What NOT to do!

MandyMost

Any wedding with a gap is the worst wedding I've been to. I don't care how close i live, or how many people I know. It SUCKS to be dressed up for a ceremony, and then have to be dressed up for the reception 2-6 hours later. Seriously. You may as well plan an event where you force your guests to be hungry, thirsty, and uncomfortable for that time in an awkward room where they can't really sit because they have to stay looking clean and nice for the reception. I just can't understand how ANYTHING is so important to basically tell your guests "I'm glad you came to our ceremony, and now you have to stand still for 4 hours and not get tired and not eat and not drink (because it will be provided at our reception) and not wrinkle you clothes and find someplace random that you've never been before that allows this kind of clean non-purchasing loitering" because I'm such an asshat that I think either 1) my ceremony venue of choice, or 2) my venue of choice, or 3) my having an evening reception is WAY more important that treating you like shit. Because that is the ONLY reason for having a wedding with a gap. 

Anyway.

Aside from the gaps weddings, the worst wedding I attended was my brother's. Cash bar. I was a bridesmaid and even though the wedding wasn't particularly formal, my dress had a train. Yes the BRIDESMAIDS dresses had trains. Because the bride didn't comprehend the fact you could order them in any length, and the sample had a train. The bride also made no plans for her actual day-of-wedding, so after getting her hair done, she had nothing to do, and crashed my mom's house, who was totally unprepared to host, and ended up finding some stale crackers to serve. If she had any idea the bride was planning to go there, she would have gone all out with food and drinks. Essentially, she was just a bride who never once considered the big picture, or what her guests might want. She had a head table without SO's. It was so crowded we could barely get the chairs out to sit down, and were then expected to eat in a big line in front of everyone. It was just so awkward and terrible. My boyfriend (now fiance) was put at a table with the husband of another bridesmaid, and a few random people he'd never met. Mind you, he DID know a lot of people there...they just choose to sit him with other randoms, instead of either me or the other people he knew!

Sembree1

We went to a wedding in upstate NY 3 years ago, (we are from central OH, 10 hour drive, but we do it every summer to visit all of mothers side of family). Ceremony was at 1130, wedding party showed up via party bus already drunk.Only about 20 people were invited to the actual church for the ceremony. The reception was not until 8pm. Being from out of town and the reception not being near any relatvies homes, we ended up going back to the hotel and watch tv. (We being my 75 year old grandmother with severe parkinsons disease, my uncle(her primary caregiver), myself, and 2 year old daughter. We then went to the reception where there were 4 seperate parties going on and no signs saying where to go. Paper thin walls so we got to listen to a sweet 16 in the next room. Over 200 people at the reception, seating for MAYBE 100. Cash bar for every drink, water included. You couldn't have a glass of water, you had to buy a bottle. Wedding party didn't show up until almost 10pm when most people had already left or were getting ready too. Never did get fed either.

Oh, did I mention, the reception venue was a funeral home?

grumbledore

Sembree1 said:

We went to a wedding in upstate NY 3 years ago, (we are from central OH, 10 hour drive, but we do it every summer to visit all of mothers side of family). Ceremony was at 1130, wedding party showed up via party bus already drunk.Only about 20 people were invited to the actual church for the ceremony. The reception was not until 8pm. Being from out of town and the reception not being near any relatvies homes, we ended up going back to the hotel and watch tv. (We being my 75 year old grandmother with severe parkinsons disease, my uncle(her primary caregiver), myself, and 2 year old daughter. We then went to the reception where there were 4 seperate parties going on and no signs saying where to go. Paper thin walls so we got to listen to a sweet 16 in the next room. Over 200 people at the reception, seating for MAYBE 100. Cash bar for every drink, water included. You couldn't have a glass of water, you had to buy a bottle. Wedding party didn't show up until almost 10pm when most people had already left or were getting ready too. Never did get fed either.

Oh, did I mention, the reception venue was a funeral home?

Say what?  

SP29

I recently heard on a radio talk show to rent out a funeral home room for your wedding venue as a way to save money.

The idea being that the room, generally, comes nicely decorated (carpet, curtains, lighting, etc), the venue is usually available on weekends (most funerals are during the week or a weekend day), and it is cheaper than a banquet hall because it doesn't have "wedding" in front of it. 

But I don't think I could ever do it... just seems like two spheres of life you should not mix. 

jerieck0109

I never had any bad experiences at weddings that jump out to me however i do want to comment on the gap discussion. 

I unfortunately have not option but to have a gap at the wedding. My family's church will not do a wedding service later then 1:30 and the wedding hall is booked for 6. So in those types of situations its hard to accommodate everyone. 

