Honeymoon Registry

carly324

We were going back and forth about dong a honeymoon registry but FINALLY decided to just go ahead and do it. We moved into our new home this past April so we have a home full of new stuff.  When we went to register we realized we already had SO much of what was needed. Of course we found items to register for, but because we already have a lot we wanted to do this honeymoon fund.  Any tips on how to do this?  Can we only go through a website where people can contribute to hotels/excursions?  Thanks in advance!!

KatWAG

carly324 said:

We were going back and forth about dong a honeymoon registry but FINALLY decided to just go ahead and do it. We moved into our new home this past April so we have a home full of new stuff.  When we went to register we realized we already had SO much of what was needed. Of course we found items to register for, but because we already have a lot we wanted to do this honeymoon fund.  Any tips on how to do this?  Can we only go through a website where people can contribute to hotels/excursions?  Thanks in advance!!

Please read the 1000 threads on this exact topic. HM funds are tacky. It is asking your guest for money. Why dont you create a small registy and then when that fills up and a guest asks you about it say "we are saving for X"

HM fund companies take a cut of the amount given anyway. Wouldnt you rather have the whoel check for $100 and not end up getting $93? Not to mention, they are deceitful. Your guests are not actually buying you a zipline tour or a massage.

Save your money and have a HM that you can afford without counting on money from your guests.

carly324

Thanks for the advice. It's not that we can not afford our honeymoon- otherwise we wouldn't have selected it in the first place.  We just dont want a gift to have and return.  I would rather something that we can appreciate.  I could care less if everyone showed up with nothing... but i know my mom and bridesmaids will be asked what to get if we have nothing left on registry.  

Appreciate your advice.  We are still going to go ahead with this though.

KatWAG

carly324 said:

Thanks for the advice. It's not that we can not afford our honeymoon- otherwise we wouldn't have selected it in the first place.  We just dont want a gift to have and return.  I would rather something that we can appreciate.  I could care less if everyone showed up with nothing... but i know my mom and bridesmaids will be asked what to get if we have nothing left on registry.  

Appreciate your advice.  We are still going to go ahead with this though.

You are going to have things to return/ exchange, no matter what. A HM registry doesnt fix that.

To the bolded: why can't your family say you are saving for X? People will get the hint that you want cash.

carly324

ok. thank you KatWAG for your advice.  I feel like asking for cash is even worse.  anyhow.. thanks 

Maggie0829

carly324 said:

Thanks for the advice. It's not that we can not afford our honeymoon- otherwise we wouldn't have selected it in the first place.  We just dont want a gift to have and return.  I would rather something that we can appreciate.  I could care less if everyone showed up with nothing... but i know my mom and bridesmaids will be asked what to get if we have nothing left on registry.  

Appreciate your advice.  We are still going to go ahead with this though.

So you are really okay with losing out on money?  Because that is exactly what you will be doing. Why in the world would anyone be okay with only getting $93 when they could get the full $100 if they didn't use a HM registry?  That to me is ridiculous.  

Think about it.  Say you invite 150 couples to your wedding.  And each couple gives you $100 in cash or check in a card.  You will end up with $7500.  Fabulous right?  Well what if those 150 couples decided to give you $100 through a HM registry where a fee of say $7 is taken out of each of the gifts.  You now end up with $6975.  So you LOSE OUT on $525.  Is that what you really want to have happen?

And I won't even get into the fact that HM registries are rude to your guests.

Maggie0829

carly324 said:

ok. thank you KatWAG for your advice.  I feel like asking for cash is even worse.  anyhow.. thanks 

But you aren't asking for cash.  When people ask where you are registered you say "oh we are registered at X and Y and we are also trying to save up for Z."  That is not asking for cash.  Asking for cash would sound like "Oh we would just prefer the green stuff" or "We really want money."

And a HM registry is asking for money because in the end what you get is a check.  No excursions booked, no dinners reserved, nothing physical, just a paper check that you can then cash and use however you wish.

carly324

good to know..  i dont know a whole lot about this so thanks for the tips.  If i know that even one guest was treated rude I would be . thanks for the help!

photokitty

We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always useful and preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use HM registries. The people who use HM registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. You you will ACTUALLY receive that massage, not a credit on your bill and if you decide you can get the massage or take the excursion.

