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Wedding is OOT, does there need to be a "Hometown" reception?

phalendesignphalendesign member
First Anniversary First Comment
edited October 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello,

I've been back and forth about this topic for the past couple of weeks. Curious if any brides have been in a similar situation and could give any advice on how they approached it?

Originally, I'm from southern Iowa, but my fiance and I live in central Minnesota. We have decided to get married in Minnesota, which makes it a 5 hour drive for my family. We will be having a large wedding and reception in Minnesota, but curious if we should host a smaller (and laid back) reception in Iowa for my family and friends who aren't able to attend? Assuming not everyone will be able to make the trip due to finances and the distance. 

Any advice on etiquette would be appreciated. Thank you! 


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Re: Wedding is OOT, does there need to be a "Hometown" reception?

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    Thank you all for the quick responses! You've all really put it into perspective for me and brought up some truly great points. Appreciate all the feedback ladies! 
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    Well, offering guests hospitality is a polite and virtuous thing to do. You can do it any time you want to (and can afford to), with Etiquette's full approval. You can even call it a "reception" if you wish, since from the perspective of standard etiquette a "reception" is any afternoon event where a hostess
    "receives" guests (quixotically, the same event in the evening would be called a "salon"). But in this case I recommend against it, not because a five-hour drive is easy or feasible, but because southern Iowa is no longer your home and it isn't really an out-of-towner's place to set herself up to "receive" local inhabitants.

    That being said, if I were your mother (or great-aunt, since I don't really identify with motherhood) then I would try to arrange with you to have a free afternoon the first time post-wedding that you and your husband come into town, and invite you as guests-of-honour to a reception at my home.That way I could offer the local family and friends who didn't get to attend your Minnesota wedding, an opportunity to congratulate you if they wish.

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    How do threads get deemed "answered?"



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    How do threads get deemed "answered?"
    It's my understanding that it's something that the OP can do.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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    There's no requirement that there has to be an in-town celebration if the wedding is out-of-town.

    If you do this, though, only people invited to the out-of-town wedding should be invited to the in-town celebration.  Otherwise, to invite people to the in-town celebration who aren't invited to the wedding smacks of "Nya, nya, you are good enough to invite to an auxiliary event and expect a gift from, but not to celebrate the main underlying event."  Even if you don't intend to convey this, that's how it can come across.
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    How do threads get deemed "answered?"

    When you open a thread, it can be a discussion or a question; there is a drop down. If it's a question, then the replies are answers. One, or more, can be best answers.
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    You don't have to have one if you don't want to.  We didn't want one.  We turned my Mom's offer down for 6 months before we finally caved.  She hosted an open house style "Meet the Married Couple" in the backyard.  There were appies, pop, wine and beer.  The only people who were invited where those who were invited to the wedding, and I don't think anyone who went to the wedding actually came, other than my immediate family.  Why would they??  They celebrated with us when we got married.  They're not necessary if you don't want one.  

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    scribe95 said:

    I often wonder if these secondary "receptions" work against a couple. Since people know there will be another opportunity why bother?

    This. A friend of mine who desperately wanted a southern type wedding in her home state of TN got forced into having a second Chicago reception by her bitch of a MIL. Her wedding was poorly attended by the groom's side thanks to it. Needless to say she and her hubby have been trying to put distance between themselves and his overbearing, snobby parents.

    Generally I just don't see the point usually in multiple receptions, but family reunions are useful for introducing new spouses.
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