The church we are getting  married at is the same way.  However, we decided to get married on Friday evening in order to avoid the gap since we have guests coming from out of town.  

mysticl

SP29 said:

I recently heard on a radio talk show to rent out a funeral home room for your wedding venue as a way to save money.

The idea being that the room, generally, comes nicely decorated (carpet, curtains, lighting, etc), the venue is usually available on weekends (most funerals are during the week or a weekend day), and it is cheaper than a banquet hall because it doesn't have "wedding" in front of it. 

But I don't think I could ever do it... just seems like two spheres of life you should not mix. 

I wonder how much money you would really save.  I guess it could work for a cake and punch type reception but if you wanted to serve more than that it could get complicated.  They aren't a banquet hall, they don't have tables, linens, dishes, food prep areas, etc.  

Can you imagine guests showing up to party and entering the wrong room, where there is still a casket sitting from the viewing that just ended?  I think that would kill the party mood and it would be kind of creepy just knowing there are dead bodies somewhere in the building.  

jenn77b

Can you imagine writing on your invites wedding the name of the funeral home??? Crazy!

kmmssg

MandyMost said:

Any wedding with a gap is the worst wedding I've been to. I don't care how close i live, or how many people I know. It SUCKS to be dressed up for a ceremony, and then have to be dressed up for the reception 2-6 hours later. Seriously. You may as well plan an event where you force your guests to be hungry, thirsty, and uncomfortable for that time in an awkward room where they can't really sit because they have to stay looking clean and nice for the reception. I just can't understand how ANYTHING is so important to basically tell your guests "I'm glad you came to our ceremony, and now you have to stand still for 4 hours and not get tired and not eat and not drink (because it will be provided at our reception) and not wrinkle you clothes and find someplace random that you've never been before that allows this kind of clean non-purchasing loitering" because I'm such an asshat that I think either 1) my ceremony venue of choice, or 2) my venue of choice, or 3) my having an evening reception is WAY more important that treating you like shit. Because that is the ONLY reason for having a wedding with a gap. 

Anyway.

Aside from the gaps weddings, the worst wedding I attended was my brother's. Cash bar. I was a bridesmaid and even though the wedding wasn't particularly formal, my dress had a train. Yes the BRIDESMAIDS dresses had trains. Because the bride didn't comprehend the fact you could order them in any length, and the sample had a train. The bride also made no plans for her actual day-of-wedding, so after getting her hair done, she had nothing to do, and crashed my mom's house, who was totally unprepared to host, and ended up finding some stale crackers to serve. If she had any idea the bride was planning to go there, she would have gone all out with food and drinks. Essentially, she was just a bride who never once considered the big picture, or what her guests might want. She had a head table without SO's. It was so crowded we could barely get the chairs out to sit down, and were then expected to eat in a big line in front of everyone. It was just so awkward and terrible. My boyfriend (now fiance) was put at a table with the husband of another bridesmaid, and a few random people he'd never met. Mind you, he DID know a lot of people there...they just choose to sit him with other randoms, instead of either me or the other people he knew!

Sing it girlfriend!

missmo14

We have a hosted gap. Cocktail hour with drinks and appetizers during photos then a chartered double decker bus tour of las vegas from ceremony venue to reception.

kgd7357

^^
Be careful with the double decker bus if it rains. I went to a wedding a few weeks ago that did this in NYC. It rained, so everyone crammed in the downstairs. Then the top got so full of water that it started leaking into the bottom of the bus. We had to wear ponchos. It was black tie. Nothing goes better with a long black evening gown than a poncho.

NYCBruin

jerieck0109 said:

I never had any bad experiences at weddings that jump out to me however i do want to comment on the gap discussion. 

I unfortunately have not option but to have a gap at the wedding. My family's church will not do a wedding service later then 1:30 and the wedding hall is booked for 6. So in those types of situations its hard to accommodate everyone. 

The church we are getting  married at is the same way.  However, we decided to get married on Friday evening in order to avoid the gap since we have guests coming from out of town.  

Unless there is only one place in town (within say a 30 minute radius) where you can hold the wedding reception AND they don't allow receptions before 6:00, you could plan and avoid the gap.

I know you're not doing this and I don't even find gaps that annoying personally, but I'm just pointing out the flaw in this logic for lurkers out there.

jerieck0109

NYCBruin said:

jerieck0109 said:

I never had any bad experiences at weddings that jump out to me however i do want to comment on the gap discussion. 

I unfortunately have not option but to have a gap at the wedding. My family's church will not do a wedding service later then 1:30 and the wedding hall is booked for 6. So in those types of situations its hard to accommodate everyone. 

