Help please! I have a reception seating problem..

ndelgaizo

I really need some advice from other brides out there. Last night I got a call from my grandparents (on my mothers side) saying that if I don't have that whole side of the family sit together- they won't come (about 10-12people). This this just the jist of the conversation- there was alot of yelling and not very nice things said to me, and at the end of the call I was completely in tears. I didn't get to explain that I had just- literally two days ago, handed in my seating chart and escort cards to my venue, and I had already placed everyone in the family. So my issue now is that I don't know how to respond to this. I'm already upset at the thought of not having some of my closest family there- but I really don't know how to fix the seating either. I purposely placed people at tables that would get along with one another but also have the families combined. I didn't want to have one side of the family at table 1 and another at table 2. I thought it was the right thing to have the families all mingle together. I know this is a bit of a vent- but any advice on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Maggie0829

I would ignore them.  If they get to your wedding and decide to leave over their seating placement, then they will look ridiculous, not you.

Honestly, they are major assholes for calling you up and yelling at you about such a silly thing.  It isn't like you sat them with people they don't know.  It sounds like you sat them with family and other people that they get along with.  I would definitely call their bluff on this one.

grumbledore

I agree with @Maggie0829 - ignore it.  That's rude and insane.

mysticl

Do you really think they wouldn't show up?  Will it cause drama for years?  If so you may want to call your venue and see if you can make some adjustments.  I agree it was rude of them to call you up and yell at you about seating.  It's up to you if you want to do anything about it.  

I understand seating people together who would get along. The way I'm interpreting it is that you mixed your family and your FI's family together.   If that is the case I'm not understanding why you did that.  My experience is that families often consider weddings to be a sort of reunion and use it to spend time together.  They aren't really looking to become friends with the other side who they may never see again.  I've been married almost 3 years and the 2 sides have not had contact since then, not even when our son was born.  They staggered their visits so they weren't here at the same time.  

ndelgaizo

Mysticl: Unfortunatly, yes I believe if the seating isn't fixed they really won't show. I did mix my family and FI's but the families mostly live in the same area, and most already know each other. I figured since this was the case, mixing families would be a nice way for everyone to talk and catch up during the dinner. I don't really want to go though and change the seating plan because I'll baically start back at square one again, but I'd rather go through that headache with the venue than not have my family there for the wedding. Thanks for the advice- hopefully I can find a solution to please everyone in the next 2 weeks.

Maggie0829

ndelgaizo said:

Mysticl: Unfortunatly, yes I believe if the seating isn't fixed they really won't show. I did mix my family and FI's but the families mostly live in the same area, and most already know each other. I figured since this was the case, mixing families would be a nice way for everyone to talk and catch up during the dinner. I don't really want to go though and change the seating plan because I'll baically start back at square one again, but I'd rather go through that headache with the venue than not have my family there for the wedding. Thanks for the advice- hopefully I can find a solution to please everyone in the next 2 weeks.

I want to reiterate that your family is being ridiculous, rude and immature.  If you keep wanting to feed that fire then go ahead and bend over backwards to appease them.  But unless you hold your ground they will always consider you a doormat that they can walk all over until they get their way.

Jen4948

I think that considering how horrible your grandparents are being, if they're not at your wedding you'll have dodged a bullet.

JMalettas

Maggie0829 said:

ndelgaizo said:

Mysticl: Unfortunatly, yes I believe if the seating isn't fixed they really won't show. I did mix my family and FI's but the families mostly live in the same area, and most already know each other. I figured since this was the case, mixing families would be a nice way for everyone to talk and catch up during the dinner. I don't really want to go though and change the seating plan because I'll baically start back at square one again, but I'd rather go through that headache with the venue than not have my family there for the wedding. Thanks for the advice- hopefully I can find a solution to please everyone in the next 2 weeks.

I want to reiterate that your family is being ridiculous, rude and immature.  If you keep wanting to feed that fire then go ahead and bend over backwards to appease them.  But unless you hold your ground they will always consider you a doormat that they can walk all over until they get their way.

 Ditto! I understand wanting to 'keep-the-peace,' but this is completely ridiculous! There is NO way I'd give in to this! THAT would be the day!

