So last night the BF asked me...

ShallowSeas

if I was ready to take the next step and buy a house together! Not the question I was expecting, but still great news!!! Our lease is up in April and so we're gonna start looking for houses this week!!! Eeeeeek!!!!

CLoGreenEyes

Congrats! Have so much fun looking at houses!

[Deleted User]

How exciting to know he wants to take the "next step" with you! I'm sure this is an exciting time for you both.

Word of caution: I'd have a discussion about how the two of you plan to handle the financial aspect of this and if (heaven forbid) you two were to break up how you'd handle that. I realize this is not a fun topic to discuss right now...but it is important. I've known quite a few couples who rushed into purchasing a home and then had to deal with a messy breakup. Who's paying for the down payment? Who's covering the cost of an inspection, any necessary home repairs/painting, who's responsible for utilities, HOA fees? If you do end up splitting is one person buying the other person out of the home or are you going to sell it and split the profits (or more likely share the loss)?

Buying a home is super exciting, but it is a big responsibility. It's also an extremely emotional purchase which can cause a lot of heartache if there is ever a split up. Think about what you can handle financially on your own and be sure you and your man have a serious conversation about who's contributing what.

KeptInStitches

Congrats! Have fun!

ShallowSeas

allusive007 said:

How exciting to know he wants to take the "next step" with you! I'm sure this is an exciting time for you both.

Word of caution: I'd have a discussion about how the two of you plan to handle the financial aspect of this and if (heaven forbid) you two were to break up how you'd handle that. I realize this is not a fun topic to discuss right now...but it is important. I've known quite a few couples who rushed into purchasing a home and then had to deal with a messy breakup. Who's paying for the down payment? Who's covering the cost of an inspection, any necessary home repairs/painting, who's responsible for utilities, HOA fees? If you do end up splitting is one person buying the other person out of the home or are you going to sell it and split the profits (or more likely share the loss)?

Buying a home is super exciting, but it is a big responsibility. It's also an extremely emotional purchase which can cause a lot of heartache if there is ever a split up. Think about what you can handle financially on your own and be sure you and your man have a serious conversation about who's contributing what.

Thanks for the advice!!! There's definitely a lot to discuss. We were up until 3 am last night talking about things related to buying a house and the financial aspects of it, and I'm sure there will be plenty more discussions in the upcoming weeks/months.

loves2shop4shoes

I'll come in and rain on your parade here.

I'm sorry to be negative, but this is advice I firmly believe in.  And it's an unpopular opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.

It is NEVER a smart idea to purchase a home with someone you are not MARRIED to.  It's just not.  I've seen it go bad so so SO many times.  I'm not saying your relationship won't last.  I don't know you.

All I'm saying is, unless he puts TWO rings on it, I would SERIOUSLY rethink purchasing property with him.

ShallowSeas

loves2shop4shoes said:

I'll come in and rain on your parade here.

I'm sorry to be negative, but this is advice I firmly believe in.  And it's an unpopular opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.

It is NEVER a smart idea to purchase a home with someone you are not MARRIED to.  It's just not.  I've seen it go bad so so SO many times.  I'm not saying your relationship won't last.  I don't know you.

All I'm saying is, unless he puts TWO rings on it, I would SERIOUSLY rethink purchasing property with him.

Your opinion is not negative, its realistic and I appreciate it. I had the same thoughts when he first asked me about buying a house, and we're still discussing all the "what ifs" and pros and cons. I have also seen this go bad with people I know, so I am making sure that we have everything figured out, if we choose to purchase a home, should something happen to our relationship.

lennonkdc

shyannelise said:

loves2shop4shoes said:

I'll come in and rain on your parade here.

I'm sorry to be negative, but this is advice I firmly believe in.  And it's an unpopular opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.

It is NEVER a smart idea to purchase a home with someone you are not MARRIED to.  It's just not.  I've seen it go bad so so SO many times.  I'm not saying your relationship won't last.  I don't know you.

All I'm saying is, unless he puts TWO rings on it, I would SERIOUSLY rethink purchasing property with him.

Your opinion is not negative, its realistic and I appreciate it. I had the same thoughts when he first asked me about buying a house, and we're still discussing all the "what ifs" and pros and cons. I have also seen this go bad with people I know, so I am making sure that we have everything figured out, if we choose to purchase a home, should something happen to our relationship.

Make sure that the agreement covers down payment, mortgage payments, insurance, whose name is on the title, are both of you taking out the mortgage or just one of you, and, thought not house related- how does buying the house effect your getting married time line? 

