Destination Weddings Discussions

+1 dilemma...

My finace and I are having a destination wedding in Hawaii. A good chunk of our guests will be travelling from the east coast to celebrate with us. Some of the recommendations I have been reading for saving costs on your own wedding is to only allow +1's for guests you know have been dating their partners for at least one year, or you have met the +1 they plan to bring. If your guests are travelling such a far distance for your wedding would it be totally unkind to not allow a +1 for them??! I would really like to stay as close to my budget as possible (as many of us do), but at the same time I don't want guests to RSVP 'no' because they can't bring someone. What would you do???

Re: +1 dilemma...

  • First congrats on your upcoming wedding! I haven't been to Hawaii but have heard it's gorgeous.

    I am having a destination wedding in Costa Rica this spring so I get where you're coming from.  I think you need to allow a +1 at minimum for anyone in a relationship. I'm not sure how far out your wedding is, and I know it's difficult to figure out as relationship changes over the course of say a year, but it's not really up to you to determine the seriousness of a relationship, if that makes sense. I.e. - some could "only" be together for 6 months, or perhaps you haven't had a chance to meet them, but really serious. I actually was at the losing end of this once. I was together with my now-fiance and he was invited to a family wedding. Since they hadn't met me, and since we were young, I did not get invited. It really hurt! Obviously it's different with truly single guests, and you know your budget best but...  

    I personally decided to allow a +1 for all my guests as I feel like they would be more comfortable with the option of a travel companion, and I am really hoping to increase attendance as much as possible. (My guests are also mainly coming from the East Coast, 5+ hours) While it is in my budget if everyone decided to come, so far non of my single guests are bringing a +1. We will see how it shakes out, but I just didn't want someone to decline because they felt uncomfortable traveling alone. That's just my opinion (about allowing everyone a +1), but I do think you need to extend the invite to anyone in a relationship.  Good luck!
  • I am also having a DW in Hawaii (we are from Miami). We are expecting a group of about 15-20 people to fly out from Miami. I had the same issue because of the cost. I decided to allow +1's for my guests because in all reality, they are traveling across the country to go to the wedding and not many people are going to want to vacation by themselves. I don't think it's a good idea to only extend a +1 invitation depending on the length of time a couple has been together or only if you have met their partner. This would probably cause some tension between you and your friend, and someone will probably feel hurt (your friend or their partner). But you have to do what you're budget allows you to and what you feel comfortable with. Good luck!
  • You don't have to extend a +1 for truly single guests, but etiquette states that everyone in a relationship - no  matter for how long or whether or not you've met their partner - be invited with their SO to a wedding. Also, if any one of your single guests enters a relationship between now and your wedding, they need to be invited with their SO. The Etiquette board receives this question a lot, so head over there for more advice about +1s (and someone correct me if I'm wrong!).

    Good luck, and congrats on your wedding!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • WiscDoll is correct - etiquette states that you give a +1 to anyone with a SO, regardless of relationship time or your familiarity with the SO. 

    For a DW I think you need to go a step further and let everyone have the option to bring someone along. At least, if you want those people to actually consider attending your wedding. It can be stressful and a little scary to travel alone (especially if someone isn't an avid traveler) and they would be much more likely to attend and actually have a good time if they were able to have a companion to share the stress AND the cost of a trip. 
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