The church we are getting  married at is the same way.  However, we decided to get married on Friday evening in order to avoid the gap since we have guests coming from out of town.  

Unless there is only one place in town (within say a 30 minute radius) where you can hold the wedding reception AND they don't allow receptions before 6:00, you could plan and avoid the gap.

I know you're not doing this and I don't even find gaps that annoying personally, but I'm just pointing out the flaw in this logic for lurkers out there.

The reason is Catholic Ceremonies have to start before 1:30 so the in order to avoid the gap we decided to go for a Friday.  It's just a preference for me.  However, I am from a small town so there are not a lot of options as far as reception locations locally which we need since my fiance's mother recently had a stroke and can not go very far.

NYCBruin

jerieck0109 said:

NYCBruin said:

jerieck0109 said:

j.hlinka said:

I never had any bad experiences at weddings that jump out to me however i do want to comment on the gap discussion. 

I unfortunately have not option but to have a gap at the wedding. My family's church will not do a wedding service later then 1:30 and the wedding hall is booked for 6. So in those types of situations its hard to accommodate everyone. 

The church we are getting  married at is the same way.  However, we decided to get married on Friday evening in order to avoid the gap since we have guests coming from out of town.  

Unless there is only one place in town (within say a 30 minute radius) where you can hold the wedding reception AND they don't allow receptions before 6:00, you could plan and avoid the gap.

I know you're not doing this and I don't even find gaps that annoying personally, but I'm just pointing out the flaw in this logic for lurkers out there.

The reason is Catholic Ceremonies have to start before 1:30 so the in order to avoid the gap we decided to go for a Friday.  It's just a preference for me.  However, I am from a small town so there are not a lot of options as far as reception locations locally which we need since my fiance's mother recently had a stroke and can not go very far.






As a Catholic I understand the time restrictions on Saturday weddings so they don't interfere with Saturday evening mass. You can't move the ceremony time, but you can move the reception time. There is no reason why you can't have the reception start at 2:00 or 2:30 and avoid the gap.

Edited because quote box is a mess.

Maggie0829

Getting married in a Catholic church on a Saturday is not a good enough reason for a gap.  If you want to get married in a Catholic church then you have to sacrifice your evening reception.  Period.

I really don't have that many horror stories (thank goodness) but I have been to weddings with partial cash bars, hella crappy food, money dances, and gross garter retrievals.

jerieck0109

Maggie0829 said:

Getting married in a Catholic church on a Saturday is not a good enough reason for a gap.  If you want to get married in a Catholic church then you have to sacrifice your evening reception.  Period.

I really don't have that many horror stories (thank goodness) but I have been to weddings with partial cash bars, hella crappy food, money dances, and gross garter retrievals.

Thats why I am  doing a Friday wedding.  

Maggie0829

Maggie0829 said:

Getting married in a Catholic church on a Saturday is not a good enough reason for a gap.  If you want to get married in a Catholic church then you have to sacrifice your evening reception.  Period.

I really don't have that many horror stories (thank goodness) but I have been to weddings with partial cash bars, hella crappy food, money dances, and gross garter retrievals.

Thats why I am  doing a Friday wedding.  

Yes, I realize that. But my comment wasn't solely directed at you. It was directed to others that think that a gap is required when having a Catholic ceremony.

kitty8403

Dreamergirl8812 said:

MissMWood said:

kitty8403 said:

ETA: felt would be more appropriate on another thread.

My weirdest single thing was probably the one with the wedding party smoking pot throughout the reception.

Oh my god! Did we go to the same wedding? Haha! It was like everyone was on the dance floor, then I look around and everyone is gone and downstairs smoking pot! I just stayed on the dance floor and did some twirls on my own!

Mostly, we were getting yelled at by the groom's parents (total strangers we'd met like 30 seconds before) because we had NOT lit up yet and they had gotten it into their heads that we must be judgmental witch women condemning their stoner ways. Mind you, this is while I'm holding the bride's infant son and trying to talk to a friend who didn't smoke and didn't know these people either. Um,
hello, what?

Twirling alone sounds way more fun!!!

Lavender123

A few years ago I went to a wedding where people were invited to either ceremony and after-party or ceremony, dinner and after-party (luckily I was in the latter group). So after the ceremony some people were taken by bus to dinner and others were just left behind watching us leave with instructions to join in 2 hours time (dinner and after-party were in the same place). It was so incredibly awkward and rude..

Babebet

 

Lavender123 said:

A few years ago I went to a wedding where people were invited to either ceremony and after-party or ceremony, dinner and after-party (luckily I was in the latter group). So after the ceremony some people were taken by bus to dinner and others were just left behind watching us leave with instructions to join in 2 hours time (dinner and after-party were in the same place). It was so incredibly awkward and rude..

