Involving my kids more....

michellenday97

I have a son who is 11 and a daughter who is 7 (they are not my fiances biological children but he loves them just the same) . My son is going to give me away and my daughter will be a flower girl. However I am trying to come up with something different for the "unity candle" I know that is a great tradition but I would like my kids to be involved too. Just to reaffirm that it is all of us joining as a new family and not just my fiance and I. Any ideas would be very much appreciated.

manateehugger

michellenday97 said:

I have a son who is 11 and a daughter who is 7 (they are not my fiances biological children but he loves them just the same) . My son is going to give me away and my daughter will be a flower girl. However I am trying to come up with something different for the "unity candle" I know that is a great tradition but I would like my kids to be involved too. Just to reaffirm that it is all of us joining as a new family and not just my fiance and I. Any ideas would be very much appreciated.

Honestly, I think having your son give you away (adorable!) and your daughter as a flower girl is the perfect level of involvement for your kids during the ceremony. 

Otherwise, I'd leave them out of the ceremony. They are not the ones joining into a legally emotionally bound commitment - you and your fiance are. What about making sure you get some fantastic photos of the four of you? Or doing a private gift-giving session with them before or after the ceremony? Or going for ice cream on the wedding day?

Time spent together unites and bonds a family, not necessarily ceremonies. Think about it - you didn't have a ceremony when you became their mother. 

ETA: You could also do a dance with the four of you during the reception. 

Jen4948

michellenday97 said:

I have a son who is 11 and a daughter who is 7 (they are not my fiances biological children but he loves them just the same) . My son is going to give me away and my daughter will be a flower girl. However I am trying to come up with something different for the "unity candle" I know that is a great tradition but I would like my kids to be involved too. Just to reaffirm that it is all of us joining as a new family and not just my fiance and I. Any ideas would be very much appreciated.

About the bolded: If your son is merely going to walk with you up the aisle, that's lovely.  He shouldn't be expected to answer the "who giveth this woman" question or say anything else though.

Aside from that, it sounds like you have nice plans.

southernbelle0915

I think your current plans incorporate both of them in sweet ways. You don't need to do anything else. Have them sit with you at the head table if you want. Other than that, there's not much else to do!

bailey974

We also want to include my boys in our ceremony. Since my dad will be walking me down the aisle, I was thinking of how to incorporate them without making it too much. I heard about a unity sand ceremony - where each member of the family takes turns pouring colored sand into a vase and the wedding officiant says something about family unity (ask your officiant - he/she has likely done this before). It should only take about 5 minutes and your children will not need to say anything. You can then put the vase on a mantle/shelf/table in your home. We decided to do something similar using colored glass beads since the beads suit our style better than the sand. You can order a sand kit online or get one at a craft store (Jo Ann, Michael's). Although, when I went to the store, it was more economical to buy the pieces individually, and I ended up getting the vases at Walmart (the exact same ones that Michael's had). Good luck to you!

michellenday97

Thank you all very much for your comments, I appreciate it!

mysticl

That is great that your FI loves your kids, how do they feel about him?  Do they have a father who is part of their lives?  Would joining in a unity ceremony to "bond" you four as a family make them feel disloyal to their father?  

I vote for just sticking with what you already have planned.

WonderRed

My 6 year old son is walking down the aisle with me and then we'll do a family sand ceremony.  But start with talking to your kids about how much they want to do and give them the option to say no.  My DS wants to do something that shows we are becoming an "official family."  Other kids do not want to do anything.  No matter how you involve kids it has to be on their comfort level, first and foremost.