Bride and Groom on separate pages when it comes to the budget...

sarahtrg

Every girl dreams about her wedding day and all the perfect (usually expensive) things she's going to have until of course she grows up, starts crunching the numbers and realizes just how much it is all going to cost. With that said, I've set myself a reasonable (in my opinion) budget of $10- 12k with the wedding two years off (October 2015). My FI has completely other ideas. He of course says something sweet like "it could just be you and I in jeans and ratty tee shirts and I'd be happy because I'm marrying the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with" and doesn't want to spend more than $5k on the whole shebang. How can we compromise? How can we have the budget conversation without making me feel shallow and like I don't love him enough to marry him in jeans and ratty tees? 

Has anyone else run into this problem with their FI? 

KeptInStitches

Hmm. Perhaps you and your FI could sit down and each list out what you would have in an ideal wedding. What's most important to you? The food? The venue? Having the most guests? Setting some of these as roughly more important than others, then researching prices, could lead to you agreeing on a budget together.

If he won't do it in the context of a wedding, try the most kickass party he would ever throw in his life.

climbingsingle

I sort of had a similar problem. My FI didn't want to spend a lot until we went to the reception venue and met with the wedding coordinator. Since then, he's totally been on board. It also helped that I crunched the numbers and showed him how much money I'd be able to put away towards the wedding each month. 

doeydo

You could list out all things wedding related that you two want, and then prioritize things.  Also, he may not know what everything costs, a good photographer, nice wedding dress, etc., so it might be helpful to "educate" him by showing him what things really do cost.  Also, you said you made a budget, maybe you should show it to him/work on it with him and perhaps come to a little compromise.

WildMagelet

Are the two of you on the same page for October 2015?  If so, you need to sit down together and figure out A) how much you presently have saved that you want to put towards the wedding and how much additional you can save towards the wedding between now and then (per paycheck, monthly, etc.)

Make a list of what each of your top priorities are for your wedding (besides marrying each other, obviously) and compare notes.  Do a little research (either separately or together) and see what the average cost of your "top picks" are in your area.  If you (general) have never hosted a large-scale get together like a wedding in your area before it's likely you don't know what all of the average total costs.

RedJacks25

It's also very possible that he is unaware of how much various things cost wedding-wise. To him, $10k may seem like way too much if he has it in his mind that a decent venue is half the cost of what it really is. I know that my FI was clueless about cost of anything until I started really talking to him about it.

Perhaps have a conversation with him about what he's expecting and what's realistic with his expectations.

casey8784

RedJacks25 said:

It's also very possible that he is unaware of how much various things cost wedding-wise. To him, $10k may seem like way too much if he has it in his mind that a decent venue is half the cost of what it really is. I know that my FI was clueless about cost of anything until I started really talking to him about it. Perhaps have a conversation with him about what he's expecting and what's realistic with his expectations.

This. My FI and I were on different pages at first cause of this. One example: he thought a wedding cake that could feed approx 250 people would be cheap. "I'd never spend more than $50 on a cake!"

...until we went for a cake tasting and realized that many cakes commonly run (in our area) $1000+ for the size we would need...

Perhaps do some research, and show him your findings - not to say that he will think you're lying if you don't have back up, but if he visually sees how much more expensive anything with the word "wedding" attached to it is, he'll more than likely be willing  to spend a bit more...