Best way to walk down the aisle?

lizandmark2014

I am angry with my father. I asked him to walk me down the aisle a while ago. Now I am not so sure I want him to do so. Advice/ opinions please.

bride2b71614

A few questions: 1. When is your wedding? 2. Is he still invited to/attending the wedding? 3. Is whatever went down between you and your father fixable?

I ask these because my advice depends on those questions. If your wedding is months away, whatever happened between you and your father could blow over by then. If he's not attending or refuses to attend the wedding, the problem of who will walk you down the aisle is already solved. 

lizandmark2014

My date is 3-16-14.
I am not sure about fixable.
Yes he is still invited. No matter how big a butt he is I can set aside differences for a day no problem.

katieg520

Well, you said that you can set aside difference for a day... does that include allowing him to walk you down the aisle? Does he not want you to?
I think if you wanted to walk alone, it's perfectly ok, but may hurt your dad's feelings. I don't really know what kind of advice to give you since we don't know the situation, but I think you just have to go with your gut and do what you feel is right.

lizandmark2014

Katieg520 you commented on my post from Sept. That is why I am angry.

bride2b71614

I just saw your last post (re discrimination). If I am understanding this correctly your father is paying for a portion of your wedding, at the same time, he has a racist/homophobic mentality. Unless you refused/declined the portion of money he offered to pay, he is an integral part of your wedding. He may not have had any say in the guest list, but he is still your father and if he did contribute financially to your wedding, you might not get as much of a say as you'd like.  If you don't feel comfortable with him walking you down the aisle, don't let him. The thing is, your father's mentality is not going to change any time soon. If you feel like you are talking to a wall while attempting to reason with him, don't continue to do so. He can attend as a guest, or he can play a part in the ceremony. Its up to you. 

lizandmark2014

Thank you bride2b71514.

emmyg65

My husband and I walked down the aisle together. You can also walk down by yourself.

KytchynWitche

Having wrestled this dilemma myself recently (for different reasons), all I can say is this: The best way to walk down the aisle is the one that you're comfortable with.

If you want to walk down the aisle by yourself, do it. If you want to walk with your FI, do it. If you want to be escorted by a rodeo clown, DO IT!

Just make sure that whatever you choose to do, you tell your father about it well ahead of time and in a rational and "unemotional" manner (meaning no yelling and screaming, no "you always/you never" type statements, etc). That's not to "spare his feelings", but to make sure there's no unpleasantness on the day - the last thing you want is to have him pitch a hissy fit the morning of.

katieg520

Katieg520 you commented on my post from Sept. That is why I am angry.

Gotcha.... well, I'd say you were in a tough situation. I can see where you'd be angry, as I'd be angry too. But I was thinking about this last night and I think you have to make the decision that you'd be ok living with. For instance, would you be mad at yourself in a year, ten years, etc if you didn't allow your dad to walk you down the aisle??

SBmini

I think your father's demands are really reprehensible. You need to decide how you want this to impact not just your wedding, but your relationship together. Can you put it aside and have the wedding your originally pictured? Or, do you need to sit him down and tell him that because he can't accept your friends, you don't want him to stand with you. It's all a matter of how upset you are and whether or not you want to use this opportunity to take a stand.

Dreamergirl8812

When I walk down the aisle (next week aaaaaaaah!) I will be clinging to my dad. I'm so glad to have someone to hold on to. OP, if walking with your dad would not make you feel the way I described, then you need to either walk by yourself or with you FI. You can pick another man (uncle, grandpa, brother) but that may cause drama with your dad.

As PPs said, you need to feel comfortable walking down the aisle.

lizandmark2014

Dreamgirl8812, Congrats!!! And thank you.

lizandmark2014

Thank you to everyone for the wonderful opinions and advice.

Swazzle

Dreamergirl8812 said:

When I walk down the aisle (next week aaaaaaaah!) I will be clinging to my dad. I'm so glad to have someone to hold on to. OP, if walking with your dad would not make you feel the way I described, then you need to either walk by yourself or with you FI. You can pick another man (uncle, grandpa, brother) but that may cause drama with your dad.

As PPs said, you need to feel comfortable walking down the aisle.

Or woman. 

My mom walked me down the aisle and that was the best decision for me. For the most part, I do not speak to my biological father, although he was invited to and attended my wedding.