my fiance and i are having a short (4-month) engagement and getting married in december. neither one us want a big ceremony/reception and we are grateful to be celebrating with our close friends and immediate family (who are coming in from out of town). we are on a budget and just want to have a simple church ceremony and a simple brunch reception afterward (very difficult to find on a budget in nyc, but we managed to do it). my parents have been extremely respectful of our wishes to keep things simple, and have given us a modest contribution to help pay for whatever kind of reception we like.
the trouble is, i have a large extended family in the area that we would also like to include, while still keeping in our vision of an intimate reception on a budget. after a lot of discussion, my parents offered to pay for/host a family dinner celebration the next day (and also invite them to the ceremony the previous day). my immediate family and fiance all agreed this was a good compromise. however, once the word got out to the extended family that we were having 2 "receptions" and that the one following the ceremony was not the family one, things hit the fan. i understand that there are inconveniences to our plan, but it was never our intention to make anyone feel disrespected or like second class citizens. since it is only 2 months to our wedding, most of the big decisions have been made and would be difficult to change. the spokespeople of the extended family feel like we need to include them in the brunch reception, or else they will not come to the ceremony or the family dinner my parents are hosting. the thing is, i would have been willing to consider going out of my way to include them in the brunch had they presented their feelings in a way that didn't seem like they were attacking our character. now, even if we were to go out of my way to satisfy them, if just wouldn't feel quite right to anyone. the situation has caused me a lot of stress--any thoughts?