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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Catholic weddings

Both me and my fiancee have made our communion and confirmations, but I am unsure if i want to have a Catholic wedding  I prefer to have our ceremony at the same site as are reception, but found out priests don't go to off site events.  I am okay with not having a priest but someone told me if we don't get married in a chruch, our children won't be able to be baptisized..is that true?      I haven't been to church in forever...probably since my confirmation!  And we both live together...i am assuming that is "frowned" upon .  What do we need to know about getting married in a church??

Re: Catholic weddings

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jenni1221 said:

    Both me and my fiancee have made our communion and confirmations, but I am unsure if i want to have a Catholic wedding  I prefer to have our ceremony at the same site as are reception, but found out priests don't go to off site events.  I am okay with not having a priest but someone told me if we don't get married in a chruch, our children won't be able to be baptisized..is that true?      I haven't been to church in forever...probably since my confirmation!  And we both live together...i am assuming that is "frowned" upon .  What do we need to know about getting married in a church??

    Marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic faith, which is why it must be performed in the Church.  If you do not get married in the Church, you will be out of good standing and won't be able to receive Communion either.  Your future children should still be able to be baptized, but why would you baptize your children if you don't feel the Church is important enough in your life to continue to obtain your sacraments?  Also know that if the parishes around you are very conservative, they may not baptize your children.  It really depends on the parish and/or diocese.
    doeydo
  • jenni1221 said:

    Both me and my fiancee have made our communion and confirmations, but I am unsure if i want to have a Catholic wedding  I prefer to have our ceremony at the same site as are reception, but found out priests don't go to off site events.  I am okay with not having a priest but someone told me if we don't get married in a chruch, our children won't be able to be baptisized..is that true?      I haven't been to church in forever...probably since my confirmation!  And we both live together...i am assuming that is "frowned" upon .  What do we need to know about getting married in a church??

    Marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic faith, which is why it must be performed in the Church.  If you do not get married in the Church, you will be out of good standing and won't be able to receive Communion either.  Your future children should still be able to be baptized, but why would you baptize your children if you don't feel the Church is important enough in your life to continue to obtain your sacraments?  Also know that if the parishes around you are very conservative, they may not baptize your children.  It really depends on the parish and/or diocese.
    Just because I am not religious, I do not want to to influence my children. I was raised going to church until I was old enough to decide on my own if I wanted to continue.   I will do the same for my children. 
    mimiphin
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited October 2013
    jenni1221 said:

    Both me and my fiancee have made our communion and confirmations, but I am unsure if i want to have a Catholic wedding  I prefer to have our ceremony at the same site as are reception, but found out priests don't go to off site events.  I am okay with not having a priest but someone told me if we don't get married in a chruch, our children won't be able to be baptisized..is that true?      I haven't been to church in forever...probably since my confirmation!  And we both live together...i am assuming that is "frowned" upon .  What do we need to know about getting married in a church??

    Marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic faith, which is why it must be performed in the Church.  If you do not get married in the Church, you will be out of good standing and won't be able to receive Communion either.  Your future children should still be able to be baptized, but why would you baptize your children if you don't feel the Church is important enough in your life to continue to obtain your sacraments?  Also know that if the parishes around you are very conservative, they may not baptize your children.  It really depends on the parish and/or diocese.

    Ditto this.

    If you don't want to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony or continue in your faith then you shouldn't get married in the Church just because you feel like you have to.

    It is true that some more traditional parishes will not baptize children of parents in invalid marriages (which is what yours would be if you don't marry in the Church). Some more liberal parishes and dioceses will still allow baptism. It's situational, so you'll have to ask.

    Why not go to a meeting with a priest at your local Church? You can discuss the pros and cons of Catholic marriage and the potential that you and your FI will return to Mass.

    ETA: What does your FI want to do?

    doeydo

  • jenni1221 said:
    jenni1221 said:

    Both me and my fiancee have made our communion and confirmations, but I am unsure if i want to have a Catholic wedding  I prefer to have our ceremony at the same site as are reception, but found out priests don't go to off site events.  I am okay with not having a priest but someone told me if we don't get married in a chruch, our children won't be able to be baptisized..is that true?      I haven't been to church in forever...probably since my confirmation!  And we both live together...i am assuming that is "frowned" upon .  What do we need to know about getting married in a church??

    Marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic faith, which is why it must be performed in the Church.  If you do not get married in the Church, you will be out of good standing and won't be able to receive Communion either.  Your future children should still be able to be baptized, but why would you baptize your children if you don't feel the Church is important enough in your life to continue to obtain your sacraments?  Also know that if the parishes around you are very conservative, they may not baptize your children.  It really depends on the parish and/or diocese.
    Just because I am not religious, I do not want to to influence my children. I was raised going to church until I was old enough to decide on my own if I wanted to continue.   I will do the same for my children. 
    If you're not religious, please don't get married in the church.  Your vows would essentially be lies.