Once you have an agreement in place, contact an attorney to get the agreement in writing and notarized. Make sure you have Wills drawn up too- always best to cover ALL your bases. 

ShallowSeas

lennonkdc said:

shyannelise said:

loves2shop4shoes said:

I'll come in and rain on your parade here.

I'm sorry to be negative, but this is advice I firmly believe in.  And it's an unpopular opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.

It is NEVER a smart idea to purchase a home with someone you are not MARRIED to.  It's just not.  I've seen it go bad so so SO many times.  I'm not saying your relationship won't last.  I don't know you.

All I'm saying is, unless he puts TWO rings on it, I would SERIOUSLY rethink purchasing property with him.

Your opinion is not negative, its realistic and I appreciate it. I had the same thoughts when he first asked me about buying a house, and we're still discussing all the "what ifs" and pros and cons. I have also seen this go bad with people I know, so I am making sure that we have everything figured out, if we choose to purchase a home, should something happen to our relationship.

Make sure that the agreement covers down payment, mortgage payments, insurance, whose name is on the title, are both of you taking out the mortgage or just one of you, and, thought not house related- how does buying the house effect your getting married time line? 

Once you have an agreement in place, contact an attorney to get the agreement in writing and notarized. Make sure you have Wills drawn up too- always best to cover ALL your bases. 

Thanks for the advice!!! He has been talking about buying a house and has been ring shopping for several months, so I think he's thinking buying a house and proposing are going to be around the same time. Which is fine by me. I plan on bringing up all the advice everyone has posted on this thread to him throughout the week, before we go to the bank about getting pre-approved.

bride2b71614

Congratulations! That is so exciting! 

lennonkdc

shyannelise said:

lennonkdc said:

shyannelise said:

loves2shop4shoes said:

I'll come in and rain on your parade here.

I'm sorry to be negative, but this is advice I firmly believe in.  And it's an unpopular opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.

It is NEVER a smart idea to purchase a home with someone you are not MARRIED to.  It's just not.  I've seen it go bad so so SO many times.  I'm not saying your relationship won't last.  I don't know you.

All I'm saying is, unless he puts TWO rings on it, I would SERIOUSLY rethink purchasing property with him.

Your opinion is not negative, its realistic and I appreciate it. I had the same thoughts when he first asked me about buying a house, and we're still discussing all the "what ifs" and pros and cons. I have also seen this go bad with people I know, so I am making sure that we have everything figured out, if we choose to purchase a home, should something happen to our relationship.

Make sure that the agreement covers down payment, mortgage payments, insurance, whose name is on the title, are both of you taking out the mortgage or just one of you, and, thought not house related- how does buying the house effect your getting married time line? 

Once you have an agreement in place, contact an attorney to get the agreement in writing and notarized. Make sure you have Wills drawn up too- always best to cover ALL your bases. 

Thanks for the advice!!! He has been talking about buying a house and has been ring shopping for several months, so I think he's thinking buying a house and proposing are going to be around the same time. Which is fine by me. I plan on bringing up all the advice everyone has posted on this thread to him throughout the week, before we go to the bank about getting pre-approved.

It sounds like you've got this under control. All that's left is to say congrats!!!!

AprilH81

Make sure you carefully go over your household budget and don't be come "house poor".  Also make sure when you get payment estimates that you clarify if that includes the escrow amount (typically covers property taxes and homeowner's insurance) or not.  

I had a panic attack when I bought my first house and got my first mortgage bill, there was an extra $200 that I wasn't expecting.  I was a single woman and that $200 was a big hit to my budget.

katieg520

allusive007 said:

How exciting to know he wants to take the "next step" with you! I'm sure this is an exciting time for you both.

Word of caution: I'd have a discussion about how the two of you plan to handle the financial aspect of this and if (heaven forbid) you two were to break up how you'd handle that. I realize this is not a fun topic to discuss right now...but it is important. I've known quite a few couples who rushed into purchasing a home and then had to deal with a messy breakup. Who's paying for the down payment? Who's covering the cost of an inspection, any necessary home repairs/painting, who's responsible for utilities, HOA fees? If you do end up splitting is one person buying the other person out of the home or are you going to sell it and split the profits (or more likely share the loss)?

Buying a home is super exciting, but it is a big responsibility. It's also an extremely emotional purchase which can cause a lot of heartache if there is ever a split up. Think about what you can handle financially on your own and be sure you and your man have a serious conversation about who's contributing what.

Yes!!! All of this!!!! ^^^^

KeptInStitches

Thank you all for the help, too! I lurked through this thread because BF and I are looking at buying a home (one last straw from our rental companies). This has given us a lot to talk about.