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Snarky Brides
msdidonato
member
Not sure how to react
First off, I am hoping that this bride is not on this. But if she is and reads this, so be it.
I have a friend from college who I was pretty close with. She got engaged a year ago and waited a year to even pick a date. They chose May 30th 2014. I was asked to be a bridesmaids. I agreed.
Several weeks after she asked me to be in her wedding, My now fiance proposed (In August 2013). We wanted a spring wedding (for several factors) and didn't want to wait till 2015 so we chose April or May 2014. After taking different things into consideration we decided on May 18th 2014.
I have a friend from college who I was pretty close with. She got engaged a year ago and waited a year to even pick a date. They chose May 30th 2014. I was asked to be a bridesmaids. I agreed.
Several weeks after she asked me to be in her wedding, My now fiance proposed (In August 2013). We wanted a spring wedding (for several factors) and didn't want to wait till 2015 so we chose April or May 2014. After taking different things into consideration we decided on May 18th 2014.
I did not ask her to be a bridesmaid for several reason, one being that knowing her wedding was 2 weeks later, that it would be a really busy time for her. I had planned on going to all her events (bridal parties etc even though the wedding is out of the state AND she lived out of the state at the time), and had even e-mailed her MOH about things I could help do and started a cute little pinterest book for her.
Once I told this bride about my wedding date, she was upset. She ended up telling me that "because it feels like you don't really care about me or my wedding at all. And yes, in your words, you are stealing my thunder, and it kind of feels like it's on purpose. I just don't feel like planning a wedding for less than 2 weeks before mine is something someone that is supposed to be a good friend of mine would do. I would understand if there was some reason that you absolutely had to do it as quickly as possible, but it didn't seem like that was the case. Like I said in our previous conversation, if the situation were reversed you know that someone doing this to you would upset you too. The weeks and days leading up to your wedding are usually the most stressful and I would like to have to ability to put all my extra energy into my own wedding not someone else's and I want you to have the same ability."
I am not sure what I should do. I told her to call me when she got a chance, and she never has. Should I just leave it be? or try and mend the friendship?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Not sure how to react
It's a little silly of her to be taking it this way - doesn't sound like a good friend to badger you about when you choose to do the wedding. But at the same time..is there really no other good time to have it besides 2 days after hers?
Twelve days before, as in almost two weeks, Carissaroberts. Msdidonato, her rant and kicking you out is unacceptable, IMHO. You asking her to call you, however, is rude, IMHO. If you wanted to talk it out, you could have called her. Do that if you want to maintain a cordial relationship.
OK. Good luck.
We are each other's BMs and my MOH (who's her MB) and her MOH (who's my BM) threw us an awesome bachelorette.
Now for the advice: Make an effort, as you have been. Reach out, possibly in writing so she can chew on it for a bit. But then be ready to move on. Kicking someone out of the wedding party is a friendship ending move. It sounds like she could use a little TK.
As a bride, you get ONE DAY. ONE. You can't hold it against anyone for picking any date other than your own. As long as your checked with all of your VIPs to make sure that they could come on that date, you don't need to change anything. Yes, it's possible that this girl may not be able to come to your wedding. But if she can't, so be it. However, you have agreed to be in her Bridal Party - so if you Honeymoon directly after your wedding, make sure you are back in time for her rehearsal. You shouldn't break that commitment.
One of my BMs selected 5/17/14 as her date about three months after i selected 5/31/14. She checked with me first (I'm a BM in her wedding as well), and i told her she doens't need to be available to me until 5/31. If she's back from her honeymoon in time for the rehearsal, great, if not, it's no big deal. It does help that we're both getting married in the same town (where we currently live). But seriously, it's not a big deal. This girl needs to grow up and get over it, or lose a friend.
Also, you're not "stealing her thunder." If you're getting married in the same town, try to not use the same vendors - but it sounds like you're getting married elsewhere, so that won't be an issue. two of my bridesmaids got engaged after i did and both are getting married before i am (we're having a long engagement because of our venue's availability). it's not a big deal, and i'm happy for them.
People that act like this because of weddings are likely not mature enough to handle actually being married. If you're so stressed about planning a wedding that you'll freak out on one of your closest friends, how are you going to react when something that is actually serious comes up? Like your kid is sick, or your husband loses his job, or REAL LIFE PROBLEMS????
@daveANDkristen. No update. She has not e-mailed me back at all. I honestly don't see her every e-mailing me back. The friendship is done in my eyes. I was hoping she would call or at least give me some sort of response that would let me know she wanted to continue the friendship but she maybe to hurt at the moment. Which I would accept. I don't agree with her stance on the situation, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Sounds like you've done all you can, and that she is NOT a very good friend.