Few questions.

Aschive

1) What does OLW and AW and all those other things mean?

2) How is everyone's week going?

3) Is it bad to start a fight, break up with BF, then want to get back together?

4) When is it over? The second you say it is or after the talk about what to do next? Regarding apartment lease, joint possessions, fishies, etc.

More info about 3. I didn't mean to start a fight but I had all these emotions swirling in my brain and I kind of exploded on my BF over the phone, text message, facebook message. All sorts of my crazy psycho girl came out. Well I called it off and he started apologizing saying he would change the points I brought up. But at the time I felt like I was at my breaking point, when now I am not sure what I feel. I really do love him and I am missing him like crazy, I also feel bad because he did nothing to deserve the sh*t storm (excuse my french) that I unleashed. He doesn't want to talk about it yet, and there are things that we need to discuss before everything is final. He hasn't really made conversation, and I consider ourselves broken up at the moment. But I don't know if I want to be yet. I know this is making me sound immature, I just want to know your thoughts.

Shiroyasha

1.) OLW means Open Letter Wednesday.  I don't remember what AW means though, so I can't help you with that one.

 

2.) It's not bad, thanks for asking.  How is yours besides what's going on with your SO?

3.) It's not the end of the world, but it's not great. I think it's normal for you to want to get back together, but please think it over after a few days.  From what I read in your post, I think you two might have communication issues that need to be ironed out if you consider getting back together.  If he doesn't want to discuss things either way, it's probably not a great idea to get back together at this point in time.  Communication is important in relationships and you get the explosion of feelings & thoughts when you don't talk.  

4.) I believe it's over when you say it is over.  And make sure you're both on the same page about when it's over.  The last thing you want is for him to believe it's over as soon as you say it's over and then you think it'll be over once you've had the final talk or vice versa.  That way there will be no messy mistakes that only add fuel to the fire.

I'm sorry about you and your BF.  I really hope you can fix things.  I hope you both can learn to communicate properly so that your crazy psycho girl doesn't come out anymore (but don't worry, I'm sure we all have moments like that in our lifetimes).  But seriously, when you have a thought or feeling that should be shared, please share it.  Bottling up your emotions isn't healthy.

Blackbird230

1) Open Letter Wednesday (I believe) and Attention Whore.

2) Week is so busy with a new editor at the helm, but I'm enjoying it. 

3) Probably? There's a lot to that. Give him the space that he needs to process. 

4) When you say you're over, you possibly are defriended on Facebook, pictures get deleted and stuff gets sent back. No idea about the lease and stuff. 

Aschive

@Shiroyasha, Thanks! My week has been ok. I went home to visit and ended up having to bake something for my little sister's volleyball fundraiser and I ended up messing up 2 cakes! That is so not like me. I am normally pretty good at baking. Oh well. I ended up making almond bark breast cancer ribbons! I think they are cute.

As far as him not talking he says he doesn't know what he wants to do at this moment, or where we stand. So I am just trying to give him space for now. Hopefully this weekend he will have been able to think about things and we can talk it out. Bottling it up is something that I really need to work on!

lennonkdc

Aschive said:

1) What does OLW and AW and all those other things mean? OLW is Open Letter Wednesday; AW is Attention Whore and I'm not sure about the other things you're referring to...

2) How is everyone's week going? Its going ok, my Indians lost last night so thats a bummer...

3) Is it bad to start a fight, break up with BF, then want to get back together? I wouldn't say its 'bad' per se, but I would take a day or two to think over why I started the fight, why I wanted to break up and why I wanted to get back together...

4) When is it over? The second you say it is or after the talk about what to do next? Regarding apartment lease, joint possessions, fishies, etc. I don't think there is a 'bright line' test for when its over, at least not like in HS. It ends in stages, and if both parties want to try again then thats cool too. 

More info about 3. I didn't mean to start a fight but I had all these emotions swirling in my brain and I kind of exploded on my BF over the phone, text message, facebook message. All sorts of my crazy psycho girl came out. Well I called it off and he started apologizing saying he would change the points I brought up. But at the time I felt like I was at my breaking point, when now I am not sure what I feel. I really do love him and I am missing him like crazy, I also feel bad because he did nothing to deserve the sh*t storm (excuse my french) that I unleashed. He doesn't want to talk about it yet, and there are things that we need to discuss before everything is final. He hasn't really made conversation, and I consider ourselves broken up at the moment. But I don't know if I want to be yet. I know this is making me sound immature, I just want to know your thoughts.