    How do you plan on raising your children in the church if you don't believe?  Will you attend church with them?
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    doeydo
  • "How do you plan on raising your children in the church if you don't believe? Will you attend church with them?"

     

    I didn't say I don't believe, I just don't go to church and don't feel I need to go to church to have beliefs.  I believe in God.  I pray everynight, but I don't follow the traditions of a Catholic church.   Yes, I plan on attending church with my children, in order for them to know about religion and have their own choice at what they believe.  

    lauralee1723CLI242009
  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited October 2013
    jenni1221 said:

    "How do you plan on raising your children in the church if you don't believe? Will you attend church with them?"

     

    I didn't say I don't believe, I just don't go to church and don't feel I need to go to church to have beliefs.  I believe in God.  I pray everynight, but I don't follow the traditions of a Catholic church.   Yes, I plan on attending church with my children, in order for them to know about religion and have their own choice at what they believe.  

    That's great that you have your own beliefs, but that's not what the Catholic Church requires/what Catholics believe. Getting married in the church requires much more than just showing up the day of.

    Eta I guess I just don't understand how you would live up to the promise to raise your children catholic (part of the catholic vows) if you yourself aren't practicing.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • I agree. That is why I don't feel the need to get married in the church.  I just don't want to take that opportunity away from my future children.  I don't think what I do should effect if they can be baptised and raised Catholic.
  • jenni1221 said:
    I agree. That is why I don't feel the need to get married in the church.  I just don't want to take that opportunity away from my future children.  I don't think what I do should effect if they can be baptised and raised Catholic.


    Again, what does your FIANCE want to do?

    Since you're both baptized and confirmed Catholic...you both need to be aware that if you do not get married in the Church, it's a sin.

    If he's even slightly more devout than you, this fact could mean a lot to him.

  • And ditto PPs advice about sitting down and speaking with a priest.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • We share equal beliefs.   He is equally uncertain if we should be getting married in a Church.  I will visit and speak with a priest, as I think that would help me to make the best decision. 

  • Thank you for the advice!

     

  • jenni1221 said:

    We share equal beliefs.   He is equally uncertain if we should be getting married in a Church.  I will visit and speak with a priest, as I think that would help me to make the best decision. 

    Sounds like a good plan. He'll be able to give you the most accurate information. Best of luck and congrats on your engagement!
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Why don't you talk to your parish priest to see if he is willing to bless your marriage? My brother got married by a JP and then once they were back from their honeymoon, they had it blessed making it recognized by the church.
  • Why don't you talk to your parish priest to see if he is willing to bless your marriage? My brother got married by a JP and then once they were back from their honeymoon, they had it blessed making it recognized by the church.
    This is called a convalidation.  It's very dishonest to purposefully marry outside the church hoping to get a convalidation later.  If it's important to have a valid Catholic marriage, then you need to do it right the first time.  A lot of priests won't even do a convalidation unless they feel that you are truly sincere about wanting to make things right.  

    SaveSave
    OliveOilsMom
  • jenni1221 said:
    I agree. That is why I don't feel the need to get married in the church.  I just don't want to take that opportunity away from my future children.  I don't think what I do should effect if they can be baptised and raised Catholic.

    I was not raised Catholic, was not baptized, did not receive first communion. When I was in high school, I decided I wanted to be Catholic, so I went to classes called RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) and essentially converted. I was baptized, took my first communion, and was confirmed all in the same ceremony. So even if you don't get married in the church and have your children baptized, if they make that decision for themselves later in life, there are options for them.
    Anniversary
    s-aries8990
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jenni1221 said:

    Both me and my fiancee have made our communion and confirmations, but I am unsure if i want to have a Catholic wedding  I prefer to have our ceremony at the same site as are reception, but found out priests don't go to off site events.  I am okay with not having a priest but someone told me if we don't get married in a chruch, our children won't be able to be baptisized..is that true?      I haven't been to church in forever...probably since my confirmation!  And we both live together...i am assuming that is "frowned" upon .  What do we need to know about getting married in a church??

    I am glad you have decided to speak directly with your priest to get firsthand and parish specific information.  However, be aware that typically in the Catholic Church, you need to set a date with the parish before you make any arrangements with your reception venue.  If you have already booked your reception venue, you may find yourself in an additional conflict.  Just wanted you to be aware of all contingencies.  Good luck.
    CLI242009
  • I'm getting married in the Church this next week. We had many requirements, and classes before we could be married in the Church.  If you really want a Catholic Wedding, a Catholic Marriage, go to your priest and talk to him.

