Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Infants?

My step brother on my mom's side and step sister on my dad's side will both have 2 month old infants when our wedding rolls around. They are both about 900 miles away and honestly I did not expect either to come considering the circumstances. However, stepsister told us they are excited and planning to come. Per my step mom, they would be bringing the infant.

I am super flattered they want to make the trip and am more than happy to host their new baby. I mentioned it to FMIL and FI's aunt. They pointed out how awful it would be if and when the infants start screaming in the middle of the rather intimate ceremony. We have a bridal suite on site so they suggested disallowing infants during the ceremony and arranging for a sitter to watch infants during that time.

This seems like the best suggestion to me; I'd rather not have babies crying while I'm reading my vows. However, tbh I have no kids and I am totally out of my element here. Are there other pitfalls I'm not considering? Will moms be okay leaving their infants for 30 minutes? Is it OK to directly address this issue with the specific guests? I'd appreciate any thoughts.

Re: Infants?

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    edited October 2013
    randerson123 said: My step brother on my mom's side and step sister on my dad's side will both have 2 month old infants when our wedding rolls around. They are both about 900 miles away and honestly I did not expect either to come considering the circumstances. However, stepsister told us they are excited and planning to come. Per my step mom, they would be bringing the infant. I am super flattered they want to make the trip and am more than happy to host their new baby. I mentioned it to FMIL and FI's aunt. They pointed out how awful it would be if and when the infants start screaming in the middle of the rather intimate ceremony. We have a bridal suite on site so they suggested disallowing infants during the ceremony and arranging for a sitter to watch infants during that time. This seems like the best suggestion to me; I'd rather not have babies crying while I'm reading my vows. However, tbh I have no kids and I am totally out of my element here. Are there other pitfalls I'm not considering? Will moms be okay leaving their infants for 30 minutes? Is it OK to directly address this issue with the specific guests? I'd appreciate any thoughts.


    Probably not at two months. And as PP pointed out, at that age they sleep practically all the time. Though incidentally we
    did have a baby cry during our ceremony. Neither of us noticed at the time and were informed after the fact. The baby cried and was immediately taken out of the room by a parent. No disruption whatsoever.
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    You're not giving the parents enough credit. I highly doubt that if their infant started screaming in the middle of the ceremony they would sit there and pretend like it isn't happening. Most parents know to prepare for events like that and they will make sure their baby is comfortable/fed/changed/etc. I would never ask someone to leave their infant with a random stranger just for my wedding ceremony - let alone expecting someone to watch 2 infants!
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    No, you cannot invite the babies and then require them to be in another room with a stranger.  Expect that the parents will take their babies out if they cry during the ceremony.  I don't have kids, but if you told me that I had to leave my hypothetical baby with a stranger because you didn't trust that I would exercise my judgment to take the baby out if necessary, I would be pretty insulted.  Don't listen to your FMIL and your FI's aunt.  

    One thing that might be nice would be to offer the parents of the baby that they could go in the bridal suite during the ceremony if they needed to take the baby out and wanted somewhere more private--not sure if your venue has any other such areas where they could nurse, etc.  Don't tell them they have to stay in there, of course, but just let them know that it will be open to them if it will make them more comfortable.  You said you were initially flattered that they are making the trip--keep going with more of that attitude, less of your FMIL's influence.  
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    My step brother on my mom's side and step sister on my dad's side will both have 2 month old infants when our wedding rolls around. They are both about 900 miles away and honestly I did not expect either to come considering the circumstances. However, stepsister told us they are excited and planning to come. Per my step mom, they would be bringing the infant. I am super flattered they want to make the trip and am more than happy to host their new baby. I mentioned it to FMIL and FI's aunt. They pointed out how awful it would be if and when the infants start screaming in the middle of the rather intimate ceremony. We have a bridal suite on site so they suggested disallowing infants during the ceremony and arranging for a sitter to watch infants during that time. This seems like the best suggestion to me; I'd rather not have babies crying while I'm reading my vows. However, tbh I have no kids and I am totally out of my element here. Are there other pitfalls I'm not considering? Will moms be okay leaving their infants for 30 minutes? Is it OK to directly address this issue with the specific guests? I'd appreciate any thoughts.
    Ok.. first. Are you having your wedding at a church? My church has a sound proof room for kids (and parents) with toys and different activities they can do while still watching the ceremony. Another thing is, your Stepsiblings probably understand the chances of their baby crying and will sit towards the back with him/her so they can sneak out easily if she/he cries. My nephew was at my cousin's wedding and started to fuss, they just slipped out. Honestly, I wouldn't of noticed it but I did because I sat with them. Most likely they will not be happy with the idea of leaving their infants and instead they will show up at the reception or not go at all.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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    If you are inviting the whole family (infant and all) to the wedding, you can't ask that the infant sits the ceremony out. That's the reality of inviting kids to your wedding. 

    The church I grew up in had a sound proof room with a two way mirror that looked out over the sanctuary. The church I go to now has a video system that streams to a kid room. Ask your house of worship about these and see what they have available. 

    You may consider having the ushers seat them toward the back and/or on the outside of their row so that if the baby starts fussing, they can make a quick exit. 
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    If you are inviting the whole family (infant and all) to the wedding, you can't ask that the infant sits the ceremony out. That's the reality of inviting kids to your wedding. 