I'm sorry that you're hurting and that you 'hit a breaking point'. It hard to know when something is over, or if your just 'over' the way things have been. I know when I was your age I was engaged to my HS BF. I transfer colleges to be with him after my first year, and we thought being able to be together was going to be awesome. In the end it wasn't b/c as much as we loved each other we just had so much more life we needed to live on our own before we could commit to anyone. It ended up being a long break up, full of talks about what would change (then it didn't) who was to blame (no one) and making up/breaking up. In the end it was over when he started seeing someone else (and I slept with his old roommate, definitely not my finest hour) but I think it took the better part of 6-9 months for the relationship to burn itself out. At the time I could not fathom my life without him (hence the contestant getting back together) but as time passed I developed my own interests, I grew up, and then I met FI. 

I think you need sometime to think through everything, figure out what you want out of life at this point. Its natural to miss a person who's been such a big part of your life, but that will subside with time. It might be time to start asking the big questions 'Does this person make a better person?'/ "Do I make this person want to be a better person?' "Is this person supportive of my dreams/goals?" "I'm I willing to be supportive of this persons dreams/goals?" "Is my happiness important to this person/ Is their happiness important to me?" IMHO the best way to be happy in a relationship is when you both want to be a better person b/c of the other, both support the dreams and goals of the other and make the other person's happiness a priority. 

I know break ups are hard, so we are all here if you need us!

CLoGreenEyes

Aschive said:

@Shiroyasha, Thanks! My week has been ok. I went home to visit and ended up having to bake something for my little sister's volleyball fundraiser and I ended up messing up 2 cakes! That is so not like me. I am normally pretty good at baking. Oh well. I ended up making almond bark breast cancer ribbons! I think they are cute.

As far as him not talking he says he doesn't know what he wants to do at this moment, or where we stand. So I am just trying to give him space for now. Hopefully this weekend he will have been able to think about things and we can talk it out. Bottling it up is something that I really need to work on!

Now that you know what AW means, will you do that with your fancy desserts? That sounds really pretty and tasty!

As for your last couple of questions, first, I am sorry to hear that you guys are fighting and are reaching a point of uncertainty in your relationship. I think it sounds like there are some things you have been reconsidering for a while about your relationship, so while it probably wasn't the greatest thing to unleash it all at once, it is a sign that something definitely needs to change.

3) Is it bad to start a fight, break up with BF, then want to get back together? So, picking fights would be a bad thing, but I think it's somewhat natural to question what you really want after reaching this point with your BF. You can reach an impasse where you love somebody but, no matter what you do, there isn't a solution to your problems that lets both of you win. So I am curious about the issues that were upsetting you so much and what has been done to correct them before, what he is promising now, etc.

4) When is it over? The second you say it is or after the talk about what to do next? Regarding apartment lease, joint possessions, fishies, etc. This is a tough one. You can make the decision to be over (and he may not reach that point at the same time as you do, but YOU need to be clear on where you stand and not waiver on it), but there may still be things you have to deal with afterward such as the lease, your pets, your possessions, etc. I would discuss the relationship and the break-up first and then figure out the details.

Once again, I am really sorry you are dealing with this. It is never a good feeling to break up with somebody and can be a lonely and confusing time. Please give yourself the chance to think and remind yourself what's going on in your head. It's hard when you're talking to somebody you love to remember why you feel the way you do; you just want the conflict to end. I am a fan of journaling and writing out how I feel and why I feel that way. It either justifies the way you are feeling and your actions, or can help you realize that maybe there is a better solution than your gut reaction (picking a fight and breaking up).

I broke up with BF in much the same way you did in the first year of our relationship (twice, actually - we took a couple tries to get it right, lol). I had bottled up a lot of things because I didn't think that he would actually want to compromise and work with me on the issues I was having. When we broke up, there was no relief whatsoever on my part, and I immediately knew it had been a mistake. BF and I both immediately wanted to pretend it never happened, but we knew we had to take time to communicate, think about what we wanted, and decide how we were going to handle the original issues. I also created a lot of distrust in the relationship by not having an actual conversation with him and instead immediately thinking we needed to end it, so that took some time to work past. It really was all about taking the time to talk to each other and, more importantly, to listen. So much heartache could have been saved had we been willing to communicate that way, instead of letting things fester.