For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) A HM is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!

MNVegas

Asking for cash in any way is inappropriate. A honeymoon registry is a cash registry and a direct request for a cash gift no matter how you try to disguise it. So guess what? Rude. 

People already know cash is a great gift and will give it if they want to. You do not need to ask for it. Agree w/others who said do a small registry and guests will get the hint that cash is appreciated. If someone asks you directly say you are registered at store X but also saving for HM.

Have a great wedding and honeymoon!

mimiphin

If you only have a HM registry or no registry, I won't give you a gift(cash, or a card, or anything!). If I want to give you money that is my choice, I dont want to be forced into it.

photokitty

mimiphin said:

If you only have a HM registry or no registry, I won't give you a gift(cash, or a card, or anything!). If I want to give you money that is my choice, I dont want to be forced into it.

No one is forcing anyone - You are never forced to give a gift. Not registering does not force you to give cash. We chose not to register as it was the second wedding for both of us and gifts were not expected - but then they never should be.

If I care about the couple I will still give them a gift even if they only have a HM registry (and I'll just secretly think to myself that they are tacky). 

You can always pick out a gift you think the couple would like. When asked we simply said we didn't register and if they pressed we said - if you would like to give us a gift you can pick something out for us, but it's not necessary. 

carly324

thats nice. thanks.  after everyone's advice guess we are tacky.

KatWAG

carly324 said:

thats nice. thanks.  after everyone's advice guess we are tacky.

it's not cute to be tacky.

itzMS

KatWAG said:

@carly324 said:

thats nice. thanks.  after everyone's advice guess we are tacky.

it's not cute to be tacky.

It's also not cute to rip off your guests by their gift to you being cut by fees when they don't know it.

carly324

FYI.. i am probably the least tackiest person. But again. thanks.

chibiyui

JoanE2012

carly324 said:

FYI.. i am probably the least tackiest person. But again. thanks.

Are you doing the HM registry?  If so, you just lost your "least tackiest person" status.

Seriously, just have a small registry.  Those that want to buy physical gifts will have the option to do so.  Those that want to give a monetary gift will do so regardless.  Don't even give them the option of a honeymoon gift.  

Why in the world would you want to give a company 7% or so in fees when, if the option is not there, people would just write you a check and you'll get the full amount!

carly324

ok ok.... i heard all of you... we talked about it last night and are taking all of your "expert" advice... we are doing just so... NNNNOOOO HM registry.  just keeping our registry small and as it.  

thanks for the advice.. 

ElcaB

southernbelle0915

carly324 said:

thats nice. thanks.  after everyone's advice guess we are tacky.

No you're not. You just didn't know any better. The wedding industry tries to disguise stuff like honeymoon registries as nice ways of asking for cash, but it's just lipstick on a pig. KWIM? Now you know! These ladies taught me a bunch also. 

Here's what you can do to avoid this: Create a small registry. If you don't need the typical stuff, register on Amazon. We did this and got stuff like a backpacking tent, other camping stuff, etc. We also had a Macy's registry for towels, sheets and other stuff that we knew we'd need now and down the road. 

If you create just a small registry with a few things and people ask you where you're registered/what you want, you can say "well, we have a small registry at _____ but we're saving for a down payment on a house." You're not asking for cash and people understand.

Also, keep in mind that if you don't have boxed gift registry, you can't have a shower (showers are for boxed gifts). So if anyone wants to throw you a shower, you'll need to create a registry anyway.

Good luck!

atlastmrsg

Don't be discouraged by all the people who tell you it's tacky.  It's YOUR wedding, so be happy and do what is best for you and your hubby to be.  Just today, one of the articles on theknot's homepage was the 10 etiquette rules that are outdated.  This very topic was mentioned.  Theknot certainly doesn't tell you no.