I went to a similar wedding. They had the ceremony and then the cake and punch right after. Then there was dinner and dancing for those who were invited. I was invited, but some of my friends weren't. It seems tacky, if you can't afford them, then don't invite them at all. I would rather be told that than feel crappy cause I was only half invited.

aurorajanette

jenniferurs said:

Worst wedding I ever went to was an appetizer-only wedding at dinner time. There weren't enough appetizers to compile a whole meal and to make matters worse, appetizers that were meant to be hot were served cold. To top it off, they only had seating for about half the guests, so the majority of us were just standing around the entire night, with no desire to dance, because they were playing soft jazz the entire night. Just an all around disaster.

omg @jenniferurs I think we were at the same wedding! One of my friends did the same thing at her wedding. It was also outside in the end of October and freezing! Not to mention that the hotel shuttle was scheduled to only pick people up at 11PM, no earlier, no later. With no food, no dancing and no heat, we were all really annoyed.

IshiePishie

I don't know where all of you are from, but on Long Island, basically every wedding you go to has a gap between the church and the reception.  It's unfortunate, but to be honest, it's the guest's choice if they want to come to the ceremony.  Close family and friends will "sacrifice" being in their nice clothes for a couple of hours and go sit at a bar or a family member's house for the hour or two, and anyone else can just go to the reception.  I don't think a bride should have to have a 3:30 to 8:30 wedding reception just because she wants to get married at a church.  Also, for brides and grooms that don't want to see each other before the ceremony, when are you supposed to take pictures if there is not a little time between the ceremony and reception?  You're paying for the cocktail hour, you should be able to be there during it!  I guess maybe it's just the norm here and I'm used to it, but I don't think it's a mortal sin.  

Jen4948

IshiePishie said:

I don't know where all of you are from, but on Long Island, basically every wedding you go to has a gap between the church and the reception.  It's unfortunate, but to be honest, it's the guest's choice if they want to come to the ceremony.  Close family and friends will "sacrifice" being in their nice clothes for a couple of hours and go sit at a bar or a family member's house for the hour or two, and anyone else can just go to the reception.  I don't think a bride should have to have a 3:30 to 8:30 wedding reception just because she wants to get married at a church.  Also, for brides and grooms that don't want to see each other before the ceremony, when are you supposed to take pictures if there is not a little time between the ceremony and reception?  You're paying for the cocktail hour, you should be able to be there during it!  I guess maybe it's just the norm here and I'm used to it, but I don't think it's a mortal sin.  

The fact that you are used to it and consider it the "norm" does not make it a polite practice.  It is jerking guests around.

Guests should not have to wait for 5 hours so someone can take photographs of brides and grooms who don't want to see each other before the ceremony.  The photos that can be taken before the ceremony should be.  It should only take maybe 1 hour at most to take photos with both of the couple in them.  Planning for a gap because of this superstition or custom is inconsiderate of guests.

thisismynickname2

IshiePishie said:

I don't know where all of you are from, but on Long Island, basically every wedding you go to has a gap between the church and the reception.  It's unfortunate, but to be honest, it's the guest's choice if they want to come to the ceremony.  Close family and friends will "sacrifice" being in their nice clothes for a couple of hours and go sit at a bar or a family member's house for the hour or two, and anyone else can just go to the reception.  I don't think a bride should have to have a 3:30 to 8:30 wedding reception just because she wants to get married at a church.  Also, for brides and grooms that don't want to see each other before the ceremony, when are you supposed to take pictures if there is not a little time between the ceremony and reception?  You're paying for the cocktail hour, you should be able to be there during it!  I guess maybe it's just the norm here and I'm used to it, but I don't think it's a mortal sin.  

It was the "norm" for me too until I expanded my social circle and went to non-catholic weddings. Epiphany! Non-full-day wedding commitments do exist! When FI and I started planning the number one thing I said was, "I don't want guests to waste an entire day on us." We found a former Catholic priest to marry us outside the Church. We won't have the sacrament performed but it will be legal and spiritual so it was the right fit for us.

ktjanesmom

So a gap is not great but its not the freakin end of the world either.  Deal with it. 

Jen4948

ktjanesmom said:

So a gap is not great but its not the freakin end of the world either.  Deal with it. 

Sure, we'll "deal with it" by leaving the ceremony and not attending the reception because it meant so much for you to have an evening reception after a daytime wedding, or because it meant so much for you to waste everyone's time while you took pictures, because of a superstition, instead of freakin hosting your guests properly.  And that's assuming we accept the invitation at all, given your hostile attitude about being a proper host.  Deal with it.

kmmssg

ktjanesmom said:

So a gap is not great but its not the freakin end of the world either.  Deal with it. 