I tell you this simply to illustrate that talking, not fighting, is key to having closure about your decision, whatever it may be. You will want to know that you gave the relationship a fair chance and considered it with your brain, not just your emotions. If you can do that, it will help you feel much better about your decision, regardless of whether you and your BF decide to get back together or remain apart. So take the time he is thinking to do your own. Good luck with this tough situation, we are here for you!

loves2shop4shoes

1) What does OLW and AW and all those other things mean?

OLW = Open Letter Wednesday
AW= Attention Whore
GBCK = Goodbye Cruel Knot
HTH= Hope that helps
JMO= Just my opinion
IMO= In my opinion

and one I think you should personally know.... DTMFA= Dump the Motherfucker Already

2) How is everyone's week going?

Eh.

3) Is it bad to start a fight, break up with BF, then want to get back together?

Yes.  It's called a break up because it's broken.  Don't go running back.

4) When is it over? The second you say it is or after the talk about what to do next? Regarding apartment lease, joint possessions, fishies, etc.

It's over when you keep having the same fights over and over again.  It's over when something needs to change and that can't or won't happen.  It's over when you can't agree over your non-negotiables.  It's over whenever there's abuse.

Aschive

@Amapola14 The issues that have been bugging me the longest is that he used to be all cutesy and write cute messages on my Facebook, and text messages, and then all of a sudden it stopped. He doesn't ever compliment me. 

He doesn't take me on dates. Our first date was to a Subway sandwich shop, and then to a beach/park thing. Our second date we went on was for our 2 year anniversary. We go out together to eat but it is always fast food and if I suggest anything else he says we can't really afford it, or we take his friends along. And most of the time we just sit there and don't talk because he isn't much of a talker and there isn't anything to talk about.

If we are with his friends he ignores me. We have talked about this one and he said he feels rude when he talks to me since we are together all the time, and he only sees his friends once a week.

He is always trying to play with my boobs. I tell him no and he does it anyway. I usually end up feeling like his personal sex doll when this happens.

He will not take the time to answer my questions. He says it is because I always want to talk about the same things. Well hello! If he would answer them the first time I wouldn't have to keep asking for answers.

He refuses to text me when I am not with him and he is with his friends. This is a topic I need to work on myself, he deserves time alone. But yet he will text his friends when I am with him.

Finally the big one that irks me the most! He will wake up in the morning, and until he goes to work, he will be on his ipod. On facebook, listening to songs, looking up car parts to spend money on. We hardly ever talk or have conversations. He gets home from work it is the same thing until we go to bed. Then he takes the Ipod with him and listens to music while I am trying to sleep. I want him to pay attention to me, I have to tell him everything 2 or 3 times. He even got my birthday wrong the last time I asked him!

He has said he will work on all of these things before, and the only one he improved on was he would sit by me while at his friend's house. He said he can fix all of those things. I told him that I have heard all of that before, and that I think I am at my breaking point. He just said, "Sorry I'm sh*tty and I am not good enough for you." That was pretty much the last solid conversation we have had since the fight 2 nights ago.

As far as my creations I did not get any pictures of them before I bagged them and got them to the school for her

CLoGreenEyes

Blanket statement before I respond to specific things: If he doesn't either change the behaviors that bother you or at least try to honestly communicate with you about why he does them, that's a pretty clear sign that he is not a caring partner. This is not someone you can spend the rest of life with and be happy.

Aschive said:

@Amapola14 The issues that have been bugging me the longest is that he used to be all cutesy and write cute messages on my Facebook, and text messages, and then all of a sudden it stopped. He doesn't ever compliment me. BF used to be the same way in some ways. When I brought it up, he got a little better at complimenting me, and I got better at recognizing the other things he did that demonstrated his love. He should make an effort to do this, but sometimes people just aren't as good at certain expressions as they are at others. I think the key is whether he shows his love and affection at all, whether through words or not.

