+Friend? RANT

ladymike

Am I the only one who thinks is TOTALLY FREAKIN' WEIRD to bring a friend for your +1? One of my bridesmaids is having issues with her fiance` and told me she doesn't know if he's coming and might just bring a friend. But, she's not sure. She'll try to let me know.

#1 - Don't people understand that the freakin' RSVP date was 2 weeks ago?

#2 - Don't people understand that I need a name and food choice for said "friend" and that it should have been done 2 weeks ago?

Things happen, I get it. But, your +1 should be a date. I'm sorry, that's how I feel. Maybe if she didn't know anyone at the wedding and was single; I could understand that. But, she'll know lots of people there. Why bring a random friend? It's like she's just inviting someone else.

Also, we are inviting significant others/spouses/dates of the wedding party to the rehearsal & rehearsal dinner. But, I told her she can't just bring some random friend around for that, or for getting ready, or for pictures. Like, this is my wedding? And y'all were chosen because we are close friends and I know your boyfriends and it's our group. I don't want random friends of people hanging around. I hate to be a big bridezilla like that, but I am about this type of stuff. I want to spend my day with the important people. This isn't a freakin' free-for-all.

I think I'm just under all of this last minute stress. BUUUHHH. I'm feeling better now. Haha!

vainemerald

ladymike I attended a wedding last summer and my boyfriend (now FH) had to work. The bride knew the friend I wanted to bring and she was okay with it. I wasn't in the wedding party and maybe that is the difference. You are right your wedding isn't a free for all. But understand you are going to be so busy being the center of attention that having an acquaintance there for one of your bridesmaids might not even be a concern once the festivities get going. She will have someone to hang with that isn't being a jerk... ie: her fiancé. What's up with that anyway? I agree she should not be invited to the RD.  

ladymike

I think that's what bothers me the most - the whole fiance` thing. The whole situation is ridiculous, she's not acting appropriately, and I guess I'm irritated that she's just ditching him behind once again when he didn't do anything wrong.

But, you're right, I probably won't notice and it really is the least of my worries. Time to focus on the more important things!

 

vainemerald

ladymike It's kinda sad to say but I look at couples like that and am so thankful me and mine aren't that way! Have you tried talking to her about her situation? If their engagement is like this who knows how they marriage will be! Maybe she needs a shoulder to cry on? Not that you don't have enough going on. But maybe you can help her see that not bringing her fiancé to your wedding is a big deal. Not because of what you think but because that may do serious damage to their relationship.

thejucheidea

I've taken a friend as a plus one before... my fiance (at the time, boyfriend) was working, so the bride said it was totally cool for me to bring one of my friends. We all had a great time!

HisGirlFriday13

ladymike said:

Am I the only one who thinks is TOTALLY FREAKIN' WEIRD to bring a friend for your +1? One of my bridesmaids is having issues with her fiance` and told me she doesn't know if he's coming and might just bring a friend. But, she's not sure. She'll try to let me know.

#1 - Don't people understand that the freakin' RSVP date was 2 weeks ago?

#2 - Don't people understand that I need a name and food choice for said "friend" and that it should have been done 2 weeks ago?

Things happen, I get it. But, your +1 should be a date. I'm sorry, that's how I feel. Maybe if she didn't know anyone at the wedding and was single; I could understand that. But, she'll know lots of people there. Why bring a random friend? It's like she's just inviting someone else.

Also, we are inviting significant others/spouses/dates of the wedding party to the rehearsal & rehearsal dinner. But, I told her she can't just bring some random friend around for that, or for getting ready, or for pictures. Like, this is my wedding? And y'all were chosen because we are close friends and I know your boyfriends and it's our group. I don't want random friends of people hanging around. I hate to be a big bridezilla like that, but I am about this type of stuff. I want to spend my day with the important people. This isn't a freakin' free-for-all.

I think I'm just under all of this last minute stress. BUUUHHH. I'm feeling better now. Haha!

1. If your RSVP deadline was two weeks ago, when is your wedding? How soon do you absolutely have to know?

2. Tell your friend, "You're welcome to bring a friend instead of your FI, but I need to know who you are bringing and what they will be eating by X date." If she doesn't give you that, then write out the escort card "BM's Guest," and pick whichever dinner option you want to feed them. You can only be so reasonable before you're being too reasonable.

3. Her not wanting to bring her FI and wanting to bring a friend instead speaks volumes -- if she and her FI are having problems to the point that she might not bring him, she probably doesn't really want to spend the whole day around lovey-dovey couples and feel all alone; having a friend will alleviate that. Let this one go.

shannie11

I think it is rude that it is a late response.  I do no think it is rude that she is bringing a plus one.  Maybe her and her fiance are having problems or he just doesnt want to go, you don't know.  I would just be happy that she is coming.  I want all my guests to have a GREAT time.  If they end up bringing a friend in order to do that who cares you were already paying for that plate anyways!

schellzinator

I agree with Shannie.  It sounds like your bridesmaid might be going through some tough times right now with her fiance and could use some friend support. 

My guess is everything will be great on your wedding day and you probably won't even notice the friend! And at the end of the day you are marrying your best friend! WOO HOO!

SewInLoveWithDMB

OP - I'm with you. I'd let it go, but it would irk me as well. 

ladymike

The issues have been going on for awhile. It's something we all have been coaching her through for months. I do feel bad, and I guess I'm not necessarily opposed to anyone bringing a friend, but I'm just having a hard time with WHY she's bringing a friend and the fact that she's not respecting my deadlines.

BUT, THEN AGAIN, it is only ONE escort card. I can edit if I need to, or just put "& Guest." Not the end of the world. If the guest gets the chicken and whines because I never got a response, OH WELL, TOUGH CRAP, EAT YOUR FREE MEAL.

I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE PERRRRFECT!!!!!!!! (I'm kidding. That's insane.)

I'm over it! Moving on to the fun stuff.. like.. how I'm going to fit in my dress in 16 days! (Woops..)

vainemerald

ladymike sounds like we have the same wedding date!! Yay!! What do you mean fit into your dress? I hadn't even thought of that because last time I tried it on, about a month ago, mine fit perfectly. I had posted about a bridesmaid not fitting into her dress a while back. Well she has been doing no carbs for week and lost 10 pounds! I am not really into crash diets but if it is a last resort why not! Good luck! Oh and I commend you for taking the high road with your bridesmaid and her choice to exclude her fiancé.

jerseychic24

I would let it go. Let her bring her fiend but agree with the others there should be a deadline for what she wants to eat otherwise shes stuck with whatever the FI order IMO

Dont stress over ityou wont notice the guest being there