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We generally try to persuade people not to give friends/family fake titles. And that list of "duties" is kind of ridiculous. A friend who wants to be involved in the wedding and wants to be there to listen to you complain about the wedding will volunteer to do so, even without a title.
If you want to do something special for them, give them a reading to do, or a flower, or just a special, handwritten note about how awesome they are. This will go a million times farther then some made-up name.
Okay, so my fiance' and I are getting married in a very small spot and are keeping our ceremony intimate. There really isn't enough room for us to have a wedding party, plus we have always said we wanted to keep the ceremony focus on us. We both have very close friends that we want to include in the ceremony somehow. I found a neat idea for something called Non-Bridesmaids at this site:http://apracticalwedding.com/2009/02/wedding-party-alternatives-non/. Has anyone had experience with this before? How would people take it? I love the idea, but don't want to offend anyone. Thanks!
And it's totally ok to not have a bridal party, for whatever reason you want. The point is, your friends will be involved if they want to, and assigning them a title and duties doesn't make them want to be anymore involved and really doesn't make them any more special. There's nothing to say you can't ask your friends to go shopping with you, or look at flowers, or whatever. The point is not to be upset if they say no and that goes for friends or bridal party members. Something personal and hearfelt goes alot farther than public reconition.
I'm sorry. I should have explained that I changed the card a little. I completely omitted the line about throwing a shower, because I didn't want them to feel obligated. I guess I thought I would be doing my friends a favor by not asking them to spend the money on hair/makeup/dress/etc. But, it seems I may have offended them. I have already sent the cards out and they all seemed excited. But, it could have been an act. Okay ladies, put yourselves in their shoes. What if you had already received these "invitations" from the bride, but now the bride comes to you and explains she had good intentions, but went about it the wrong way and asks you to be full-on BM with hair/makeup/everything. Would you be relieved that she came around or confused about what she really wanted or what?
Emmyg: Thanks for your comment. I'm glad someone on this website has something positive to say.I posted the exact same question on WeddingWire and got back nothing but positive responses and good, constructive criticism. All you all have done is make me feel like a complete idiot and that my friends hate me. I mean, "Also, the whole, doing them a favor excuse is dumb." Really? Most of my friends are college students who can barely afford textbooks. So, no, I DON'T think that saving them money on a dress/hair/makeup is DUMB. I think it's smart and appreciated. So keep your petty insults off of my discussion.
OP - I found your WW thread. You had lots of mixed reviews there too. Most people just didn't get it as all the non-BM duties are basically what the wedding industry sells to brides as being "BM duties." So add me to the list of "I don't get it" people. You weren't getting the validation you wanted there, so you came here and got the same results.
You have been given some solutions to fix this problem, I hope you can do it without offending your friends.
Well, it would appear that "TheKnot" doesn't have the same "keep it positive" policy that WeddingWire does. Please remember, it's not what you say, but the way that you say it. I don't mind constructive criticism, but please keep it positive.
I don't want any "validation". I wanted constructive criticism. Any posts with "dumb," "fucked up," etc. in them are anything but that. I didn't want everyone to rave that the nonBM idea was good. If everyone agreed then we would not have the need for this forum. I got a lot of constructive feedback that I value. It's responses in which people go out of their way to make me feel stupid that I don't appreciate. Sidenote: I posted to both sites to get as much feedback as possible, not for any other reason.
@doeydo: That's what I am going to do. I am going to talk to the girls and explain I meant well but what I did, but feel as though I may have offended them. I'm going to tell them I want to give them the full honor they deserve of being my BM and make sure they are okay with it.