He doesn't take me on dates. Our first date was to a Subway sandwich shop, and then to a beach/park thing. Our second date we went on was for our 2 year anniversary. We go out together to eat but it is always fast food and if I suggest anything else he says we can't really afford it, or we take his friends along. And most of the time we just sit there and don't talk because he isn't much of a talker and there isn't anything to talk about. Our first date was at Subway. Sorry, I'll focus. I totally understand the desire to go on genuinely nice dates, and maybe there is a way you can both be more conscientious about budgeting for them. I definitely get it: I love taking day trips, going out to eat, and other fun stuff with BF, and it's not something we get to do super-often right now. However, even going out for fast food can be a fun date. You don't even have to spend any money at all; it really depends on your creativity and the things you're willing to try doing together.

As for talking...I hear ya. Sometimes it's hard to find things to talk about when you live in the same place, do the same things every day, etc. That could be a sign that you need to spend some time apart, just to have something exciting and new in your own life! If there are things you'd like to talk about, bring them up; don't wait for him to initiate every conversation. If one night neither of you has anything to say, I think that's OK. When BF and I have times like that, we have a reading date or a TV date or play a board game or something. We're spending time together, we're having fun, and even if we don't end up in deep conversation, we still get something out of it.

If, on the other hand, you guys literally have nothing to say to each other week after week, that seems like an indicator that maybe you don't have enough in common, or at least enough things in your lives that are complimentary.

If we are with his friends he ignores me. We have talked about this one and he said he feels rude when he talks to me since we are together all the time, and he only sees his friends once a week. He should make more of an effort to include you, but I hope that you are also making an effort to be a part of the group instead of depending on him to do everything. Does he get to spend time with them alone, or is pretty much all with you there? You don't need to be there every time he hangs out with his friends. I would be bored out of my skull if I tried to do that!

He is always trying to play with my boobs. I tell him no and he does it anyway. I usually end up feeling like his personal sex doll when this happens. That is not OK and it needs to stop. There is no excuse for him doing something like that that bothers you. Be very firm about this and definitely do not let him get away with it.

He will not take the time to answer my questions. He says it is because I always want to talk about the same things. Well hello! If he would answer them the first time I wouldn't have to keep asking for answers.

He refuses to text me when I am not with him and he is with his friends. This is a topic I need to work on myself, he deserves time alone. But yet he will text his friends when I am with him. Setting aside certain date times where his attention is on you would probably be good. It is OK for him to text his friends, it is OK for him to spend time alone with them. But he does also need to spend time alone with you - maybe once or twice a week at least - where your focus is on each other. If that is not something that is comfortable for him...that's a problem, in my book.

Finally the big one that irks me the most! He will wake up in the morning, and until he goes to work, he will be on his ipod. On facebook, listening to songs, looking up car parts to spend money on. We hardly ever talk or have conversations. He gets home from work it is the same thing until we go to bed. Then he takes the Ipod with him and listens to music while I am trying to sleep. I want him to pay attention to me, I have to tell him everything 2 or 3 times. He even got my birthday wrong the last time I asked him! So, from what I'm reading, he sounds pretty immature. Maybe not like a bad guy, but definitely immature and not grown up enough to really participate in the kind of relationship you seem to want. You have pretty high expectations of him, but it sounds like he is unable to meet even the pretty basic ones. Do you feel like waiting until he reaches the point where he decides to really try? Probably not. You can't know that he ever will.

He has said he will work on all of these things before, and the only one he improved on was he would sit by me while at his friend's house. He said he can fix all of those things. I told him that I have heard all of that before, and that I think I am at my breaking point. He just said, "Sorry I'm sh*tty and I am not good enough for you." That was pretty much the last solid conversation we have had since the fight 2 nights ago. That, to me, doesn't sound good. He is not willing to admit his role in the issues you are having, and he is not taking your feedback well (even though it was delivered in what sounds like a heated way). Probably that is not the kind of partner you want or need in your life.

As far as my creations I did not get any pictures of them before I bagged them and got them to the school for her Bummer! Next time.

ETA: Look at this list of things that are hurting you in this relationship. Just look at the sheer length of it. I'm not saying it's impossible to correct, BUT. Will he help you do it? And is it worth it to wait and see?