    The church I grew up in had a sound proof room with a two way mirror that looked out over the sanctuary. The church I go to now has a video system that streams to a kid room. Ask your house of worship about these and see what they have available. 

    You may consider having the ushers seat them toward the back and/or on the outside of their row so that if the baby starts fussing, they can make a quick exit. 


    This is good advice.  I would not banish them to said room, but if it is at all available I would let them know in advance that they can use it and that they won't miss anything if they need to take the baby out of the room.  Of course this will only work if your site offers it to you, so I would definitly check into it. 

    If your site does not have this feature, I would find the nearest (out of ear shot) place that a mother can take her child and let her know it is open to her to use if she needs it.  Just make sure you keep the positive attitude and make it more of an accomodation then demand.  I personally wouldn't worry, I've been to plenty of weddings with little ones and they are never a major distraction.  (at least not suring the ceremony ;P)

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    How many kids are we talking here, and really just little baby infants? Infants aren't nearly disruptive as toddlers. Personally, if there was only going to be 1 or 2 infants at the wedding, because they are newborns of close relatives, I would have a conversation with those close relatives...essentially the point would be "if the baby starts getting loud, please take it out of the room", but it would be under the guise of "here's what's available to you should you need it", unless it was someone I had the kind of relationship with where i could say it upfront!

    My answer, however, is totally different if everyone is invited with children. If that's the case, you just gotta hope the parents aren't assholes who will let them run and scream through the aisle and around the bride and groom during the ceremony. Yes, I saw this happen once. It was the groom's neice. The kid's mom thought it was hilarious because her baby was just soooooo cute. It was the rudest thing I've ever seen. I don't know how the bride didn't stop right there and freak out. 
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    I think you should either invite your relatives' and their babies, invite just the relatives without their children/babies, or don't invite any of them.  I think it is really rude to say "Ok, everyone with babies, please drop them off at ____  with some stranger I hired, so we won't have to deal with them during our ceremony".  Btw. this is coming from someone who doesn't want kids or babies at her wedding, period
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    I don't think you need to worry about babies screaming during the ceremony. Honestly, at 2 months old, they will most likely be sleeping. 
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    My niece came to my ceremony with her 4 month old. During the service the baby did get fussy and start crying a little. Her husband took the baby and left the open area of the church. Our video wasn't video typed so it had no impact on the ceremony.

    For the reception I made sure to account space for the baby at the table figuring my niece would bring in either their stroller or at the very least their baby carrier to put the baby in while she slept and would need space for that.

    It all worked out fine, but to be honest, as cute as she was, I was like I'm not holding her, I was too freaked out that she would throw up on my dress...lol.

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    You do not have to invite babies if you don't want them there.  You'll have to be firm that they're not invited though, and be prepared to accept declines from parents who aren't willing to leave them with sitters.
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    Thanks every one for your input. Unfortunately the ceremony is outdoors so there is no viewing room. The bridal suite is only about 20 yards from the ceremony site though.

    No STDs nor invites have been sent (my mother and step mom have just unofficially invited step relatives despite my requests for them to abstain, that's a whole other story), so FI and I will have to noodle on this one. I'd prefer a child free wedding ... we'll see.
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    Thanks every one for your input. Unfortunately the ceremony is outdoors so there is no viewing room. The bridal suite is only about 20 yards from the ceremony site though. No STDs nor invites have been sent (my mother and step mom have just unofficially invited step relatives despite my requests for them to abstain, that's a whole other story), so FI and I will have to noodle on this one. I'd prefer a child free wedding ... we'll see.
    It is your decision after all, but with the bridal suite nearby I would invite them and let them know that you are leaving it open for them throughout the ceremony and/or reception if they need a quiet space for their babies.
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    I'd be shocked if the babies' parents didn't take them outside if they started screaming or crying loudly, so you don't have to worry about that.  Hubby and I had five guests under 14 months invited to our wedding.  (Lots of cousins had kids in a small time frame!)  Some felt that their babies were too young to be at a wedding (church ceremony, blaring DJ music, late night..) and left them at home.  Others brought them along, and had to watch them all night.  I'd say invite everyone and let the babies' parents take it from there.  Congrats in advance on your wedding! :)
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    There was a 2 month at our wedding - she slept the entire time. I didn't even notice she and another baby were there until the cocktail hour. 

    If you want a child free wedding, that's totally within your right - but be aware, if you don't allow them to bring their children, there is a very good chance they will not be able to attend. As an alternative, you can invite the two babies and no other children. 
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    I had a child cry at our wedding - a two year old. During the ceremony. The infants were all silent. And I noticed but barely. I only remembered when the parents came up to me later and apologized.

    Honestly, it's unavoidable. Just be gracious and don't set odd rules to keep your ceremony silent.
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    You know, I was thinking about having a No Kids wedding until my niece was born and then I changed my mind. I don't know if I will ever have kids; but I love my niece and want her there at the ceremony. She will be turning 1 year a couple of weeks after our wedding day. 

    I have already bid good-bye to micromanaging our wedding day. Kids will cry, buttons will fall off, mascara will run down my face, and I am pretty sure I will fall at some point during the day. 

    But for those who want to do without kids, it's okay too. 

    This just made me laugh out loud! It's true - just go with the flow. I'm pretty sure my nephew will rip off my fake eyelashes like he did after my trial run on my makeup.
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