the thing missing from your rant is "being tactful". I don't see why not inviting those people who aren't close with you to the wedding makes you a bridezilla, unless your parents are paying for the wedding.

If you are getting called bridezilla, then you are probably coming off as rude to whoever you're talking to, ie not being tactful about it.

PrettyGirlLost

natemxsgirl said:

No term in the entire wedding vocabulary aggravates me more than the word "bridezilla". Everyone tells you that it's your special day and that you and your FI should do what makes you happy, especially when you're paying.   The only people that tout that B.S. everywhere are the wedding industry and other brides trying to validate their often rude and selfish behavior. . . see just how far that philosophy gets you here.  There's one flaw in that statement. When you do what you want, no matter how tasteful, you're labeled as a bridezilla. Example: I don't feel it's necessary to invite three out of ten of my father's siblings to our wedding because neither I nor my father has seen or spoken to them in several years.   This is going to invite drama into your life, whether or not you are justified in your decision or not, and I am not passing any judgement on it.  The guest list is slowly creeping up to 400 and I'm contemplating a destination wedding to cut costs. If I do however scratch these people from my list I can save roughly 15 spots between them and their children, but at what cost? That's right, the cost of being labeled as a bridezilla and called unreasonable by my father's other seven siblings. Since when did making one of the most important days of your life cost effective, simple, as intimate as possible, and exactly what you wanted to be memorable (with the added benefit of stress free) turn you into some sort of monster?  Why is this ok? And why do we keep using that annoying word?

photokitty

PrettyGirlLost said:

natemxsgirl said:

 Example: I don't feel it's necessary to invite three out of ten of my father's siblings to our wedding because neither I nor my father has seen or spoken to them in several years.   This is going to invite drama into your life, whether or not you are justified in your decision or not, and I am not passing any judgement on it.  

I disagree with PP. OP, If you & our dad aren't close with these people or don't want them there it shouldn't invite drama into your life by excluding them. 

My FIL didn't want to invite 3 of his siblings, and it didn't result in any drama. 2 of them sent us a gift and one sent a card. My FIL had reasons not to invite them and we supported him and honored his request. Invite the people you want to be with you. If they aren't in your life as it is, then I don't think it will have much of an impact on your life in the future. But that's just my personal experience with a similar situation.

GL!

WonderRed

I completely agree it makes no sense to invite people no one ever sees or talks to, but if you're seriously inviting almost 400 people you are so far beyond any conceivable definition of a simple, cost effective, "intimate" wedding that it just doesn't matter. At this point, what difference does it really make to let those 3-6 more people choose if they want to come? In the grand scheme of things, this one isn't a hill worth dying on, IMO.

Maggie0829

WonderRed said:

I completely agree it makes no sense to invite people no one ever sees or talks to, but if you're seriously inviting almost 400 people you are so far beyond any conceivable definition of a simple, cost effective, "intimate" wedding that it just doesn't matter. At this point, what difference does it really make to let those 3-6 more people choose if they want to come? In the grand scheme of things, this one isn't a hill worth dying on, IMO.

I agree with this.

Dreamergirl8812

Maggie0829 said:

WonderRed said:

I completely agree it makes no sense to invite people no one ever sees or talks to, but if you're seriously inviting almost 400 people you are so far beyond any conceivable definition of a simple, cost effective, "intimate" wedding that it just doesn't matter. At this point, what difference does it really make to let those 3-6 more people choose if they want to come? In the grand scheme of things, this one isn't a hill worth dying on, IMO.

I agree with this.

400 people? And you're willing to incur familial wrath over some aunts and uncles? You are NOT in bridezilla territory here, but you're inviting drama into your life by alienating certain family members.

PrettyGirlLost

photokitty said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

natemxsgirl said:

 Example: I don't feel it's necessary to invite three out of ten of my father's siblings to our wedding because neither I nor my father has seen or spoken to them in several years.   This is going to invite drama into your life, whether or not you are justified in your decision or not, and I am not passing any judgement on it.  

I disagree with PP. OP, If you & our dad aren't close with these people or don't want them there it shouldn't invite drama into your life by excluding them. 

My FIL didn't want to invite 3 of his siblings, and it didn't result in any drama. 2 of them sent us a gift and one sent a card. My FIL had reasons not to invite them and we supported him and honored his request. Invite the people you want to be with you. If they aren't in your life as it is, then I don't think it will have much of an impact on your life in the future. But that's just my personal experience with a similar situation.

GL!

You can disagree with me all you want, but the OP has already stated that omitting these relatives has in fact caused drama in her family- "That's right, the cost of being labeled as a bridezilla and called unreasonable by my father's other seven siblings."

Whether or not she should/shouldn't invite these people is another matter.

natemxsgirl

I probably should have stated in the original post that my mother and stepfather are paying for most, if not all, of the wedding. (They're giving me x amount of money, anything left over they're giving FI and I as a down payment on a new house) My father is ok with excluding these people because he understands that I'm trying to cut costs anyway possible. I'm being selfish, but I want a house more than a big wedding.
I am still very early in the planning process (only decisions have been budget and starting on the guest list) so when I was asked by an aunt if I was inviting x, y, and z I figured it was best to answer as honestly and as politely as possible so I could get that out of the way before the real planning started. She told me I was being a bridezilla but then smiled and said " It's your day, do what you want". If someone I barely talk to is judging me before I really get into planning, what is going to happen when it gets closer to The Big Day?
I'm really starting to wish FI wasn't so against eloping. I hear Vegas is nice.

photokitty

400 guests is a long way off from eloping. Just cut your list to essentials and you'll save a lot of money and still have a happy groom. You're not a monster or bridezilla for being selective on who you invite to your wedding. You don't have to invite anyone, except for the SO of those that you choose to invite ;-) Good luck!

Dreamergirl8812

natemxsgirl said:

I probably should have stated in the original post that my mother and stepfather are paying for most, if not all, of the wedding. (They're giving me x amount of money, anything left over they're giving FI and I as a down payment on a new house) My father is ok with excluding these people because he understands that I'm trying to cut costs anyway possible. I'm being selfish, but I want a house more than a big wedding. I am still very early in the planning process (only decisions have been budget and starting on the guest list) so when I was asked by an aunt if I was inviting x, y, and z I figured it was best to answer as honestly and as politely as possible so I could get that out of the way before the real planning started. She told me I was being a bridezilla but then smiled and said " It's your day, do what you want". If someone I barely talk to is judging me before I really get into planning, what is going to happen when it gets closer to The Big Day? I'm really starting to wish FI wasn't so against eloping. I hear Vegas is nice.

You're not being selfish (especially for choosing a house over inviting people you aren't close to). You just may be hurting yourself by excluding people, which may cause drama. But I didn't realize how far off your wedding is; you'll be fine. And your aunt is being passive aggressive.

Also, thank you for taking the advice without getting defensive.

climbingsingle

400 people is a really large wedding. 

I'm not inviting my dad's half brothers and sisters. We honestly never see them and we're keeping the wedding small (100 people). IMO, if you're already at 400 people, you can invite the rest of your dad's siblings.