    We were required to wait at least 9 months before gettng married from the date we first met with our priest. The classes took months to complete. They take this really seriously, as marriage is. I'm not saying you havent taken your decision to marry very seriously, but i'll tell you, the classes did bring up a lot of discussions between my FI and I that we hadnt had. and it also brought out that we were on the same page with so many things.  It is a lot of work, (and the classes cost a lot of money) but it is an awesome experience! 

    I wish you the best!

    Barb

  • I'm getting married in the Church this next week. We had many requirements, and classes before we could be married in the Church.  If you really want a Catholic Wedding, a Catholic Marriage, go to your priest and talk to him.

    We were required to wait at least 9 months before gettng married from the date we first met with our priest. The classes took months to complete. They take this really seriously, as marriage is. I'm not saying you havent taken your decision to marry very seriously, but i'll tell you, the classes did bring up a lot of discussions between my FI and I that we hadnt had. and it also brought out that we were on the same page with so many things.  It is a lot of work, (and the classes cost a lot of money) but it is an awesome experience! 

    I wish you the best!

    Barb


    Hi Barb

     

    Thanks for this post.  I left a message for a priest and he called me back but we haven't connected yet.   How long were the classes? where they one on one with the priest or with other couples?  Not that I would base my decision on this info, just am curious how that all works.  I found out we need to start with our church at least 6 months in advance of the wedding.  although I contacted my local church, our wedding is close to an hour away so I am concerned with travel time and considered finding a church closer to the venue, although I am running short on with our wedding only being 7 months away...and kinda started to stress that I need to get a move on it!

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jenni1221 said:

    I'm getting married in the Church this next week. We had many requirements, and classes before we could be married in the Church.  If you really want a Catholic Wedding, a Catholic Marriage, go to your priest and talk to him.

    We were required to wait at least 9 months before gettng married from the date we first met with our priest. The classes took months to complete. They take this really seriously, as marriage is. I'm not saying you havent taken your decision to marry very seriously, but i'll tell you, the classes did bring up a lot of discussions between my FI and I that we hadnt had. and it also brought out that we were on the same page with so many things.  It is a lot of work, (and the classes cost a lot of money) but it is an awesome experience! 

    I wish you the best!

    Barb


    Hi Barb

     

    Thanks for this post.  I left a message for a priest and he called me back but we haven't connected yet.   How long were the classes? where they one on one with the priest or with other couples?  Not that I would base my decision on this info, just am curious how that all works.  I found out we need to start with our church at least 6 months in advance of the wedding.  although I contacted my local church, our wedding is close to an hour away so I am concerned with travel time and considered finding a church closer to the venue, although I am running short on with our wedding only being 7 months away...and kinda started to stress that I need to get a move on it!

    Every parish will have different requirements.  My daughter and her husband were not required to take multiple classes.  They met with the parish priest perhaps 2 or 3 times, and had a one day weekend retreat.  

    If you have not already begun the paperwork process, you will be required to show proof of your baptisms and subsequent sacraments.  That can take some time as well.  Typically you need to contact the parish in which you were baptized.  On the back of your baptismal record, documentation of your First Communion and Confirmation should have been made.
  • jenni1221 said:

    "How do you plan on raising your children in the church if you don't believe? Will you attend church with them?"

     

    I didn't say I don't believe, I just don't go to church and don't feel I need to go to church to have beliefs.  I believe in God.  I pray everynight, but I don't follow the traditions of a Catholic church.   Yes, I plan on attending church with my children, in order for them to know about religion and have their own choice at what they believe.  

    If you want them to have a choice, don't you think they should be old enough to decide before taking them to church? Unless you are exposing them to multiple faiths as kids, taking them to Catholic mass isn't giving them a choice at all.
    image
  • jenni1221 said:

    "How do you plan on raising your children in the church if you don't believe? Will you attend church with them?"

     

    I didn't say I don't believe, I just don't go to church and don't feel I need to go to church to have beliefs.  I believe in God.  I pray everynight, but I don't follow the traditions of a Catholic church.   Yes, I plan on attending church with my children, in order for them to know about religion and have their own choice at what they believe.  

    If you want them to have a choice, don't you think they should be old enough to decide before taking them to church? Unless you are exposing them to multiple faiths as kids, taking them to Catholic mass isn't giving them a choice at all.
    My FI's parents did this with him and his 5 siblings. His parents brought them all to church. When it came time to go through confirmation (I believe that's what stage it is) my FI waited a couple of years. He was confirmed with his younger sister sister. He wanted to make sure this is what he wanted. That he believed in the Catholic faith. He even has a few siblings who don't believe in God anymore at all. 

    So as long as you raise your kids, KNOWING they can make a choice later in life & that it's okay, taking them to church when they are children seems fine. 

    Also what lauralee1723 said. If they decide way later in life they would like to change faiths, this is available. You can even take a few classes to learn about the faith, religion & to see if this IS in fact right for you. If it's not, you can stop coming to the classes. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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