Dreamergirl8812

I'm sorry but fuck your grandma. She sounds crazy.

Also, I think @HisGirlFriday can relate to this (she has an evil grandma in law).

WonderRed

There is nothing for you to do here.  This is beyond ridiculous and if they choose to act like toddlers over this that is their problem, not yours.

kmmssg

I agree that you shouldn't give in because you need to start building boundaries with these people, but as a MOB, I think mixing the families at tables is a bad idea.  It is a pet peeve of mine.  If they seriously won't attend, you have to make a value judgement here.  In the big picture, long term arena of life - do you give in to their crazy, rude demands so they will attend, or do you say, sorry, this is the way it is.

  I don't go to weddings to mingle with the side I don't know and am not related to.  I go to catch up with my family and friends.  I don't want to sit with the other side's Aunt Hilda and Uncle Harold when I could be  having a great meal with the people I am really close to.

Our 4th DD gets married next Summer and I refuse to mix the families at tables.  Even if I only have a table with 5 or 6 people.  It is awkward and these people will not have a social connection after the reception ends.  I say all of  this as a warning to other brides - families don't want to be mixed like that!

ndelgaizo

Thanks for the advice ladies my FI agrees that I shouldn't give in... so I'm going to talk with my grandmother and hopefully she will understand that the seats are done and aren't going to change. I'm just nervous about her response

Knottie1450123632

tongue in cheek- set up another table (kiddie) table just for them.  lol

ndelgaizo

Scribe95: I didn't tell anyone about the seating chart.. this happened because of a comment made when they asked about my aunt and her husband sitting with my mother ( it's a long argument thats been going on in my family) and my mother had said "oh don't worry they're sitting with together with [other family from that side] two tables over"
That one comment is what led to my grandparents acting the way they are
Also I actually went to talk with them and they were completely rude again. They told me if I didnt fix the seats the way they wanted when they got to the reception they were just going to sit with the rest of the family regardless of the seating chart and didnt care if it upset other people at the wedding.

AddieCake

Just ignore it. Anybody who would boycott your wedding over this are people you don't need in your life anyway. ETA: If they sit where they want anyway, just let it go for the day. No sense letting their asshattery ruin your day. And I might say exactly that to them at some point, that you decided not to let their asshattery be an issue.

lizandmark2014

I see it the way scribe95 does. I am glad you are standing your ground.

huskypuppy14

They are being the rude ones, and it will look bad on them, not you.  Also, I wouldn't purposely try to mix and mingle people from both sides, but I'm sure for a lot of weddings not everyone gets to sit with the people they may like to.  I think as long as people know at least someone else at their table it's fine.  What if you have 13 members of a family, and the tables only sit 10. You can sit 10 people at one table and 3 at another mixed in. Or you could split it 6 and 7 or whatever.  I'm sorry if Grandma moves her seat around, what if it kicks someone else out?

daniellesque

As someone from a painfully dramatic family, let me start by giving you a virtual hug!! It's really not fair that you have been threatened by anyone, ESPECIALLY your grandparents, to not attend your wedding because of something so trivial. I know that they probably don't realize all the stress that goes into wedding planning (I know my grandparents don't!), but it's really no excuse for them to threaten not to attend what is one of the most important days of your life! I agree with everyone else that you should set boundaries and if they don't come, then that's on them - NOT you! You can't control their actions, only how you react to them (cheesy but true). If you want your guests to mingle by sitting in mixed groups then I applaud you being true to how you want YOUR wedding. Afterall, it's your day! I bet your grandparents will come, and I'm going to say a prayer for you that they make a new friend at their table so that it might just humble them a little bit! Best of luck and sending lots of good vibes that all turns out perfectly.

grumbledore

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I'm sorry but fuck your grandma. She sounds crazy.

Also, I think @HisGirlFriday can relate to this (she has an evil grandma in law).

This.  I didn't think I would ever need to utter the words "Fuck your grandma" but it is apropos here.

Jen4948

scribe95 said:

The way they are reacting I totally see them just moving the seats where they want. Just ignore it. Kill them with kindness, I guess.

Sounds like kindness doesn't work with these people.  As @Dreamergirl8812 said, fuck them.