Inviting co-workers....

khubbard22

I work for a well known worldwide bank. My department however is fairly small (16 people) and everyone is fairly tight-knot as they have worked together most of them for many years. However, I have only been here for 3 months and am not that close with any of my co-workers yet. We are all friendly enough and they know I am engaged and a few of them ask questions about my wedding planning from time to time. I know it will be awkward if I don't do some type of invitation for them, but at the same time I am not going to send out 16 individual invites to their homes because that honestly would probably be more awkward than not inviting them, as I said I am not close too them and some I barely even speak too! I'm also getting married back home (2 states away) and I know none of them will come. Is it okay to just send an office invitation that includes everyone? My fiancé and I plan to have a reception later on back here as well for his family and friends that can't travel either, so should I send an office invitation for that as well? We are getting married in 3 months and are about to send out our invitations so I'm stuck on what to do.

Maggie0829

If you aren't close to them then why invite them at all?

freebread03

Don't invite them.  If you're not close enough to ask for their home address, you aren't close enough to be inviting them to your wedding.

khubbard22

I feel like it might be awkward if I don't. Like I said they all know I am engaged and ask questions about the wedding planning, my fiancé, etc... But since it's such a tight knit department, I can't just invite the few who I am closer to and talk wedding stuff with and leave out everyone else. That's why I figured maybe just an office invitation and then an invite to our local reception for the ones who would like to come. Thanks for all your input!

southernbelle0915

khubbard22 said:

I feel like it might be awkward if I don't. Like I said they all know I am engaged and ask questions about the wedding planning, my fiancé, etc... But since it's such a tight knit department, I can't just invite the few who I am closer to and talk wedding stuff with and leave out everyone else. That's why I figured maybe just an office invitation and then an invite to our local reception for the ones who would like to come. Thanks for all your input!

People get excited about weddings in general and ask questions. Just keep your answers super generic and don't talk about your wedding.

If you feel like it's all or nothing, then invite them and budget for it. Personally, I don't mix personal and professional so I wouldn't invite any of them (especially if I wasn't close to them), but it's up to you.

SunriseAmber

I wouldn't invite them either. They could just be asking to be polite or they are just trying to get to know you. If you really feel the need to invite them then they should all get individual invitations.

AroundTheBlock

In general it is good standard etiquette to have close collegial relationships with your colleagues and keep those relationships on a professional, businesslike basis; and to have warm social relationships with your friends and family and keep those relationships on a social basis. It is possible to be close friends with someone and find yourself working in the same industry, but then you must keep careful neutrality in work situations and leave the friendliness for non-work hours and places. In the same way it is possible to become close friends with a colleague, but there also etiquette requires that you leave the shop-talk at the office and interact as friends when you are at social events together. Using social events as business networking opportunities is poor manners.

A wedding is a social event, not a place for building office relationships. If you think of someone and the first term that comes to mind to describe them is "co-worker", then it is a standard-etiquette best practice to NOT invite them to your wedding.

 

Dreamergirl8812

None of my colleagues are invited to my wedding. I don't like to mix that my two worlds. But today I spent quite a bit of time talking to one of them about my wedding (and hers 17 years ago). I never bring it up, and when she does, it's not in a "where's my invite?" sort of way.

I feel absolutely no pressure to invite them. My wedding is small though, so I think that helps avoid any awkwardness.

cowgirl8238

AroundTheBlock said:

A wedding is a social event, not a place for building office relationships. If you think of someone and the first term that comes to mind to describe them is "co-worker", then it is a standard-etiquette best practice to NOT invite them to your wedding.

 

This exactly.  I would never invite any of my "co-workers" past or present to my wedding.  I am however, asking a friend of mine who I worked with and have maintained a releationship outside of work to attend.  If I have your personal phone number, and see you outside the office you are no longer a "co-worker" and are a "friend"  but thats just how I look at it!

ei34

Don't invite them.  I know you might feel awkward not inviting them, but I'm sure they'll feel awkward saying no...traveling two states away for someone they met a few months ago?  If you have to question a guest being invited, lean towards no.  Especially because there are 16 of them (plus their SO's?)...that's a lot of people not very close to the couple at a wedding.

In the end go with your gut instinct.  Decisions like these can be tricky.  Best of luck and congrats in advance on your wedding day!

Maggie0829

khubbard22 said:

I feel like it might be awkward if I don't. Like I said they all know I am engaged and ask questions about the wedding planning, my fiancé, etc... But since it's such a tight knit department, I can't just invite the few who I am closer to and talk wedding stuff with and leave out everyone else. That's why I figured maybe just an office invitation and then an invite to our local reception for the ones who would like to come. Thanks for all your input!

I didn't invite anyone I worked with and I had been at my company for a year and a half at that point.  I worked pretty closely with about 10 people.  I didn't feel bad nor was it awkward to not invite them.  People understand that you can't invite the whole world to your wedding and I really think that your co-workers who you have known for only 3 months will understand why they weren't invited to your wedding.

Yes, they know that you are engaged and most likely ask about your wedding because they know that is a big thing in your life right now.  But just because they do this does not warrant them an invitation.

And I will say again, that if you do decide to invite some or all of your co-workers then you should all invite them by individual invitations sent to their homes.

Blue_Bird

It's ridiculous to invite them. You aren't close friends. Trust me, they aren't as excited to come to your wedding as the are just excited about weddings in general, and someone they know getting married.

However, if you insist on inviting them, then you have to mail invitations to their homes inviting them and their significant others. Anything else (especially what you're suggesting) would be rude and insulting.