no shows

themommygirl

last year, when my fiance's brother got married, their uncles (two of their mother's brothers) rsvp ed for themselves, spouses, and children but then didnt come to the wedding. Needless to say, I am very reluctant to invite them because I am scared they will do this to me as well especially because the per- person fee from the bar and caterer for our wedding is going to amount to around $100/person. However, I feel like I am obligated to invite them because I dont want to offend my fiance's mother or grandmother I also worry that the uncles will not understand why they are being left out but it is a simple matter of about $200/ couple as we are not inviting children. So my question is: do I HAVE to invite them? Should I explain my reasoning with my future MIL?

Jen4948

If your FMIL and FGMIL bring up that it's important to them that these no-shows be invited, let them know why you are reluctant to do so, and I'd make it a condition of their being invited that you not be responsible for any eaten costs if they no-show at your wedding.

HisGirlFriday13

themommygirl said:

last year, when my fiance's brother got married, their uncles (two of their mother's brothers) rsvp ed for themselves, spouses, and children but then didnt come to the wedding. Needless to say, I am very reluctant to invite them because I am scared they will do this to me as well especially because the per- person fee from the bar and caterer for our wedding is going to amount to around $100/person. However, I feel like I am obligated to invite them because I dont want to offend my fiance's mother or grandmother I also worry that the uncles will not understand why they are being left out but it is a simple matter of about $200/ couple as we are not inviting children. So my question is: do I HAVE to invite them? Should I explain my reasoning with my future MIL?

That greatly depends on who's paying. If you and your FI are paying, or you, your FI and your parents are paying, then no. He who pays gets a say, and if your FMIL and FGMIL aren't paying, they don't get a say in the guest list.

That being said, you're going to end up inviting people just to keep the peace, and these might be those kind of invites.

But I would absolutely sit FMIL and FGMIL down and say, "Look, I am reluctant to invite Uncle and Aunt A and Uncle and Aunt B after they RSVP'd that they were attending FBIL's wedding but then didn't. Also, we will not be inviting their children regardless because we are having a child-free wedding. If we invite them and they do not attend, it will be the last event to which they will be invited that we are co-ordinating."

I posted a thread on a similar topic on another board today. Some of my FI's friends RSVP'd to another friend's wedding, then didn't come, and when they saw the bride and groom VOLUNTARILY said, "Oh, sorry, the football game looked good so we didn't want to leave for your wedding." (And by 'leave,' I mean 'turn off the TV.') I've told FI, if they pull that stunt at our wedding, it will irreparably damage our friendships with them.

I'm a big believer in actions needing to have consequences. Anyone who RSVPs to a wedding and then doesn't attend -- without a very, very good reason, like death or dismemberment or an accident -- deserves the consequence of not being invited, in future, to fun events.