I hope many guests contribute to your honeymoon registry, and enable you to have the honeymoon of your dreams.  You'll remember the honeymoon of your dreams a lot more than whoever calls you "tacky" on an anonymous message board.

 

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/planning-a-wedding/articles/10-wedding-rules-you-can-break.aspx?page=3

itzMS

SAHoehle said:

Don't be discouraged by all the people who tell you it's tacky.  It's YOUR wedding, so be happy and do what is best for you and your hubby to be.  Just today, one of the articles on theknot's homepage was the 10 etiquette rules that are outdated.  This very topic was mentioned.  Theknot certainly doesn't tell you no.

I hope many guests contribute to your honeymoon registry, and enable you to have the honeymoon of your dreams.  You'll remember the honeymoon of your dreams a lot more than whoever calls you "tacky" on an anonymous message board.

 

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/planning-a-wedding/articles/10-wedding-rules-you-can-break.aspx?page=3

Oh Christ on a bike.

This same article says it's okay to not host your guests for a dinner if you have a rehearsal.

The Knot said it, so it must be okay!

jneen101

No.

KatWAG

SAHoehle said:

Don't be discouraged by all the people who tell you it's tacky.  It's YOUR wedding, so be happy and do what is best for you and your hubby to be.  Just today, one of the articles on theknot's homepage was the 10 etiquette rules that are outdated.  This very topic was mentioned.  Theknot certainly doesn't tell you no.

I hope many guests contribute to your honeymoon registry, and enable you to have the honeymoon of your dreams.  You'll remember the honeymoon of your dreams a lot more than whoever calls you "tacky" on an anonymous message board.

 

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/planning-a-wedding/articles/10-wedding-rules-you-can-break.aspx?page=3

You are a lost cause.

carly324

i'm a lost cause?????  you are on here ALL DAY!! i have 2 days that i have free to be on here and you are ALL OVER these boards..

KatWAG

carly324 said:

i'm a lost cause?????  you are on here ALL DAY!! i have 2 days that i have free to be on here and you are ALL OVER these boards..

Slow your roll. I wasnt referencing you, that is why I quoted SAH.

mimiphin

KatWAG said:

SAHoehle said:

Don't be discouraged by all the people who tell you it's tacky.  It's YOUR wedding, so be happy and do what is best for you and your hubby to be.  Just today, one of the articles on theknot's homepage was the 10 etiquette rules that are outdated.  This very topic was mentioned.  Theknot certainly doesn't tell you no.

I hope many guests contribute to your honeymoon registry, and enable you to have the honeymoon of your dreams.  You'll remember the honeymoon of your dreams a lot more than whoever calls you "tacky" on an anonymous message board.

 

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/planning-a-wedding/articles/10-wedding-rules-you-can-break.aspx?page=3

You are a lost cause. Agreed!

Oh sweet jesus!

The Knot is in the business of making money, "We" are in the business of telling you if you are following etiquette and if your guests will/will not feel offended.

Maggie0829

SAHoehle said:

Don't be discouraged by all the people who tell you it's tacky.  It's YOUR wedding, so be happy and do what is best for you and your hubby to be.  Just today, one of the articles on theknot's homepage was the 10 etiquette rules that are outdated.  This very topic was mentioned.  Theknot certainly doesn't tell you no.

I hope many guests contribute to your honeymoon registry, and enable you to have the honeymoon of your dreams.  You'll remember the honeymoon of your dreams a lot more than whoever calls you "tacky" on an anonymous message board.

 

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/planning-a-wedding/articles/10-wedding-rules-you-can-break.aspx?page=3

If you want to be rude to your guests by all means do whatever you want, but it would be nice if you stop giving out such horrid advice to other posters.

Dreamergirl8812

carly324 said:

i'm a lost cause?????  you are on here ALL DAY!! i have 2 days that i have free to be on here and you are ALL OVER these boards..

Why are you getting shrill?

Jen4948

carly324 said:

i'm a lost cause?????  you are on here ALL DAY!! i have 2 days that i have free to be on here and you are ALL OVER these boards..

No, you aren't a lost cause.  The reference was to a different poster.