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Etiquette

Is this the same as B-Listing?

I previously was involved in a local moms club, and had been for several years. Just recently the club itself dissolved but we are all still friends. Shortly before dissolving two new moms had joined and we've started becoming better friends. They know about the wedding (other members are invited) but I've never discussed details or anything like that when they were around as not to be rude. They weren't originally invited to the wedding because we had just met when we had nailed down our guest list and it felt gift grabby to invite them at that point. Plus we weren't sure if money wise it would work. Well, we are in a much better place financially (but NOT due to declines, that has no affect on this) and part of me really wants to invite them since we've gotten closer over the past couple months. But our RSVPs are due today and the other part of me thinks it would look worse inviting them now then keeping the list as is. Would this be b-listing even we did invite them?

After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

Re: Is this the same as B-Listing?

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I don't think it is. I invited a couple who I had recently become very close with due to volunteering together for a club that prior to the increased contact we had been more acquaintances. If you weren't close when invites went out, but you are now than I think it is ok to invite them. I had a verbal conversation first with them and then sent the invite. Relationships grown and evolve at different rates- If you think you would regret not having your new friends there you should definitely invite them.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Grabows14Grabows14 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    Technically yes. But I mean a month of friendship makes a difference between inviting them to your wedding and not inviting them to your wedding? If you want them there then be honest with them, but I'm just surprised that it took you until day of RSVP to realize this.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    melbelleup
  • Grabows14 said:
    Technically yes. But I mean a month of friendship makes a difference between inviting them to your wedding and not inviting them to your wedding? If you want them there then be honest with them, but I'm just surprised that it took you until day of RSVP to realize this.
    We've known eachother since February-ish. But only started to really get to know each other over the summer. I thought about inviting them starting mid-summer but at that time it wasn't in the budget to add people. And our friendships have continued to grow since then. It wasn't until a few days ago that we were able to afford some extra guests (again, regardless of declines or not, that doesn't have an effect) but at this point it feels too late. I don't want to offend them by inviting them so late either.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    acove2006 said:
    Grabows14 said:
    Technically yes. But I mean a month of friendship makes a difference between inviting them to your wedding and not inviting them to your wedding? If you want them there then be honest with them, but I'm just surprised that it took you until day of RSVP to realize this.
    We've known eachother since February-ish. But only started to really get to know each other over the summer. I thought about inviting them starting mid-summer but at that time it wasn't in the budget to add people. And our friendships have continued to grow since then. It wasn't until a few days ago that we were able to afford some extra guests (again, regardless of declines or not, that doesn't have an effect) but at this point it feels too late. I don't want to offend them by inviting them so late either.
    But it might hurt their feelings that they aren't invited as you have become closer in past few months. I think you should have a conversation with them. Tell them you know it is late and that you realize they might have other plans, but you value their friendship and want to invite them. That's what we did and they told us they really wanted to come and were bummed they were going to miss it (since they weren't invited) and gladly accepted. It really comes down to whether these are friends you want there and if you think you will regret them not being there to celebrate such a joyous and monumental occasion in your life. If you think you'll be friends 10 years from now invite them. :-)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • It will still look like B-listing from their perspective.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    doeydoJean0715lc07
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited September 2013
    H invited a friend and his wife to our wedding after the invites went out but before the RSVP date.  He had met this friend about 4 months before invites went out.  They mainly just hung out at car meet-ups and such.  But over time they started hanging out more in a friend setting then a car setting.  By this time the invites went out.  H came to me about a month later (so invites had been out a month) and asked if we could invite his new friend and his wife.  By this point they had gotten pretty close and were hanging out a lot.  So I said sure.  I felt bad that they were getting an invite later then everyone else but H really wanted to invite him.  They came to our wedding and H and him are still great friends over 2 years later.

    EDIT:  I just wanted to add that there is a huge difference between a b-list of people that you didn't have room for but invited once RSVPs started to come in as a way to fill in spots and inviting new friends made over the course of a few months when the guest list needs to be finalized and invites need to go out.

  • acove2006 said:
    Grabows14 said:
    Technically yes. But I mean a month of friendship makes a difference between inviting them to your wedding and not inviting them to your wedding? If you want them there then be honest with them, but I'm just surprised that it took you until day of RSVP to realize this.
    We've known eachother since February-ish. But only started to really get to know each other over the summer. I thought about inviting them starting mid-summer but at that time it wasn't in the budget to add people. And our friendships have continued to grow since then. It wasn't until a few days ago that we were able to afford some extra guests (again, regardless of declines or not, that doesn't have an effect) but at this point it feels too late. I don't want to offend them by inviting them so late either.
    That's the definition of B-listing.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    lc07
  • so RSVPs are due tomorrow?  that would mean that this wedding is in about 3 weeks, correct?  Is that enough notice for these Moms to be able to arrange child-care, etc?  it seems like you should have done this sooner so that they would have more advance notice.  it's strange to me that as a fellow mom you hadn't considered that these ladies wouldn't be able to just drop everything and show up at a formal event at the last minute.

     

    I would talk to them in-person ASAP about wanting them to be there so that they have enough notice to make any necessary arrangements.  And so that it doesn't look like you just B-listed them.  But no matter how many times you say "this isn't because of declines" that's always what it's going to feel like this late in the game.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    acove2006 said:
    Grabows14 said:
    Technically yes. But I mean a month of friendship makes a difference between inviting them to your wedding and not inviting them to your wedding? If you want them there then be honest with them, but I'm just surprised that it took you until day of RSVP to realize this.
    We've known eachother since February-ish. But only started to really get to know each other over the summer. I thought about inviting them starting mid-summer but at that time it wasn't in the budget to add people. And our friendships have continued to grow since then. It wasn't until a few days ago that we were able to afford some extra guests (again, regardless of declines or not, that doesn't have an effect) but at this point it feels too late. I don't want to offend them by inviting them so late either.
    That's the definition of B-listing.
    Ooh, missed that. Yeah, that is b-listing.

  • Yeah this is b-listing. Don't do it. It doesn't matter how you're now able to invite them, you can't do it the day RSVPs are due without making them feel b-listed.
    doeydo
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yes, it's B-listing.  I don't think you should be inviting anyone since you said your RSVPs are due today...
    image
  • Yes, this is B-listing. You didn't have them on the original list because of budget. Now that people have RSVP'd no, you are able to invite them and are considering it. Although you didn't technically have a B-list to begin with, these people are now part of a B-list. It would be rude to invite them at this point.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    doeydo
  • That's what I figured everyone. And yeah, you're right. Even though it's not people declining that freed up the budget it all boils down to the same thing. It's too late in the game now. Thanks, I always like getting your guys' perspective!

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • Yes, this is B-listing. You didn't have them on the original list because of budget. Now that people have RSVP'd no, you are able to invite them and are considering it. Although you didn't technically have a B-list to begin with, these people are now part of a B-list. It would be rude to invite them at this point.
    The bigger budget isn't due to people declining. We have almost 100% acceptance. My FI picked up lots of extra hours at work and we have extra money now. But they won't know that and it does boil down to the same thing. Wishful thinking on my part I guess.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • I have mixed feelings on it, since originally they weren't on the guestlist because you didn't know them and now you're closer and not because you had declines and now want to fill seats.

    Ultimately, though, the appearance is that of B-listing, and the perception is that of B-listing even if that's not the intention.

    Enjoy your wedding and don't worry about it.  I'm sure that they also realize that you weren't close when these things were being finalized.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
  • scribe95 said:
    Maybe a nice lunch after the wedding with these folks or invite them for a small dinner party at your house. !
    I like this idea! Thanks!

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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