I am sorry but this is a terrible attitude to have towards your guests.  I only went to one wedding that had a gap - almost 4 hours long and the location made BFE look like a bustling metropolis.  DH and I said never, ever again.  And, that is the one time where you can expect me to attend one or the other and I won't feel a bit guilty about choosing the reception.

wabanzi

The only one that really ever irked me was one in which I was a BM.  As a BM in other weddings, I have always offered to pay for my own dress/shoes/etc., of which only a few brides took my offer. In this particular wedding, I was sent the link to the dress/shoes and was told it would be $XXX.  I never even had the chance to offer to pay.

I took the high ground believing she didn't know any better/cultural differences, and decided to stay in the wedding only to constantly listen to the bride state how she would never (NEVER!) have guests pay to be at her wedding. And I'm standing there in a hideous pink dress and shoes, (hair, nails, etc.) out over $400 as her honored guest.

If I had known what a hypocrite she was going to be, I would have graciously declined the role when she dictated the attire and payment. At least she didn't demand I pay for bouquet she ordered for me to carry. 

Luckily, nearly all of the other weddings I've attended/been a part of, the bride and groom have been wonderful hosts.

CamiSelene

I went to one wedding that I had to fly out for (I was mid vacation) and normally I have no problem with gaps, even if I am from out of town... tbh, I kinda like them because I go around and shop/sightsee. However, this wedding had a gap and I was stuck watching one of my cousin's kids because they were in the bridal party. I was also later asked to man the guest book table because they didn't have anyone to do that. Then, come reception time, they had no alcohol, just fruit punch, which is not a problem for me but the groom's mom was diabetic with other major illnesses and couldn't drink the punch so his dad ended up having to run to the store to buy her some bottles of water! Overall, it was a very sweet/intimate wedding and I was glad I went because I am very close to my family but those were some issues I had. At least there was no dancing and I was able to fly back to continue my vacation that same night!

mysticl

wabanzi said:

The only one that really ever irked me was one in which I was a BM.  As a BM in other weddings, I have always offered to pay for my own dress/shoes/etc., of which only a few brides took my offer. In this particular wedding, I was sent the link to the dress/shoes and was told it would be $XXX.  I never even had the chance to offer to pay.

I took the high ground believing she didn't know any better/cultural differences, and decided to stay in the wedding only to constantly listen to the bride state how she would never (NEVER!) have guests pay to be at her wedding. And I'm standing there in a hideous pink dress and shoes, (hair, nails, etc.) out over $400 as her honored guest.

If I had known what a hypocrite she was going to be, I would have graciously declined the role when she dictated the attire and payment. At least she didn't demand I pay for bouquet she ordered for me to carry. 

Luckily, nearly all of the other weddings I've attended/been a part of, the bride and groom have been wonderful hosts.

Where are you from?  Because in the US it's pretty standard for the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses and shoes.  The bride should take their financial situation into consideration when deciding on the dress but she was not hypocritical.  You did not pay to attend her wedding, you paid for what you wore to her wedding, I assume her guests all did the same and she didn't shell out the money for their clothing.  

kitty8403

mysticl said:

wabanzi said:

The only one that really ever irked me was one in which I was a BM.  As a BM in other weddings, I have always offered to pay for my own dress/shoes/etc., of which only a few brides took my offer. In this particular wedding, I was sent the link to the dress/shoes and was told it would be $XXX.  I never even had the chance to offer to pay.

I took the high ground believing she didn't know any better/cultural differences, and decided to stay in the wedding only to constantly listen to the bride state how she would never (NEVER!) have guests pay to be at her wedding. And I'm standing there in a hideous pink dress and shoes, (hair, nails, etc.) out over $400 as her honored guest.

If I had known what a hypocrite she was going to be, I would have graciously declined the role when she dictated the attire and payment. At least she didn't demand I pay for bouquet she ordered for me to carry. 

Luckily, nearly all of the other weddings I've attended/been a part of, the bride and groom have been wonderful hosts.

Where are you from?  Because in the US it's pretty standard for the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses and shoes.  The bride should take their financial situation into consideration when deciding on the dress but she was not hypocritical.  You did not pay to attend her wedding, you paid for what you wore to her wedding, I assume her guests all did the same and she didn't shell out the money for their clothing.  

^this. For American weddings it is typical that attendants purchase their own attire. The bride should consider everyone's budget and offer to cover the difference if the dress she chooses goes over that amount, but it is generally understood that bridesmaids buy their own dresses.