Aschive

As far as his friends go I pretty much with him all the time because I hate being left out, (this is where I am mostly to blame for this issue) I feel like he is going to stuff he knows I do not approve of. (Smoking, drinking without me, snuff, chew. These are deal breakers. Not drinking though.) I feel like he would do these things and then lie to me about them. Or I feel like he is forgetting about me when he goes out. Also I do not have any friends that I hang out with in the town we live in. All of my friends are at least and hour away and busy with school, work, or other friends. So I am trying to work on that part, but it is a slow and long process.

We have tried budgeting for date nights. We are not very good about saving money which is a bummer. As far as time together not talking, I would love to watch TV or read something, but he is so fidgety that he has to have something in his hands at all times, that is why he is always on his Ipod doing something or another. So we decided to start having game night. Any good ideas for 2 player games?

CLoGreenEyes

Aschive said

As far as his friends go I pretty much with him all the time because I hate being left out, (this is where I am mostly to blame for this issue) I feel like he is going to stuff he knows I do not approve of. (Smoking, drinking without me, snuff, chew. These are deal breakers. Not drinking though.) I feel like he would do these things and then lie to me about them. If you cannot trust your boyfriend to have a few drinks responsibly without you present, that's an issue. I don't know if he earned this distrust or not, but regardless, that is not working for you guys. Or I feel like he is forgetting about me when he goes out. Do you think about your BF when you are doing your own hobbies or hanging out with your friends (I know you said most of them live far away, but when you do get to see them)? It is healthy to get away from your partner and do things other than spend time with them. I feel like you really need to develop this part of your own life more, because it sounds like your BF is the center of your world, and that's not good for anybody. Also I do not have any friends that I hang out with in the town we live in. All of my friends are at least and hour away and busy with school, work, or other friends. So I am trying to work on that part, but it is a slow and long process.

We have tried budgeting for date nights. We are not very good about saving money which is a bummer. It's more than just a bummer, it's a problem. Budgeting is a skill that every couple needs to develop sooner or later to sustain their life together. I can give you no other advice than to keep working at this. It is a necessary life skill, regardless of whether you're single, dating, or married. As far as time together not talking, I would love to watch TV or read something, but he is so fidgety that he has to have something in his hands at all times, that is why he is always on his Ipod doing something or another. So we decided to start having game night. Any good ideas for 2 player games? Card games, Connect 4 (BF and I have some epic battles with this one), and Battleship are the ones we enjoy the most. I'll try to think of some others, I know we have more.

phira

Aschive said:

He is always trying to play with my boobs. I tell him no and he does it anyway. I usually end up feeling like his personal sex doll when this happens.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no stay away from him

ETA: I figure I should say something a little more helpful than just "stay away from him."

One of the Big Red Flags for me is a person who doesn't respect bodily autonomy. First of all, and I don't mean to alarm you (or anyone else), but touching someone sexually without consent is assault. It's illegal.

Second of all, think of it this way: how much would you like to touch someone sexually when they HATED it? Would you find it pleasurable and exciting when the other person kept saying they didn't like it and didn't want you to do it?

This "annoying behavior" of his is not just an immature quirk. It's a very disturbing, beyond inappropriate behavior. It is not something that a person does when they care about their partner; it's something that a person does when they believe their partner is an object that doesn't have the right to say no.

Aschive

I do think about him. I do trust him, I just don't like it. I hate feeling like I am missing out on stuff since they have become my friends too. He is the center of my world but so is my sister, so it is a tie. I get jealous when he spends his time with someone else, I think it has to do with me moving away from my family and focusing on him, and trying to make him happy. I am hoping that I will get to see him either tonight or tomorrow and then him and I will talk it out and see if there is something we can do about this mess. Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I love hearing them from a non-objective third party. Even though you have only heard my side.

CLoGreenEyes

Aschive said:

I do think about him. I do trust him, I just don't like it. I hate feeling like I am missing out on stuff since they have become my friends too. He is the center of my world but so is my sister, so it is a tie. I get jealous when he spends his time with someone else, I think it has to do with me moving away from my family and focusing on him, and trying to make him happy. I am hoping that I will get to see him either tonight or tomorrow and then him and I will talk it out and see if there is something we can do about this mess. Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I love hearing them from a non-objective third party. Even though you have only heard my side.

Did you read the epic post-jacking from your one post a few weeks ago? It is very selfless of you to move away from home and focus on him; it is also very detrimental to your own well-being if you are not taking care of yourself. As you can tell, this is not really working.

