My daughter has not written Thank You notes

TheVirginians

The title says pretty much all of it. I'm embarrassed and I can't really do anything about it. They were married in May and were moved cross country by the Army in August and October first, so they have had a lot going on. Next week her husband will be deployed. Then she will start looking for a job and getting another degree. Whenever I ask her about them, she gets angry with me. Is there anything I can do?

mysticl

There is nothing you can do.  The more you push the more she will probably resist.  Once he deploys she may do them since she will have more time on her hands.  That's when I did mine though my husband deployed much sooner after our wedding. 

Just a note about being part of a military family.  It is a violation of security protocols to discuss specific dates for the start/end of deployments (especially posting them on the internet) unless the military has made an official announcement (i.e. press release) to the public.  Deployments dates have been changed and even extended because of this.  

annathy03

I doubt it, and she's a grown woman so it's her faux pas to make, but I'll second giving her an earful about it being rude and ungrateful.

Also, this isn't the right reason to write thank you notes, but if I get someone a wedding gift and don't get a thank you note, then they don't get a baby shower gift from me.

SlothGoals

I would let it go and just remember this if she ever gets upset at not being thanked for something.

LDubHawksFan

Lobster1987 said:

Probably not....If she were my kid, I would straight up tell her how ungrateful she is and that guests spent time and money picking out a gift for her. The least she can do is send a thank you card for their efforts. She would get an earful from me...

^ This!

Jen4948

No, this is something your daughter and son-in-law need to learn their own lesson on the hard way.

If someone blames you for not getting a thank-you note from them, tell them, "I'm sorry that you haven't gotten a thank-you note for your gift, but it is on her and her husband to send you that note.  You will have to take it up with them.  I do not bear responsibility for your not getting that note."

JustNicki

Like PPs said, there's nothing you can do to make her do the right thing.  Unfortunately, she's not 5 anymore so you can't just take away her TV privileges until she does it.  Oh if only it were that easy . She'll learn the hard way.

mlg78

You've said what you can and clearly she knows she's wrong if she gets angry...  I'm the kind of person, however, that wouldn't give her another gift for a holiday or birthday until she sends them out and my reasoning would be, "Clearly you aren't thankful for gifts you've received so why should I give you any more?"

Dreamergirl8812

Paging @NYCMercedes  <------ I think she had that problem too. At the very least you can commiserate together.

MrsLillyG

yea I don't think there is anything else you can say.  I wonder y she thinks its ok to wait this long?

erinlin25

Bummer for you but she is an adult so her and her husband are the ones who are rude-- It sounds like they have had a whirlwind of life changes so I would be somewhat forgiving as long as a thank you was received soon.  She gets angry because she knows she is behind so the more you ask the more annoyed she gets.  Only thing you can do is offer to help-- she needs to write them but maybe you can help find/make the thank you's?  even if she writes 5-10 each day they will be finished in no time.  People are probably annoyed already but once they get a thank you they will forgive/forget. 

My friend got married in June and I have yet to receive a thank you--even from the bridal shower in April!  Annoying, yes; do I disown her as a friend, no.

RebeccaB88

My mother would flat out put the fear of God into me if I waited even half as long as your daughter did.

banana468

mlg78 said:

You've said what you can and clearly she knows she's wrong if she gets angry...  I'm the kind of person, however, that wouldn't give her another gift for a holiday or birthday until she sends them out and my reasoning would be, "Clearly you aren't thankful for gifts you've received so why should I give you any more?"

I really like this.

MobKaz

erinlin25 said:

Bummer for you but she is an adult so her and her husband are the ones who are rude-- It sounds like they have had a whirlwind of life changes so I would be somewhat forgiving as long as a thank you was received soon.  She gets angry because she knows she is behind so the more you ask the more annoyed she gets.  Only thing you can do is offer to help-- she needs to write them but maybe you can help find/make the thank you's?  even if she writes 5-10 each day they will be finished in no time.  People are probably annoyed already but once they get a thank you they will forgive/forget. 

My friend got married in June and I have yet to receive a thank you--even from the bridal shower in April!  Annoying, yes; do I disown her as a friend, no.

Sorry....this is one of my pet peeve/soap box issues and I cannot tell you how much I disagree with this statement.  The only thing she needs help with is her attitude.  She managed to get an education, plan a wedding, open all the gifts, marry, and relocate without assistance.  It sounds to me as if she is very capable when the result benefits HER.  

grumbledore

TheVirginians said:

The title says pretty much all of it. I'm embarrassed and I can't really do anything about it. They were married in May and were moved cross country by the Army in August and October first, so they have had a lot going on. Next week her husband will be deployed. Then she will start looking for a job and getting another degree. Whenever I ask her about them, she gets angry with me. Is there anything I can do?

If it were my kid, adult or not, I would give her a lecture until her face turned purple.  I have no patience for people who don't send thank you notes.

grumbledore

annathy03 said:

I doubt it, and she's a grown woman so it's her faux pas to make, but I'll second giving her an earful about it being rude and ungrateful.

Also, this isn't the right reason to write thank you notes, but if I get someone a wedding gift and don't get a thank you note, then they don't get a baby shower gift from me.

Likewise.  Or any other gift, ever again.

TheVirginians

You have all very great ideas. I am greatful.

TheVirginians

Grateful.

freebread03

My brother got married in mid august-many of my parents friends sent gifts even though they were not invited to the wedding. I sent a generous check after the wedding (since I forgot my checkbook) and was worried that he didn't get it because it took a while for him to cash it. A month after it was cashed, I still haven't received a thank you. I mentioned something to my mom, and she told me that her friends were starting to ask if he got their gifts because he hasn't sent thank you notes. My mom is super embarrassed-I think she might say something to him because her friends were asking. I'm super irritated that he hasn't thanked me or FI-I wrote a generous check and spent almost 2k to travel to his wedding, helped set up for the rehearsal dinner, and nada. Needless to say, I won't be giving gifts in the future. (And I had a really nice family heirloom piece of art I was about to gift him to...oh well!)

marshmallow1982

did she say she was intending to do it at some point or is she just not doing them?

TheVirginians

She says she will get to them when she is not so busy.

WedReMix13

It bugs me months later still that I have not received a Thank You note from a wedding earlier this year. I think its very important to do, even if you just say "Thank You Aunt Claire for coming to our wedding!" or " Thanks Uncle Tom for the Crockpot, we love it"...shoot even " Im sorry Susy, you couldnt make it, we missed you!". 

Xstatic3333

freebread03 said:

My brother got married in mid august-many of my parents friends sent gifts even though they were not invited to the wedding. I sent a generous check after the wedding (since I forgot my checkbook) and was worried that he didn't get it because it took a while for him to cash it. A month after it was cashed, I still haven't received a thank you. I mentioned something to my mom, and she told me that her friends were starting to ask if he got their gifts because he hasn't sent thank you notes. My mom is super embarrassed-I think she might say something to him because her friends were asking. I'm super irritated that he hasn't thanked me or FI-I wrote a generous check and spent almost 2k to travel to his wedding, helped set up for the rehearsal dinner, and nada. Needless to say, I won't be giving gifts in the future. (And I had a really nice family heirloom piece of art I was about to gift him to...oh well!)

It might not be too late for your brother; I had all of mine for my mid-August wedding out about a month ago, but I'm an e-board junkie. I think three months is more the standard for our group. Hopefully he and/or wife will snap out of it once people start asking THEM if their gifts were received!