Flower Girl/Ring Bearer Etiquette?

steph1091

Hi All!

This isn't exactly about moms or maids, but it is about bridal party...My fiance and I are beginning to ask our bridal party, and one of the things that we're still not sure about is having a flower girl and a ring bearer. I really want to have them and we know who we would ask, but my fiance thinks our processional is going to take just as long as our wedding. We're having 7 bridesmaids and groomsmen, and my fiance thinks having a ring bearer and flower girl is just too much. What does everyone else think? Has anyone else had a really big wedding like that or been to one? Was it too much?

Also, our flower girl would be my cousin's daughter. Is it rude to ask one of my cousins' children and not ask my other cousins' children to be part of it?

Any and all thoughts would be really appreciative! Thanks!

Maggie0829

steph1091 said:

Hi All!

This isn't exactly about moms or maids, but it is about bridal party...My fiance and I are beginning to ask our bridal party, and one of the things that we're still not sure about is having a flower girl and a ring bearer. I really want to have them and we know who we would ask, but my fiance thinks our processional is going to take just as long as our wedding. We're having 7 bridesmaids and groomsmen, and my fiance thinks having a ring bearer and flower girl is just too much. What does everyone else think? Has anyone else had a really big wedding like that or been to one? Was it too much?

Also, our flower girl would be my cousin's daughter. Is it rude to ask one of my cousins' children and not ask my other cousins' children to be part of it?

Any and all thoughts would be really appreciative! Thanks!

I have been to weddings that had more wedding party members then you have and in the end as to whether or not the processional was long or not came down to how it was planned out.

I would suggest that the guys already be up front with the groom and then with the girls have each one start walking down the aisle when the one before them gets about halfway down the aisle.  Of course if you have a super short aisle like I did then you can have them wait till the one before reaches the end.  And if you have a super long aisle then you can have them start when the one before hits about a third of the way down.

As for whether or not you should ask them, this really needs to be a decision that you and your FI make together and work to come up with a compromise.  I personally am not a fan of flower girls and ring bearers.  A lot of the time the kids really don't get that the position is an honor and they are mainly used for the "cute" factor.  If there are young kids in your family you can always make sure to get some pictures with them after the ceremony and not have them in it.

Finally, if you do decide to have a flower girl and ring bearer.  You should not feel guilt tripped into asking multiple kids just to please both of your cousins.  It is never wrong to only ask one cousin if her kids can be in the wedding party.  What it comes down to is who you want in your party and who means the most to you.

southernbelle0915

How long does it take approximately 20 people to walk 60-100 feet? My guess is that your processional won't take more than 1.5-3 minutes. Tops. 

You can have a ring bearer and flower girl and I do not think this will take as long as you think. It's fine to ask whoever you want. 

doeydo

I don't think adding a couple kids to the processional would make it that much longer.  If you want to make it shorter, you could have the GMs already up at the altar and just the BMs come down the aisle.  That said, it is not rude, IMO, to ask one child to be a flower girl and "exclude" other kids.  Otherwise, you might have twenty flower girls.  You might want to ask the child's parents first as well, since they might have to purchase a little outfit for their child as well as the fact that they know their kid better than you do and the child might not be up for something like that.  I was a shy kid so I would have freaked out feeling like I was the center of attention.

Jen4948

I don't think it's rude to ask one child but not others to be in your wedding party, any more than it is rude to ask one adult but not their siblings or cousins.

So feel free to ask the children in question (and make sure their parents are okay with it).  It probably won't add more time unless the kids in question don't understand that they can't stop and have a meltdown or whatever partway down the aisle.

[Deleted User]

I agree with Maggie0829. They tend to be used for the cuteness factor. My wedding will have some sort of flower girl/ringbearer/junior bridesmaid since my BF's sister is 14 years younger than him but otherwise I'd skip them all together. Honestly, as a previous badly behaved flower girl, they can potentially not be worth the drama! :P

CallaLily25

steph1091 said:

Hi All!

This isn't exactly about moms or maids, but it is about bridal party...My fiance and I are beginning to ask our bridal party, and one of the things that we're still not sure about is having a flower girl and a ring bearer. I really want to have them and we know who we would ask, but my fiance thinks our processional is going to take just as long as our wedding. We're having 7 bridesmaids and groomsmen, and my fiance thinks having a ring bearer and flower girl is just too much. What does everyone else think? Has anyone else had a really big wedding like that or been to one? Was it too much?

Also, our flower girl would be my cousin's daughter. Is it rude to ask one of my cousins' children and not ask my other cousins' children to be part of it?

Any and all thoughts would be really appreciative! Thanks!

I think if the kids who you are thinking of asking to be your flower girl and ring bearer are very important to you, you should ask them to be in your wedding party regardless of the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen that you have. I wouldn't worry about the processional being too long. Like pps said, it's not going to take that long for them to process down the aisle and certainly not enough time to exclude the flower girl and ring bearer if they are important to you. I don't think 7 bridesmaids and groomsmen is ridiculously large. While on the larger side of wedding parties, I wouldn't side-eye it. 

I don't know if I would say it's rude not to ask your cousin's other children, but I know I personally would ask them if they were of appropriate ages. It would depend on how many other children she had and the ages of these children. For instance, if the flower girl was 3 and her other children were 6 and 9, I would include them as well. I would not want to hurt their feelings and 6 and 9 are appropriate ages for flower girls/ring bearers. However, if the other children were 12 or older, I would probably not ask them because it would be obvious that the youngest child was chosen due to her age and not a preference for her on your part, know what I mean?

maryemoo

It's hard for me to say whether it actually is rude or not, because I'm not a seasoned bride/wedding planner and there's a lot I'm still learning from this site...that being said, I am using my two stepsons as ringbearers, and my niece as our flower girl, and not FI's nieces...the three children I am using are the dearest to me, and I want to include them in this special day. I want to honor my stepsons as a part of the family that FI and I are becoming, and my only niece, with whom I am extremely close.

The reason I'm not using his nieces are that two of them will be too young to understand the roles, and the remaining one I simply am not that close with. It's not that I don't love her as well, it's just that I don't want to throw her into a role just to satisfy his side...I believe the roles should be given to people whom you love and know will honor the position they are in, not based off of making someone else happy... Not sure if any of this helps you, it's just the situation I'm in.