Obviously you will do what you want, but the more I read from you, the more I feel like you really need to take time off from being in ANY romantic relationship and figure out who you are. I think that time spent nurturing your own interests, going to school, and reconnecting with your friends and family would do you a ton more good than being with your BF right now. Whether he is the "right" guy or not (and I don't believe that there is only one right person for you), it just doesn't seem like a good time in your life to be this serious with somebody.

Aschive

I did read that thread jacking. It was quite interesting.

Thing is even if I did take a time-out I wouldn't reconnect with my friends, I would just sit at home, go to work and work on my school work. All while probably taking care of my grandmother. So either way I look at it I lose. I am very, very non party girl, I do what I am supposed to most of the time. But I am looking at all of my options.

When I get to talk to him I am going to suggest us living separately again? (I would move back home and he would keep the apartment.) If we decide to stay together.

Fran1985

Oh dear. That is a lot for him to work on. It does sound like you need a lot of attention, but it sounds like you know that and it also sounds like ou are a little isolated from your friends and family, so thats understandable. But really, that list is pretty damning for him. I think its too much for him to change- its really fundamental personality differences/flaws there. good luck though, let us know how the talks go

shada19

If you get jealous when he is with other people and feel compelled to babysit him so he doesn't do bad things, you don't need to be together. Your relationship isn't healthy and is basically a disaster in the making with your issues and his lack of respect. Take some time to get yourself to a place where you can be a good partner. 

Blackbird230

Going to leave this right here:

DTMFA

lennonkdc

shada19 said:

If you get jealous when he is with other people and feel compelled to babysit him so he doesn't do bad things, you don't need to be together. Your relationship isn't healthy and is basically a disaster in the making with your issues and his lack of respect. Take some time to get yourself to a place where you can be a good partner. 

This is good advice! Honestly, it sounds like both of you have some major growing up to do. Getting jealous, needing attention, and basically acting like your BF shadow / nanny is the fastest way to make even the greatest BF in the world cold and distant. I'm not saying that he doesn't have his own issues, but you seriously need to work on letting your partner have his own life. Your clingy needy borderline psycho GF attitude will cause issues in every relationship. Trust me, when I first met my FI I was 'that girl' and it nearly ruined us. Trust me, I speak from experience, get a hobby, join a book club, take an yoga class, anything to broaden your own horizons.

KateJ16

Aschive said:

@Amapola14 The issues that have been bugging me the longest is that he used to be all cutesy and write cute messages on my Facebook, and text messages, and then all of a sudden it stopped. He doesn't ever compliment me. 

He doesn't take me on dates. Our first date was to a Subway sandwich shop, and then to a beach/park thing. Our second date we went on was for our 2 year anniversary. We go out together to eat but it is always fast food and if I suggest anything else he says we can't really afford it, or we take his friends along. And most of the time we just sit there and don't talk because he isn't much of a talker and there isn't anything to talk about.

If we are with his friends he ignores me. We have talked about this one and he said he feels rude when he talks to me since we are together all the time, and he only sees his friends once a week.

He is always trying to play with my boobs. I tell him no and he does it anyway. I usually end up feeling like his personal sex doll when this happens.

He will not take the time to answer my questions. He says it is because I always want to talk about the same things. Well hello! If he would answer them the first time I wouldn't have to keep asking for answers.

He refuses to text me when I am not with him and he is with his friends. This is a topic I need to work on myself, he deserves time alone. But yet he will text his friends when I am with him.

Finally the big one that irks me the most! He will wake up in the morning, and until he goes to work, he will be on his ipod. On facebook, listening to songs, looking up car parts to spend money on. We hardly ever talk or have conversations. He gets home from work it is the same thing until we go to bed. Then he takes the Ipod with him and listens to music while I am trying to sleep. I want him to pay attention to me, I have to tell him everything 2 or 3 times. He even got my birthday wrong the last time I asked him!

He has said he will work on all of these things before, and the only one he improved on was he would sit by me while at his friend's house. He said he can fix all of those things. I told him that I have heard all of that before, and that I think I am at my breaking point. He just said, "Sorry I'm sh*tty and I am not good enough for you." That was pretty much the last solid conversation we have had since the fight 2 nights ago.

As far as my creations I did not get any pictures of them before I bagged them and got them to the school for her

Everything you say here^^^ - you need to get AWAY.  Far away.  Nothing you mention here is what a person who loves you would do.

It sucks - but it's better to be alone than to be a personal sex doll who is ignored for a man who SHOULD treat you like you are an amazing addition to his life.

Seriously - screw giving HIM time to think about what he wants, you just need to make a break and end it so you can get what YOU want (and need)

GoldenPenguin

Leave him. Do NOT get back together with him. None of this is okay. Not one little bit of it. He was right - he IS shitty, and he is NOT good enough for you. Spend some time for yourself, instead of constantly worrying about him. This is an extremely immature relationship - and I promise you that someday, you will look back on this and wonder what you were thinking wasting all this time on him. 

Also, I'm fucking appalled that you started posting here by telling us that you were on TB because you weren't being careful and expected to get pregnant by this guy. You dodged a SERIOUS bullet, sister. 

KeptInStitches

Your relationship since you started posting has been a serious rollercoaster ride. Leaving him does not mean shutting yourself in your house, which is seriously what I'm getting out of your post. Call your friends! Make plans! Cut your hair! (I don't know, something drastic with no real long-term consequences.)

Do things for YOU.

bethsmiles

BriSox81 said:

Leave him. Do NOT get back together with him. None of this is okay. Not one little bit of it. He was right - he IS shitty, and he is NOT good enough for you. Spend some time for yourself, instead of constantly worrying about him. This is an extremely immature relationship - and I promise you that someday, you will look back on this and wonder what you were thinking wasting all this time on him. 

Also, I'm fucking appalled that you started posting here by telling us that you were on TB because you weren't being careful and expected to get pregnant by this guy. You dodged a SERIOUS bullet, sister. 

THIS! Absolutely this. You need to start putting yourself and your needs first.

GoldenPenguin

bethsmiles said:

BriSox81 said:

Leave him. Do NOT get back together with him. None of this is okay. Not one little bit of it. He was right - he IS shitty, and he is NOT good enough for you. Spend some time for yourself, instead of constantly worrying about him. This is an extremely immature relationship - and I promise you that someday, you will look back on this and wonder what you were thinking wasting all this time on him. 

Also, I'm fucking appalled that you started posting here by telling us that you were on TB because you weren't being careful and expected to get pregnant by this guy. You dodged a SERIOUS bullet, sister. 

THIS! Absolutely this. You need to start putting yourself and your needs first.

TWICE IN ONE DAY!? Is this real life?  

bethsmiles

BriSox81 said:

bethsmiles said:

BriSox81 said:

Leave him. Do NOT get back together with him. None of this is okay. Not one little bit of it. He was right - he IS shitty, and he is NOT good enough for you. Spend some time for yourself, instead of constantly worrying about him. This is an extremely immature relationship - and I promise you that someday, you will look back on this and wonder what you were thinking wasting all this time on him. 

Also, I'm fucking appalled that you started posting here by telling us that you were on TB because you weren't being careful and expected to get pregnant by this guy. You dodged a SERIOUS bullet, sister. 

THIS! Absolutely this. You need to start putting yourself and your needs first.

TWICE IN ONE DAY!? Is this real life?  

I think it's a testament to the amount of crazy in these posts!

phira

EDIT: Well crap, this was meant for another thread ENTIRELY. Sorry folks (especially @Aschive)

Aschive

@phira was that meant for another post? Or to my original post?

CLoGreenEyes

Aschive said:

@phira was that meant for another post? Or to my original post?

I was wondering this too, haha.

GoldenPenguin

I think @phira's post was meant for Bubbles' thread. 

Also, @aschive, are you going to respond to anything anyone has said to you here?

Aschive

Sorry I was thinking and there is no way to respond that doesn't make it sound like I am justifying it. I do love him, but I want him to grow up.

As far as if I move back home, yes I would just stay inside. All of my friends are either too busy to make plans, or cancel when we do make some. I am a homebody, always have been since high school. It is just how I am.

As far as the touching issue. I know it is a huge red flag, I am not justifying it. I just wanted to state that it used to be more frequent when we first started dating then it is now.

Other than that, it seems like the general consensus is to break it off. So I appreciate all of your answers and suggestions!

KeptInStitches

Take up a new hobby. Do some volunteer work. Stretch your comfort level some - you might make some new friends!